A Short Statement.

Hiding the evidence of Cadbury Egg consumption in an empty Pringles tube might be counterproductive to what I am looking to accomplish.

the end.

But A Feather Boa Is Always Appropriate

If you hear me talking to my sweet 2 year old, (she looks like this).....

And you hear her demand a "TEE TEE BAR!!!"*

You need to know she is speaking of this....

Not this.....

Because she doesn't get that second one till she is at LEAST 18.

* = A "Tee Tee Bar" is how Ella says, "Aunt Kristy Bar" which is what the kids have named the green granola bars.

I Think I'd Notice if I Lost My Pulmonary Artery

Googled: "cough and metallic taste"

Results:

Acute mercury inhalation

Chemical poisoning

Metal fume fever

Nephthytis poisoning

Absence of pulmonary artery

Apparently I am going to die.

I hope it is from the "Nephthytis poisoning" because that one sounds exciting.

Ummmmmm....

"Ella, do you have stinkies?"

"No."

"Do you?"

"No!"

(Peeking in the diaper,) "Yes you do, I see them right there."

"No!" (shakes head and walks away)



Did I just lose an argument with my 2 year old?

Everyone Loves the Mango!

Dear About.com,

You have helped me with so many things.

When I needed quotes for a baby shower invitation, you were there.
The time I was searching for poems about sleeping children, you were there.
And once, when I was looking for witty saying about children and teachers, you didn't disappoint.

I guess I only use you for quotes and literary things........

But not today!

Today, I needed to cut a mango. And I didn't know what kind of seed or pit the mango might hide inside her. I thought it was a collection of tiny seeds.....but apparently I don't know my tropical fruit seeds very well.

About.com, you were there! You showed me how to lay the mango on it's side. You showed me how to be all fancy with the knife and cut the mango into little cubes. You made sure I didn't slice right through the pit of the mango so that my sweet girls, who saw the mango at the grocery store and begged to get it so they could "try something new," did not have a disappointing mango experience.

But About.com, you didn't mention how slippery the mango would be.





Dear Cutco Knives,

I had no idea that your serrated trimmer would hurt so much while going into my fingertip.



Love and kisses ever so much,
Bethany

May the Yams Be With You

Okay, so I have been saving this post since Thanksgiving, you guys. Because I was waiting for the results of the contest that my family entered. But, sadly, the contest results were never decided so I have no "Yay, we won!" or "Boo, we lost" ending for you.

But that doesn't mean that this challenge wasn't possibly one of the most exciting and awesome things I have ever done.
You are so excited, aren't you?

Okay, the contest was created by someone who loves Thanksgiving. And this was the second year of his "Pic of the Plate" contest where competitors took pictures of their Thanksgiving Dinner plates to submit for review. Simple, right?

Well folks, if you know anything about me, you know that I can't just enter a simple contest like this without putting some thought into it, um, a LOT of thought into it. I will be calculating how to win, how to be creative and how to get "in" with the judges so things will go my way. It isn't cheating-I am absolutely NO cheat. It is playing the game.

I knew a simple picture of the plate wouldn't be enough. I knew something better needed to be staged and it was so obvious that the quickest way to the Judge's heart would be through a common love: Star Wars.

We grabbed all of the Galactic Heroes we could find and looked to see who was there to create a scene around. There was Luke with Yoda on his back while he's training to become a Jedi. But that only involved using one figure. We had Jabba, Jedi Master Luke and Carbonite Han but no Princess Leia in the gold bikini (which I am actually okay with.) After calling in a Star Wars Ringer (aka my sister's boyfriend whose very knowledge and respect of all things Star Wars causes me to approve him as a good match for my sis) we decided to re-create the scene where Jabba is throwing Han, Luke and Lando to the sarlaac in the Pit of Carkoon. And the thing that decided it for us was the fact that we had cooked halved oranges with our turkey.

So, here was the setup....
It involved lighting, a black backdrop, the tripod and camera. We wanted to submit only a picture of the best quality as well.








And here was our final result:

(Notice R2D2 and C3PO upside down in the sand? That was Kristy's good memory on that one.)

So there you have it. And, like I said, sadly we never got a result but my family is thinking we just might have to make this a yearly event for us. We had so much fun working on our plate (using only food we had cooked or consumed for Thanksgiving dinner) that we think next Thanksgiving just might be boring without it! In fact, we couldn't take the plate apart till the evening of the next day. We left it out on the counter just looking at it when we walked by, so proud of our creation.

If this link works, you can see the original Facebook photo here.

I'll Keep My Legs Crossed While You Take a Nap

**In celebration of the Birthday of Nate the Great, we are replaying Nate's birth story which is adequately also titled: "The One Where Nate's Daddy Wants to Sleep In" **

He is my firstborn-the one I "practiced" on.

The one who made all other babies look like a waste of time--after all, no other baby was as wonderful as him!

He had elfin shaped ears the first few months of his life and the top of his hair grew into one tall swirl that could be pulled up to look like a giant Shirley Temple ringlet. He would get fussy in the evenings but a bath cheered him right up. And he loved his Daddy so deeply from the very start.

And when it was time for him to be with us, Daddy is the one who wanted to go back to sleep!!

When I was pregnant with Nate the Great, we were coming up on our due date and I wasn't working. Read that: I was bored out of my mind. I had folded every onesie. I had washed every blanket. I had arranged and rearranged the baby's room. Two days before my due date, I picked my sister up from work so we could have lunch with our mom. While at Taco Bell, I found a piece of plastic of some kind in my taco and got a card worth 10 free tacos! Later that evening, we went to our friends' house for movie night. It was during the movie that we thought we had some contractions. Wrote down a few things but ultimately didn't have much to report.

I did discover something worthy of reporting when I woke up in the middle of the night thinking I'd peed my bed. Wait. that's not what that was.

"David, my water broke, call the hospital and ask them what we should do."

The reply: "Groooooooannn."

I went to the bathroom for a little while and then came back in my bedroom to a sleeping husband.

"David" I shook him harder than before, "my water broke, call the hospital."

"Grooooooannnn. Zzzz."

Back to the bathroom. And then back to a sleeping husband...again.

I went and got the phone. I placed it next to his snoring body and said, "DAVID. My. Water. Broke. Call. The Hospital. And Ask. What We. Are Su-ppos-ed. To. Do."

I returned to the bathroom.

My husband walked in and leaned on the frame of the door.

"They said take a shower, eat something and then come on in." His head hung low.

"Well, what did you think they were going to say?"

"I was hoping they'd say 'Go back to sleep and come in first thing in the morning.'"

Merry Christmas and Happy 2010

She's a Sucker for a Good Base Line

We're gonna pretend that it hasn't been over a month since I posted, okay? Okay.

Lucy just cried for about 10 minutes because her "chosen" group on "The Sing Off" was sent home. (We watched 2 of the shows yesterday morning and just finished last night's episode this morning.) She just sat in my lap, sobbing and saying, "They were my first favorite!" over and over.

I got her to the kitchen table for a snack and she'd start to recover but then she'd look up at me and ask, "Will they never sing on the show again?" and then cry right into her bowl of goldfish crackers.

It took a box of raisins to help her find the Joy of Life again.

You know, if you're gonna have passion about something, go big or go home.

That about sums up Lucy Goose.


Hopefully it sums up the passion I hope to one day find for my beloved blog again.

The New Year may hold some amazing things to share.

Nate Lays Down the Law

A Rant by Nathan as told to Daddy
Transcribed by Mommy based on Daddy’s memory of the conversation

When I am a grown up* I am going to read stories to my kids every night. Until midnight.
And then Lexi will come upstairs and say, “What the heck are you doing? It is 10 minutes to midnight and you have to go to bed. If you don’t stop this you can’t go to dinner with us tomorrow!”
But I WILL go to dinner with them tomorrow.

I will not just read stories, I will TELL them stories and I will tell them about the Tickle Monster and tickle them if they are 2 boys and want to be tickled…..

…or maybe I will have two girls. Or maybe one boy and one girl.

(long pause. much thought.)

OR

Maybe I will have one and one set of MULTIPLES!


The end.

*=This is his new thing when we make a decision he doesn’t agree with. He has also told us that he will never spank his kids, only tickle them when they have been bad. I told him good luck with that one.

Thank You.

Dear Zablets,

I don't think it is very respectful of our Veterans who fought for your freedom and safety for you to decide to wake up BEFORE 6am on a day off from school. Especially because, as it happens to be in this case, there are no Veterans currently in our home to protect your freedom OR safety from an incredibly sleepy (and potentially grumpy) mom.

*Yawn*
-Momma


Dear Veterans,

A letter of thanks could never suffice to express the thanks and appreciation I have for you. Your choice of career lends you to putting your life in the line for people you will never meet and people who might treat you poorly because of that uniform you are wearing. You and your entire family go for months at a time apart with an element of unknown and potential danger where your family and loved ones can only pray for your safety in response to your absence.

You are exposed to some of the most horrific images a person could see, endure a training so grueling and taxing and are expected to have a mind and body that can react to a myriad of situations in a split second requiring the correct response every time or lives can be lost.

When I see you in uniform, it moves me. I may not say it to those of you whom I see regularly but I hold you in very high esteem. I also hold your spouses and children in a very special place. Your sacrifice is for me! So I can speak freely. Make decisions for myself and not have to submit to an authority that doesn't represent me. Because of you, I get to speak up when I don't like something our government is doing. I get to choose everything from the kind of bread I eat, to the channels I watch to the man I want leading our country. And even when I don't agree with the bread available or the man in office, I still respect the process. The ability to stand in a tiny booth, expect total privacy and get to choose the circle I darken.

So today is your day. And there are some cool businesses that are thanking you for your sacrifices by giving you a free meal or free admission and I hope you take it. I hope that when people see you and recognize the gift you have given them, they say thank you in person.

We thank you.

Beauty. Hope.

When Lucy joined out family, she was as sweet as sweet can be. She was the baby everyone wanted to hold and play with. And when her soft ringlet curls started coming in, it only increased her appeal. She learned how to work the eyes, how to turn on the charm and how throwing your arms around someone's middle just might get you whatever you want.

Then, she learned a whole lot more about volume and attempted the screaming thing. (People didn't believe me but they soon learned.) And then she learned the manipulation thing. The lying thing. The scheming thing.

It breaks my heart. And it is something we work on daily. And the good part about it is that it shows how smart she is and how she is willing to work to get what she wants. But the downside is that it is hard to see her softer, pure heart through all that deceit.

Today I went to see the doctor my mom works for, Dr. Lance Clothey, and the girls LOOOVE getting to see Grandma Sisi and everyone in the office. They are there a lot and know that if they are good they get to help Gma Sisi behind the desk and get stickers. They also know that most of the time when they go in there, they get an apple from the bowl on the counter. Today there was a pear, and Lucy got to eat it and share it with Ella a bit too.

After the appointment today, as I was checking out, Lucy wandered out of the office and asked me if she could have an apple. I said yes and she walked off to the kitchen. I assumed that my mom said it was okay and told her where to get one-it had been done before.

Lucy came back happy with an apple. The girl loves apples and had been well behaved at the office so I was happy for her. I mention something to Mom on the other side of the counter and she says, "I didn't send her back there to get an apple."

Cue the record scratch sound and absolute mortification.
"Um, Lucy where did you get the apple from?"

Lucy tells us she got it out of the fridge and we are realizing that it is most likely Kathy's. Sweet, wonderful Kathy who brings an apple with her lunch every day. Lucy has stopped eating it and is flushed head to toe. I am having a hard time knowing what to do.

I bent down and explained to her that she can't just go into the staff fridge and help herself to anything. That this apple was part of Mrs. Kathy's lunch and Lucy just took it. I wasn't about to slam down the big "STOLEN" word because I wasn't 100% sure she had taken the apple maliciously. But then again, I wasn't sure. I was praying for a sign.

My 4 year old daughter, who was very sad, turned her face up to me and said very softly, "Mommy? Can I go an apologize to Mrs. Kathy?" And her eyes filled with tears. She just looked at the apple in her hand and it was clear she was not going to enjoy a bite of it until she was able to apologize. Every step we took down the hallway, Lucy moved herself forward. I was choked up seeing her strong desire to do the right thing.

We found Kathy, explained what happened and Lucy cried and begged for forgiveness. She gave Kathy a hug and we all were wiping our eyes. Kathy told Lucy she forgave her and asked her to please enjoy the apple because it was okay for Lucy to have it. And she enjoyed every bite. I suspect that after that forgiveness, it was even tastier.


It was one of those moments that reminds me to keep doing what I am doing. That on the days where it feels that my examples and life lessons and verbal instruction on the "Right Things" to do are falling on deaf ears, they are, in fact, piercing through the exterior. Because today, I was able to catch a glimpse of my daughter's true heart. And let me tell you, it was beautiful.

The Halloween of October's Past

I dug some of these out to show the kids and decided that I needed to embarrass myself even MORE on the internet (but this time, I am taking a couple of you down with me!)


Bethy the Fairy....sporting awesome purple velcro sneakers.


Political Correctness hadn't set in yet so it was okay to dress up like a bum with a Tootsie Roll as your cigar.


Everything that is wrong with this picture include the following:
1. I did it because I was scared of mimes.
2. Greet the mane of Julia Roberts Mystic Pizza Hair that would be permed in only 2 months.
3. The cast. It's purple. Broken ankle. PURPLE.
4. Black Keds. (Wait, I still kinda like those.)


I wish this picture showed the awesome jeans! They were real bell bottoms my mom found and we painted them all up with peace signs and daisies. I remember kind of wishing I could wear them all the time.


I was a pregnant Mama and these were my babies: my sister, my step sister and my sister's best friend. (Told ya I was dragging some of you along with me!)

Finally, this one wasn't from Halloween but I had to throw it in there because it includes the use of one of the most awesome wigs of ALL TIME.



I was on staff with our Jr. High Group and we were having a staff hunt at Seaport Village. The staff and other prominent people in the church dress up in ways the kids won't recognize us and then the kids have to come up to people they think might be a part of the staff hunt, they have to say some sort of ridiculous spy like phrase int he hopes that they will answer you with some sort of spy like phrase and then they get a clue to solve a puzzle after they have found everyone. It was one of my favorite events while on staff.

But after getting dressed up, we discovered it was raining and wasn't going to be letting up so we changed to North County Fair Mall and this wasn't quite as blend-in-able. So I changed.


But I still TOTALLY rocked the black wig.
And my sister did too.

I Forgot the Title of This Post

If you come to my house, you will be more than welcomed. You will most likely be offered a seat on my amazing couch and you will be warned that 97% of people who sit on it end up asleep. You will be treated to some sort of oversized story from my son and either one of my daughters will bring you a book to read. You will, of course, also be offered a soda and encouraged to help yourself should you need another one during your visit. And then, if you excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, I will most likely holler down the hallway after you, "Sign The Book!"

"The Book" is our Bathroom guest book. You will find it in its own cute basket and I have regular pens and some fine point Sharpies as well. Inside the bathroom book you are encouraged to write a poem, tell a story, draw a picture or simply sign your name. It's weird, I know. But I have had a Bathroom Sign In Book for the last 9 years. There are 2 volumes and in the pages you can mark when people had babies, what house we were living in, what movie we were watching or even how my sister did on her recent online practice tests when she was in college. It was when I was reading through the bathroom book that I was reminded of my friend Carol driving me home from a minor procedure and having a bit of fun with me.

I had to have a simple in office biopsy done on the bottom of my tongue (everything was fine) and I'd had them all but knock me out completely. They also loaded me up so I would not be too uncomfortable. You have NO idea how much you move your tongue until something has been sliced off the bottom of it.

I was happy to be awake. I was not happy to be missing part of my tongue. I was happy to have had such a lovely and delightful nurse despite the fact that I had cried over this whole thing while in the recovery room.
"Carol, have you met my nurse Rachel? She's been so nice. So wonderful. so lovely."
"Hi Rachel, nice to meet you."
.......2 minutes pass and Rachel comes back to check in on me.....
"Oh Carol, have you met Rachel? She's been my nurse today. She's so nice."
"Hi Rachel, nice to meet you...again."
"Wait, did I already introduce you?"
.......another 2 minutes pass.........
"Carol, don't let me forget to introduce you to Rachel. She's been the sweetest and nicest nurse through this whole thing.
"Yes Bethany, I met Rachel. She's now a part of the family."
"Oh."

Carol told me it was then she realized that my short term memory was still asleep.

We were given instructions from my doctor which I promptly forgot.
"How often do you take your pain medicine Bethany?"
"Uuuummmmmmmmm."
"1 every 2-4 hours."
"Oh yeah."

Carol drove me home and that's when the real fun started...
"Bethany, I need you to help me remember something. Spencer needs milk. He's just a baby. It is so SO important that he gets his milk. Can you please help me remember to buy milk? For Spencer?"
"Oh yes Carol, I will help you remember." Except it came out more as nodding, drooling and grunting.
....one mile later.....
"I'm going to the grocery store, Bethany, what was I supposed to get?"
"Ohhh nooo. I don't remember!"
....pulling into my apartment.....
"Bethany, remember what I needed to get from the store?"
"Ummm, no. But did I introduce you to my nurse Rachel? She was just a wonderful person."


I am sure there will be more stories from the Bathroom book to come...stay tuned!!

Blogger Fail

Yes Dear Friends, you have done the math correctly: I missed yesterday.

The plan was....
-dinner for the kids
-various other errands and chores
-kids in bed
-go upstairs to edit pictures

and while I was going to be editing pictures.....
-WRITE WEDNESDAY'S BLOG

I even had a topic that included these key words:
short term memory and bathroom sign in book.

But instead I did everything, including the going upstairs but I didn't write.
Sigh.

Tuesday Tenner

10. I think I would have fun working at Costco. When I am there, I see people laughing and joking with each other, I totally rock a name tag and just being there makes me happy so......

9. It has come to the attention of the upstairs bathroom scale that my daily nachos habit is not so wonderful. Although my taste buds are seriously disputing the facts and calling the integrity of the scale into question.

8. I had one of those cool experiences today where God took such great care of my heart when I was in a situation where I was Moses, begging for an Aaron and God instead took me by the hand and helped me do what He'd asked of me. I know how vague that is but if you have been there, you know what I am talking about.

7. RED CUP DAY! Are you like me and you have a lot of friends who celebrate Red Cup Day with the enthusiasm that most people celebrate Christmas? If not, then you need new friends. I will lend you mine.

6. Nathan is watching me type this out and is amazed by my speed. Clearly I need to show off in front of 6 year olds more often. It's good for the ego.

5. When I worked at Berean Christian Stores ("Thank you for calling Berean Christian Stores, this is Bethany, how can I be of service?") I was so fast at the the 10-key that I would wait till there were a lot of customers waiting to check out and I'd ring up my separate orders on the other computer with lightning speed. Because pride is a beautiful thing in a Christian Bookstore.

4. Almost every time I have to write "separate," I have to have it spell checked. I only finally mastered "definite" just last week. Seriously.

3. I recently finished a book series by Ken Follett. "Pillars of the Earth" and "World Without End." They are eleventy billion pages each and you will end up dreaming about their storylines which, to me, is the result of a good read.

2. David came home from work today and gave me the once over look. It was nice. And then he said, "What's going on with the lipstick?" Even though I was fully aware that I had on deep red lipstick that I was auditioning for real life and had applied it in the car only a few hours before, I pretended to not know what he was talking about. Risky move, yes, but I got an "I like it. It looks good." out of him. Success!

1. I took a series of pictures of my sister and Ella playing with a baby doll recently in the Big Red Chair (before it's near fatal injury.) And this one is my favorite. It just makes me smile.

Please Form a Single Line for Dead Relative Insults

A few nights ago, I shared a piece of pie with my mom, sister and stepsister. I met them at Coco's and we laughed and I drank waay too much iced tea and it is very possible our server thought we were all crazy. And then it came to be story time.

See, my stepsister wasn't around a couple of years ago the evening my mom and sister and I sat around a high table in the Marie Callendar's bar area doing much of the same thing we were doing that night. Except, we were there because my grandmother-my mom's mom-had died only a few hours before.

As soon as it happened, and the things that needed to be dealt with were complete and David came home to watch the Zablets, I met Mom and Kristy in LaMesa. They were already halfway through the entire pumpkin pie they'd ordered for the two of them. (If there is one thing we gals know, it is how to properly drown our sorrows in starchy foods and carbs.) Since I am not a pumpkin pie fan, I ordered the biggest bowl possible of Marie's potato cheese soup. (Ohhhhh soooo heavenly.)

We spent the evening laughing a little, eavesdropping on a conversation in the next booth between older 2 men and an older woman who had obviously reunited after some time and we could not tell who the woman had come with. Or if she'd come on her own and was hoping to leave with someone. But we enjoyed their very loud conversation about their good old days.

Our waitress was very sweet and when she found out why we were sitting there, she was so lovely and sympathetic and laughed at our food choices but it was the "I Hear Ya Sister" kind of laugh as if she would have pulled up an order of potato skins as soon as her shift was over.

Eventually the conversation moved on to more recent things going on in our lives. My sister's job, my mom's approaching wedding and my work at church. I was, at the time, frustrated with someone (honestly, no idea who) who was being all kinds of drama for me and whatever project I was working on. I was fed up and found myself just venting to my mom and sister. I was cooking up a great big batch of righteous indignation complete with 5 course meal and dessert. I explained how out of touch the person was with reality and how dramatic they were behaving and to drive my point home, I used a comparative analysis statement:

"I mean, it's not like their MOM JUST DIED or anything."

*blink, blink*

"I mean, er..........not 'mom died' because your mom just did die and........"

I looked around for the nearest exit, prayed for Jesus to return and attempted to drown myself in my potato soup all at the same time but I didn't need to: my mom was almost choking on her pumpkin pie with laughter.

The phrase is now a part of the family history and used whenever someone has just really stepped into it, verbally. And it, um, happens a LOT around here.


C'mon, fess up. you've done something like this too, right? Right?!?!

Haloooo NaBloPoMo!

I greet you with the sweetness and light of a blogger who plans to write every single day for the rest of the month. And this is my first post. Note the sweetness. Note the light. Note that most of it is organically manifested within and not a direct result of the Halloween Candy Sugar High I will have for the rest of the month.

Wow, Bethany, a whole month of Candy Sugar High? Why yes, dear reader, because after I'd bought a very modest amount of candy and then watched as neighbors actually filled ALL THREE of my kids Pumpkin buckets TO THE TOP with candy, and then had only 3 trick or treaters come to the door, I have MORE candy than when I actually began the Halloween Celebration!

Think I'm being dramatic? Think I might exaggerate a little? Think this blog already contains too many questions? Well, here is the loot......



You know, it's hard to really judge depth in a photograph. Can we measure?



Wow. Look at that.


I now have 4 gallon Ziploc bags filled with leftover Halloween Candy. Everyone who works with David should just watch out: He's bringing it to you Monday morning.


Of course, they should also know there will not be a single peanut butter cup in the bunch.

The Facts of Candy

Dear Children of Poway,

You want to come to my house tonight. I give out good candy. I give out paper bags filled to overflowing of candy. It is awesome.

But you must understand, there will, under no circumstances, be ANY Resees Peanut Butter Cups in those paper bags. It's just how it is.

Love,
The Lady With Peanut Butter Cup Breath

Because He's a Boy

Nate's Friday Folder brought this home....and when I sent a picture of it to his father, David replied, "That's awesome."



And, well, I guess it kinda is!