Merry Christmas and Happy 2010

She's a Sucker for a Good Base Line

We're gonna pretend that it hasn't been over a month since I posted, okay? Okay.

Lucy just cried for about 10 minutes because her "chosen" group on "The Sing Off" was sent home. (We watched 2 of the shows yesterday morning and just finished last night's episode this morning.) She just sat in my lap, sobbing and saying, "They were my first favorite!" over and over.

I got her to the kitchen table for a snack and she'd start to recover but then she'd look up at me and ask, "Will they never sing on the show again?" and then cry right into her bowl of goldfish crackers.

It took a box of raisins to help her find the Joy of Life again.

You know, if you're gonna have passion about something, go big or go home.

That about sums up Lucy Goose.


Hopefully it sums up the passion I hope to one day find for my beloved blog again.

The New Year may hold some amazing things to share.

Nate Lays Down the Law

A Rant by Nathan as told to Daddy
Transcribed by Mommy based on Daddy’s memory of the conversation

When I am a grown up* I am going to read stories to my kids every night. Until midnight.
And then Lexi will come upstairs and say, “What the heck are you doing? It is 10 minutes to midnight and you have to go to bed. If you don’t stop this you can’t go to dinner with us tomorrow!”
But I WILL go to dinner with them tomorrow.

I will not just read stories, I will TELL them stories and I will tell them about the Tickle Monster and tickle them if they are 2 boys and want to be tickled…..

…or maybe I will have two girls. Or maybe one boy and one girl.

(long pause. much thought.)

OR

Maybe I will have one and one set of MULTIPLES!


The end.

*=This is his new thing when we make a decision he doesn’t agree with. He has also told us that he will never spank his kids, only tickle them when they have been bad. I told him good luck with that one.

Thank You.

Dear Zablets,

I don't think it is very respectful of our Veterans who fought for your freedom and safety for you to decide to wake up BEFORE 6am on a day off from school. Especially because, as it happens to be in this case, there are no Veterans currently in our home to protect your freedom OR safety from an incredibly sleepy (and potentially grumpy) mom.

*Yawn*
-Momma


Dear Veterans,

A letter of thanks could never suffice to express the thanks and appreciation I have for you. Your choice of career lends you to putting your life in the line for people you will never meet and people who might treat you poorly because of that uniform you are wearing. You and your entire family go for months at a time apart with an element of unknown and potential danger where your family and loved ones can only pray for your safety in response to your absence.

You are exposed to some of the most horrific images a person could see, endure a training so grueling and taxing and are expected to have a mind and body that can react to a myriad of situations in a split second requiring the correct response every time or lives can be lost.

When I see you in uniform, it moves me. I may not say it to those of you whom I see regularly but I hold you in very high esteem. I also hold your spouses and children in a very special place. Your sacrifice is for me! So I can speak freely. Make decisions for myself and not have to submit to an authority that doesn't represent me. Because of you, I get to speak up when I don't like something our government is doing. I get to choose everything from the kind of bread I eat, to the channels I watch to the man I want leading our country. And even when I don't agree with the bread available or the man in office, I still respect the process. The ability to stand in a tiny booth, expect total privacy and get to choose the circle I darken.

So today is your day. And there are some cool businesses that are thanking you for your sacrifices by giving you a free meal or free admission and I hope you take it. I hope that when people see you and recognize the gift you have given them, they say thank you in person.

We thank you.

Beauty. Hope.

When Lucy joined out family, she was as sweet as sweet can be. She was the baby everyone wanted to hold and play with. And when her soft ringlet curls started coming in, it only increased her appeal. She learned how to work the eyes, how to turn on the charm and how throwing your arms around someone's middle just might get you whatever you want.

Then, she learned a whole lot more about volume and attempted the screaming thing. (People didn't believe me but they soon learned.) And then she learned the manipulation thing. The lying thing. The scheming thing.

It breaks my heart. And it is something we work on daily. And the good part about it is that it shows how smart she is and how she is willing to work to get what she wants. But the downside is that it is hard to see her softer, pure heart through all that deceit.

Today I went to see the doctor my mom works for, Dr. Lance Clothey, and the girls LOOOVE getting to see Grandma Sisi and everyone in the office. They are there a lot and know that if they are good they get to help Gma Sisi behind the desk and get stickers. They also know that most of the time when they go in there, they get an apple from the bowl on the counter. Today there was a pear, and Lucy got to eat it and share it with Ella a bit too.

After the appointment today, as I was checking out, Lucy wandered out of the office and asked me if she could have an apple. I said yes and she walked off to the kitchen. I assumed that my mom said it was okay and told her where to get one-it had been done before.

Lucy came back happy with an apple. The girl loves apples and had been well behaved at the office so I was happy for her. I mention something to Mom on the other side of the counter and she says, "I didn't send her back there to get an apple."

Cue the record scratch sound and absolute mortification.
"Um, Lucy where did you get the apple from?"

Lucy tells us she got it out of the fridge and we are realizing that it is most likely Kathy's. Sweet, wonderful Kathy who brings an apple with her lunch every day. Lucy has stopped eating it and is flushed head to toe. I am having a hard time knowing what to do.

I bent down and explained to her that she can't just go into the staff fridge and help herself to anything. That this apple was part of Mrs. Kathy's lunch and Lucy just took it. I wasn't about to slam down the big "STOLEN" word because I wasn't 100% sure she had taken the apple maliciously. But then again, I wasn't sure. I was praying for a sign.

My 4 year old daughter, who was very sad, turned her face up to me and said very softly, "Mommy? Can I go an apologize to Mrs. Kathy?" And her eyes filled with tears. She just looked at the apple in her hand and it was clear she was not going to enjoy a bite of it until she was able to apologize. Every step we took down the hallway, Lucy moved herself forward. I was choked up seeing her strong desire to do the right thing.

We found Kathy, explained what happened and Lucy cried and begged for forgiveness. She gave Kathy a hug and we all were wiping our eyes. Kathy told Lucy she forgave her and asked her to please enjoy the apple because it was okay for Lucy to have it. And she enjoyed every bite. I suspect that after that forgiveness, it was even tastier.


It was one of those moments that reminds me to keep doing what I am doing. That on the days where it feels that my examples and life lessons and verbal instruction on the "Right Things" to do are falling on deaf ears, they are, in fact, piercing through the exterior. Because today, I was able to catch a glimpse of my daughter's true heart. And let me tell you, it was beautiful.

The Halloween of October's Past

I dug some of these out to show the kids and decided that I needed to embarrass myself even MORE on the internet (but this time, I am taking a couple of you down with me!)


Bethy the Fairy....sporting awesome purple velcro sneakers.


Political Correctness hadn't set in yet so it was okay to dress up like a bum with a Tootsie Roll as your cigar.


Everything that is wrong with this picture include the following:
1. I did it because I was scared of mimes.
2. Greet the mane of Julia Roberts Mystic Pizza Hair that would be permed in only 2 months.
3. The cast. It's purple. Broken ankle. PURPLE.
4. Black Keds. (Wait, I still kinda like those.)


I wish this picture showed the awesome jeans! They were real bell bottoms my mom found and we painted them all up with peace signs and daisies. I remember kind of wishing I could wear them all the time.


I was a pregnant Mama and these were my babies: my sister, my step sister and my sister's best friend. (Told ya I was dragging some of you along with me!)

Finally, this one wasn't from Halloween but I had to throw it in there because it includes the use of one of the most awesome wigs of ALL TIME.



I was on staff with our Jr. High Group and we were having a staff hunt at Seaport Village. The staff and other prominent people in the church dress up in ways the kids won't recognize us and then the kids have to come up to people they think might be a part of the staff hunt, they have to say some sort of ridiculous spy like phrase int he hopes that they will answer you with some sort of spy like phrase and then they get a clue to solve a puzzle after they have found everyone. It was one of my favorite events while on staff.

But after getting dressed up, we discovered it was raining and wasn't going to be letting up so we changed to North County Fair Mall and this wasn't quite as blend-in-able. So I changed.


But I still TOTALLY rocked the black wig.
And my sister did too.

I Forgot the Title of This Post

If you come to my house, you will be more than welcomed. You will most likely be offered a seat on my amazing couch and you will be warned that 97% of people who sit on it end up asleep. You will be treated to some sort of oversized story from my son and either one of my daughters will bring you a book to read. You will, of course, also be offered a soda and encouraged to help yourself should you need another one during your visit. And then, if you excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, I will most likely holler down the hallway after you, "Sign The Book!"

"The Book" is our Bathroom guest book. You will find it in its own cute basket and I have regular pens and some fine point Sharpies as well. Inside the bathroom book you are encouraged to write a poem, tell a story, draw a picture or simply sign your name. It's weird, I know. But I have had a Bathroom Sign In Book for the last 9 years. There are 2 volumes and in the pages you can mark when people had babies, what house we were living in, what movie we were watching or even how my sister did on her recent online practice tests when she was in college. It was when I was reading through the bathroom book that I was reminded of my friend Carol driving me home from a minor procedure and having a bit of fun with me.

I had to have a simple in office biopsy done on the bottom of my tongue (everything was fine) and I'd had them all but knock me out completely. They also loaded me up so I would not be too uncomfortable. You have NO idea how much you move your tongue until something has been sliced off the bottom of it.

I was happy to be awake. I was not happy to be missing part of my tongue. I was happy to have had such a lovely and delightful nurse despite the fact that I had cried over this whole thing while in the recovery room.
"Carol, have you met my nurse Rachel? She's been so nice. So wonderful. so lovely."
"Hi Rachel, nice to meet you."
.......2 minutes pass and Rachel comes back to check in on me.....
"Oh Carol, have you met Rachel? She's been my nurse today. She's so nice."
"Hi Rachel, nice to meet you...again."
"Wait, did I already introduce you?"
.......another 2 minutes pass.........
"Carol, don't let me forget to introduce you to Rachel. She's been the sweetest and nicest nurse through this whole thing.
"Yes Bethany, I met Rachel. She's now a part of the family."
"Oh."

Carol told me it was then she realized that my short term memory was still asleep.

We were given instructions from my doctor which I promptly forgot.
"How often do you take your pain medicine Bethany?"
"Uuuummmmmmmmm."
"1 every 2-4 hours."
"Oh yeah."

Carol drove me home and that's when the real fun started...
"Bethany, I need you to help me remember something. Spencer needs milk. He's just a baby. It is so SO important that he gets his milk. Can you please help me remember to buy milk? For Spencer?"
"Oh yes Carol, I will help you remember." Except it came out more as nodding, drooling and grunting.
....one mile later.....
"I'm going to the grocery store, Bethany, what was I supposed to get?"
"Ohhh nooo. I don't remember!"
....pulling into my apartment.....
"Bethany, remember what I needed to get from the store?"
"Ummm, no. But did I introduce you to my nurse Rachel? She was just a wonderful person."


I am sure there will be more stories from the Bathroom book to come...stay tuned!!

Blogger Fail

Yes Dear Friends, you have done the math correctly: I missed yesterday.

The plan was....
-dinner for the kids
-various other errands and chores
-kids in bed
-go upstairs to edit pictures

and while I was going to be editing pictures.....
-WRITE WEDNESDAY'S BLOG

I even had a topic that included these key words:
short term memory and bathroom sign in book.

But instead I did everything, including the going upstairs but I didn't write.
Sigh.

Tuesday Tenner

10. I think I would have fun working at Costco. When I am there, I see people laughing and joking with each other, I totally rock a name tag and just being there makes me happy so......

9. It has come to the attention of the upstairs bathroom scale that my daily nachos habit is not so wonderful. Although my taste buds are seriously disputing the facts and calling the integrity of the scale into question.

8. I had one of those cool experiences today where God took such great care of my heart when I was in a situation where I was Moses, begging for an Aaron and God instead took me by the hand and helped me do what He'd asked of me. I know how vague that is but if you have been there, you know what I am talking about.

7. RED CUP DAY! Are you like me and you have a lot of friends who celebrate Red Cup Day with the enthusiasm that most people celebrate Christmas? If not, then you need new friends. I will lend you mine.

6. Nathan is watching me type this out and is amazed by my speed. Clearly I need to show off in front of 6 year olds more often. It's good for the ego.

5. When I worked at Berean Christian Stores ("Thank you for calling Berean Christian Stores, this is Bethany, how can I be of service?") I was so fast at the the 10-key that I would wait till there were a lot of customers waiting to check out and I'd ring up my separate orders on the other computer with lightning speed. Because pride is a beautiful thing in a Christian Bookstore.

4. Almost every time I have to write "separate," I have to have it spell checked. I only finally mastered "definite" just last week. Seriously.

3. I recently finished a book series by Ken Follett. "Pillars of the Earth" and "World Without End." They are eleventy billion pages each and you will end up dreaming about their storylines which, to me, is the result of a good read.

2. David came home from work today and gave me the once over look. It was nice. And then he said, "What's going on with the lipstick?" Even though I was fully aware that I had on deep red lipstick that I was auditioning for real life and had applied it in the car only a few hours before, I pretended to not know what he was talking about. Risky move, yes, but I got an "I like it. It looks good." out of him. Success!

1. I took a series of pictures of my sister and Ella playing with a baby doll recently in the Big Red Chair (before it's near fatal injury.) And this one is my favorite. It just makes me smile.

Please Form a Single Line for Dead Relative Insults

A few nights ago, I shared a piece of pie with my mom, sister and stepsister. I met them at Coco's and we laughed and I drank waay too much iced tea and it is very possible our server thought we were all crazy. And then it came to be story time.

See, my stepsister wasn't around a couple of years ago the evening my mom and sister and I sat around a high table in the Marie Callendar's bar area doing much of the same thing we were doing that night. Except, we were there because my grandmother-my mom's mom-had died only a few hours before.

As soon as it happened, and the things that needed to be dealt with were complete and David came home to watch the Zablets, I met Mom and Kristy in LaMesa. They were already halfway through the entire pumpkin pie they'd ordered for the two of them. (If there is one thing we gals know, it is how to properly drown our sorrows in starchy foods and carbs.) Since I am not a pumpkin pie fan, I ordered the biggest bowl possible of Marie's potato cheese soup. (Ohhhhh soooo heavenly.)

We spent the evening laughing a little, eavesdropping on a conversation in the next booth between older 2 men and an older woman who had obviously reunited after some time and we could not tell who the woman had come with. Or if she'd come on her own and was hoping to leave with someone. But we enjoyed their very loud conversation about their good old days.

Our waitress was very sweet and when she found out why we were sitting there, she was so lovely and sympathetic and laughed at our food choices but it was the "I Hear Ya Sister" kind of laugh as if she would have pulled up an order of potato skins as soon as her shift was over.

Eventually the conversation moved on to more recent things going on in our lives. My sister's job, my mom's approaching wedding and my work at church. I was, at the time, frustrated with someone (honestly, no idea who) who was being all kinds of drama for me and whatever project I was working on. I was fed up and found myself just venting to my mom and sister. I was cooking up a great big batch of righteous indignation complete with 5 course meal and dessert. I explained how out of touch the person was with reality and how dramatic they were behaving and to drive my point home, I used a comparative analysis statement:

"I mean, it's not like their MOM JUST DIED or anything."

*blink, blink*

"I mean, er..........not 'mom died' because your mom just did die and........"

I looked around for the nearest exit, prayed for Jesus to return and attempted to drown myself in my potato soup all at the same time but I didn't need to: my mom was almost choking on her pumpkin pie with laughter.

The phrase is now a part of the family history and used whenever someone has just really stepped into it, verbally. And it, um, happens a LOT around here.


C'mon, fess up. you've done something like this too, right? Right?!?!

Haloooo NaBloPoMo!

I greet you with the sweetness and light of a blogger who plans to write every single day for the rest of the month. And this is my first post. Note the sweetness. Note the light. Note that most of it is organically manifested within and not a direct result of the Halloween Candy Sugar High I will have for the rest of the month.

Wow, Bethany, a whole month of Candy Sugar High? Why yes, dear reader, because after I'd bought a very modest amount of candy and then watched as neighbors actually filled ALL THREE of my kids Pumpkin buckets TO THE TOP with candy, and then had only 3 trick or treaters come to the door, I have MORE candy than when I actually began the Halloween Celebration!

Think I'm being dramatic? Think I might exaggerate a little? Think this blog already contains too many questions? Well, here is the loot......



You know, it's hard to really judge depth in a photograph. Can we measure?



Wow. Look at that.


I now have 4 gallon Ziploc bags filled with leftover Halloween Candy. Everyone who works with David should just watch out: He's bringing it to you Monday morning.


Of course, they should also know there will not be a single peanut butter cup in the bunch.

The Facts of Candy

Dear Children of Poway,

You want to come to my house tonight. I give out good candy. I give out paper bags filled to overflowing of candy. It is awesome.

But you must understand, there will, under no circumstances, be ANY Resees Peanut Butter Cups in those paper bags. It's just how it is.

Love,
The Lady With Peanut Butter Cup Breath

Because He's a Boy

Nate's Friday Folder brought this home....and when I sent a picture of it to his father, David replied, "That's awesome."



And, well, I guess it kinda is!

Making Up

I'm sorry.
Can we be okay again? I will go back to the writing the happy and sometimes funny and occasionally inspiring things and you can go back to the reading and the commenting and the loving me again?

Find someone to hug you. Because if you were here with me, we would not only be watching 30 Rock from last week and eating candy pumpkins but I would also hug you. Because I am a hugger and I give exceptional hugs. (It's all my squishy padding.)

So, are we cool?
Good.
I feel so much better.

So.....I am totally doing this again.

I know what you are thinking: Really Bethany? Even though lately you aren't.....so much with the words?
But, I have always done it and I am one of those people who LOVE traditions and I want to stick with this one.

If you are looking for time to kill, you can see my offerings for NaBloPoMo 2008 and NaBloPoMo 2007

Now, before I go, I leave you with this set of images...its Nathan and Ella riding on a tricycle and it is super duper cute.

You Don't Want to Read This One.

It is 2:30am Sunday morning and I am avoiding sleeping. Because sleeping leads to movement into the next day. And when you find yourself dreading the "next day" you'll do what you need to do to make it arrive as slowly as possible. It's a tried and true technique of mine that never works and almost always fries me the next day.

But tonight is different because I am getting things done: I am cleaning out my DVR by watching all my saved episodes of "Melrose Place" and "Models of the Runway."
See how responsible I am?!

Okay guys, here it is. (And this is an old story for some of you guys.)
Back in December I got really sick. It was a flu or a virus or something but it was the sickest I had been in a long time. And while I made light of the ringing in my ears and didn't even mention the severe loss of hearing, it was all there. I was so sure it was something simple like a build up of fluid and since it was Christmas and vacations and all that, I didn't get to a doctor till the end of December who then referred me to a specialist.

The specialist diagnosed me with Sudden Sensorineural Hearing Loss (SSHL) and it most likely is a result of the virus as well as my delay in seeing the doctor or specialist.

My hearing loss in my left ear is classified as "severe." If you walk up behind me on my left side, I won't hear you. If we are in a restaurant and you are anywhere but right next to me on my right side, I will most likely not hear you. My TV is turned up extra loud and if I am not paying attention, I will (and have) miss the verbal direction our worship leader gives when the band is supposed to repeat the chorus on a Sunday Morning Praise song.

The ringing is constant. Loud. And always there. And when I am really in the mood to bum myself out, I force myself to listen to it. How pathetic is that?

None of this will go away. In my case, the SSHL is permanent. And know what? It kinda sucks.

Okay, moving on to the topic--at my latest appointment with my specialist, we discussed the various possibilities of hearing aids. With my loss, the system that would work best is the BAHA system. It involves a minor procedure (you can click the link to see more if you care to know) and is a more permanent solution to my problem.

What is cool is that, before I make a decision to have my doctor drill a screw into my skull (oh wait, I said it-sorry,) I can TRY the device just by using it clipped onto a headband thing. The headband thing isn't cute and covered with polka dot fabric. And, it has a weird thing on one end that kind of pokes out and then has the device on the other end. I have noticed a difference. It is kind of cool to hear things clearly through my left ear. I have been wearing the headband and device all weekend.

So.....why am I avoiding Sunday?
I don't want to wear the headband. I don't want to have to talk about it all morning at church. I don't want to have to tell and retell what is going on to people. People who dare to care about me. Love me even.

I could, of course, not wear it. That would be easy. But it also feels kind of hypocritical, you know? Not hypocritical just....not right. I hold a solution (or improvement) to my hearing loss in my hands and I choose not to use it?! How many ways is that wrong?

And how ridiculous is it that I am whining about this? And to you?!

I think this is one of those things where there are a whole LOT of emotions about this whole thing and I am choosing to focus all of those on one event. Maybe some time I will waste even more of your time blog about getting the BAHA "installed" vs. my constant prayer for a miraculous healing = a wavering in my faith?

If you made it to the end of this, thank you. You should get a medal. But I have better than a medal! I have a video of Jim Gaffigan talking about Hot Pockets. You're welcome.

Mommy Doesn't Eat Dead Grapes.

The bag comes home and everyone rejoices.

David and Nathan usually rejoice with a similar "Yeah!" and Lucy squeeks while Ella just points and grunts (she is still a baby after all.) I get the scooper and open the bag while Nathan or Lucy help me get little plastic bowls for everyone.

Everyone usually gets 2-3 scoops. and the bowls are handed out. Only Ella's needs some removing of a few things that she can't quite chew yet.

We all sit at the table and crunch. and crunch. And talk (sometimes with our mouths full) and crunch. After a few minutes, it begins......

"Mommy, can I have your raisins?"

"Nathan, I will take all your cashews-I do not understand why you don't like them!"

"Daddy, Ella is saying 'More,' I think she wants more raisins."

"Lucy don't forget, no more M&M's for you, they are dairy. Want a bunch of my peanuts instead?"

"Daddy, can I have some of your--" "No, Daddy eats all the stuff in his."


We are a family of 5.
Ella can only eat the raisins.
Lucy eats the nuts and raisins.
Nathan will eat peanuts and M&M's.
Mommy eats everything BUT the raisins.
Daddy eats it all.


It makes me smile how a bag of Trail Mix from Costco can bring our family together.

Let's Have Beans for Every Meal!

Here's a little Friday video for you....

Poorly shot on my camera phone with a messy house in the background but I can't resist a video where, at about the 0:32 mark, you will hear Ella toot and then "Ahhhh."


And yes, just posted a video about tooting. It seens like the perfect ending to a week in which I traded lyrics with a fellow blogger to the "Beans Beans the Musical Fruit" song via Twitter.

Enjoy! (And turn your volume up.)

And Then I Promptly Placed Myself on Time Out

My daughter just scolded me.

Lucy. The four year old.

And I had to do my best to not laugh.

She marched into the living room and said. "Guess what? Ella could reach the knife."

Her head was cocked to one side and she had one hand on her hip.

In the other hand? The offending butter knife. Covered in jelly from the morning's jelly bagels.

I apologized.

I didn't feel like there was anything else I could do but to apologize.

Bottlecaps, Bottlecaps and Ripples

We here at The Wardrobe (Falling Out Of) make it a point to never get involved in a land war in Asia and, some would say more importantly, we never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.

Additionally, we throw in odd movie quotes into our blogs to see if people are paying attention. AND, we like to tell stories of embarrassing situations for our most favoritest of the blog labels: Are You Not Entertained? So get your blanket, your favorite Grandma Sisi pillow and a snuggly friend, here we go.......

(Psst, Dad, I will be using the word "bra straps" in this story. I might also be using some interesting metaphors that relate to bras. Just a heads up.)

Once upon a time there was this lovely store here in Southern California called Mervyns. It was good for picking up basic items of clothing that were a little nicer than Target but not as nice as Nordstrom and they also carried the best underwears.

In addition to the underwears, they carried a HUGE selection of sundresses. These were dresses with many different kinds of prints. Some had sleeves, some didn't. Many of them tied in the back and when they did not tie, you would often find something like fabric covered alligator clamps that would cinch your dress in the back and create a very slimming silhouette. Boys and girls, Mrs. Bethany loved those dresses. She had lots of them. But her favorite was the maroon plaid one.

The maroon plaid dress was long long long and had a long tie in the back and was strapless. She could wear the dress from work to a date with her hot hubby to church even! She could wear it while babysitting a friend's kid or hanging out at the beach. It was a beautiful relationship except for one simple flaw:

The armholes cut in toward the neck just a tiny bit more than her bra straps did. So her bra straps would sometimes show. *gasp!* This was NOT okay in the world of 1998. People weren't as willy nilly with bra straps as they are here in the world of 2009. So she searched for solutions.

Some of these included strapless bras and even an ace bandage. These were either ridiculous or uncomfortable (I will let you decide which was which) and just didn't offer the solution Mrs. Bethany was looking for.

Mrs. Bethany had heard from a friend of her sister that when faced with a similar problem, she said she just skipped the bra completely-just not worn one at all! A new concept to Mrs. Bethany, she inquired how she handled the, um, "standing at attention" problem she had should she enter a cold room. Her solution? Band Aids.

(Okay, it is at this part of the story that I will be substituting the word "bottlecap" or "bottlecaps" for the word I might need in this story that rhymes with "ripple." Are you following me? Okay then, onward. )

Mrs. Bethany believed the idea of putting band aids over bottlecaps so that your ladyness and elegance remained intact seemed like a brilliant idea. Without putting a whole lot of thought into it, the very next day she prepared herself to wear the beautiful maroon plaid dress with the band aids applied. It was okay most of the day. Different, freeing maybe, and definitely made sure that there was none of the aforementioned willy nilly strap display.

At the end of the day, feeling proud of herself and pleased that the bottlecap solution was a success, she went to change into her "home clothes." We all have them. They are the cozy sweats or yoga pants and oversized t-shirt or tank top that seem to almost apply themselves to your body when you walk in the door. Except, Mrs. Bethany had a certain bottlecap/band aid situation to take care of first.

It is at this point of telling the story that I shall spare you the step by step of the arduous process of removing something coated with incredibly strong adhesive from skin that is very soft and just let you do the Bottlecap Math. And since so many of you are so very smart, I am guessing your figures are adding up.

Mrs. Bethany had two very angry and abused bottlecaps. And Mrs. Bethany was looking for some answers from her sister and sister’s friend.

Upon talking to this sister and her friend, Mrs. Bethany discovered two things:
1. Her sister’s friend hadn’t ever actually TRIED the bottlecap solution.
2. Mrs. Bethany’s sister and her friend couldn’t stop laughing.

So, boys and girls, the moral of this story is two-fold…..

Treat your bottle caps with kindness, no matter how cute the sundress may be.

and

Never believe your little sister and her friend. Never.

What is This Place? I Hardly Recognize It!

I haven't forgotten you.

I haven't forgotten the blog.

My dad wants me to write about the Padres.

My kids all want me to write every knock knock joke they tell each other.

I am tempted to describe to you-in detail-just how much snot is currently occupying my brain space.
But I don't want to turn you away.

Instead can I direct you to a couple of folks that you might enjoy?
(I should say-I have MANY friends who blog and blog with brilliance. This is merely an ever so small selection of people I love.)

Friend Lori: In the midst of potential devastation (which is sometimes harder than the devastation actually happening) Lori manages to see the humor in life and shares it quite well.

Nat the Fat Rat...and some other such things: Oh she's funny. And she makes me think about the meaning of life and how important it is to really OWN the red lipstick you dare to wear. And she makes the cutest onesies! Look! right here!

Friend Summer at Le Musings of Moi: Know how awesome she is? She blogs every day. Every day, people! And you do NOT want to miss the Fashion Friday posts!!

If you visit, read. If you read, comment. If you comment, tell them I sent you!!

And I will be back soon.
That's not a pie crust promise. Unless it is a pie crust that I end up making. (Those are rock hard solid.)

First Day of School AND Happy Birthday David!

While this blog is often used to entertain and provoke you, today we are taking care of a little family business. We had the first day of school as well as David's birthday!

The day started with the classic photo shoot.



Which included some classic Nate faces....



Smile with your bottom teeth!



Who said he's allowed to look so grown up?



Here is what Nathan looks like as a First Grader in action...



As has it has become the tradition, we headed to Original Pancake House for carbs and (gluten free for Mommy) pancakes. This time we had David with us! We enjoyed hanging out, contemplating which of the many pancakes to order and trying to keep the very vocal baby entertained. It was a lovely morning. And a great way to celebrate a birthday!*




*= The photographer in me has to mention that when we stopped at home before breakfast, we switched the camera from the 5D to the Rebel. I just had to say it.

We've Decided to Call it the Nasal Douche

People, I have been sick. And it has been gross. Coughing. Sniffling. Snot everywhere. (Yes, I'm done. Well, mostly.) I reluctantly picked up some cold medicine because I really had to power through a few events that weekend and couldn't do it on my good looks alone. I also, after receiving wise counsel from my friends on Facebook, picked up.........a Neti Pot.

Let's speak frankly here people: It's gross. Possibly grosser than the snot everywhere. But its also, um, kind of addicting. You feel so good after using it! Even if you can't really look yourself in the mirror because you know you didn't look as cute as the smiling girl on Oprah.

Well, David was kind of facinated by the process so I shouldn't have been surprised when I excused myself one day to go use my neti pot, he wanted to watch.

"You can't WATCH me use it! No way!"

"I don't see the problem here."

"It's gross and embarassing and there will be water running out of my nose!"

"Honey, I have seen you give birth to 3 children-this can't be any different."

"Yes, but after those 3 births, I handed you a sweet wonderful and cuddly baby. After I use the neti...........well, that would be something entirely different I would be handing you."

In Appreciation of Statler and Waldorf

"You never know when something funny's gonna happen on this blog."

"Did something funny happen?"

"Yep."

"You'd never know it!"


We are in a very Muppet place in the House of Zab. We've got a CD in the car and we have been watching my DVD's of the show and movies. I don't think there is anything that makes my heart swell as when I get to share something I love (and I mean LOVE) with my kiddos. Lucy is a big Miss Piggy fan. We are reminding her that she can't "hi-yah!" karate chop her brother or sister. Nathan loves the jokes and the songs and reminding us EVERY MOMENT of the show that we are watching puppets.

"Mommy, see how Fozzie is laying down? There's a man under him making him talk."

"See that Lucy? The puppets are swimming in the water. Mom, do you think the guys making the puppets talk are getting wet too?"

"Nate, that man sitting right there is Jim Henson. He's the creator of the Muppets and the man who does Kermit's voice."
"Oh wow! So he took Kermit off his hand so he could run over to that part of the stage and sit at that table?"
cricket, cricket
"Yes Nate. Sure. that's what he did."

Yeah, That's the Awesome Wife I Am.

"I told Kristy we were just going to the taco shop for dinner tonight. That's okay, right?"

"What? I thought you were cooking me dinner!"

"Oh yes, that's right. I am. A four course meal."

"Really? What is it?"

"Well, I'm starting with a cucumber based gazpacho with a hint of mint. Then I am serving a cranberry and walnut salad covered in a homemade cranberry vinaigrette. For the main course, I was planning on roquefort cheese hamburgers*. You take the burger and sink the cheese in the center and grill it up. It's delicious."

"Oh wow, do you need me to fire up the grill?"

"No, I've got it taken care of. For dessert I was just thinking a basic crème brule."

"Can I fire the top?"

"Sure!"

"Wow, that sounds amazing! I'd think that if you were making something like that, you'd have to be in the kitchen cooking up a storm."

"Oh I know, right?"

"Well, I can't wait. It sounds good."

"It IS good. It might look like a carne asada burrito to you, but it really will be a four course meal."

*= thank you Top Chef Masters for making me look goooood.

P.S. Vacation Bible School is over, school is almost beginning. We are thisclose to returning to your regularly scheduled blogs.

Ella Meets the Beach

This picture accurately displays Ella's feelings regarding experiencing beach sand for the first time...

WINNER!

And this picture accurately displays her feelings about that water that keeps chasing her...

Uhhh, Not so much.

It was our family's first visit to the beach this summer and Nate and Lucy reunited with the water and sand as if they were long lost friends. Ella was hilarious and talked the whole time. David got to take pictures and breathe in the salty air.

And I became a cliche when, upon glimpsing a view of the PILES of sand in kids' beds this morning, I trumpeted, "What'd you do? Bring the whole beach home with you?!"

The Answer Is-of Course-Gene Kelly

My sister and I were raised on musicals. We loved watching all the classics from MGM, the more dancing and singing the better. However, over time, favorites emerged for both of us. Kristy preferred the big Busby Berkley numbers with the ballgowns and large production numbers while my style stuck closer to the "gingham and clambake, lets put on a show" type.

Along with these preferred styles, two distinct favorites were decided upon.
Kristy's favorite was Fred Astaire.
Mine was Gene Kelly.



As we grew older and saw that the other was not seeing the error of her ways by not preferring the clearly superior dancer, the war began. It included everything to her under the breath comment as to the grace of Fred to having Gene Kelly sing every time there she called me. Friends and family were asked to choose: Fred or Gene? We know they are both good but you MUST PICK ONE!

So......Pick one!

Underachievers, All of You.

I tried to burn the house down today.



But I was unsuccessful as the smell of melting plastic was more than I could bear.



And while I was scooping melted plastic off my stovetop, I decided to go ahead and poison myself. (Stay with me, folks.)

I started by taking a bite of this which, for me, is bad enough. (No wheat and gluten allowed for me anymore!)



And then I wiped my mouth with a close by paper towel I had just used sitting on my kitchen counter.
But it wasn't a paper towel since it came from this....



What did YOU do today?

The 18 Month Old Learns Physics

In an attempt to thank Aunt Kristy ("Dun dun dun duuuuunnnnn!!!) for her acts of braverism, Ella decided to fling herself in Aunt Kristy's direction with all the force in her little 18 month old body. And there was nothing to slow down that forward motion other than....Aunt Kristy's nose.

We don't THINK its fractured.

Tippy Toes!

First day of Dance Class for Lucy today!
Well, its a "Pre Dance" Dance Class but it went so well that Lucy has decided that she's going to take the "rock and roll" class next door to her studio. (It was an advanced jazz class.)

Last night, while making a list of everything I'd need for the morning my questions included the following:

1. Why does this class start at 8:30am? Who hates the mothers of 4 and 5 year olds so much?
2. Will Lucy actually follow her teacher's instructions or teach her own dance to the other students and hijack the class much like her mother did many many moons ago?

I could insert an anecdote about myself taking a dance class involving me creating my own routine and calling the rest of the class over to where I was rather than follow my teacher but that would just take too long and this post is about Lucy!

Thankfully-for me, but not for you, my readers-the class was without incident. I didn't get a lot of pictures because I didn't think they'd want Ella running around yelling or Nathan running and sliding on his knees on the very polished dance floor. So while the kids played on the playground outside, I'd duck in and peek every once in awhile. And let me tell you: She was cute. Like, next time I get mad at her and I can't calm down by counting her freckles, I'm going to make her put on her leotard and tights and show me her new dance steps.

Let's get to the pictures!













What a beautiful dancer, my sweet Lucy Goose.

The One Where You, the Reader, Wonders if You Should Click on the Words "Dead Rat"

Wow guys, you should be amazed that I am even ALIVE after this holiday weekend!
(What's that? It's Wednesday already? Shhhhh.)


Okay, its the morning. Mommy is in sweats and tank top, kids are in jammies and Mommy needs her tea.
Insert the "Beauty of the Starbucks Drive Thru" Song here. (It's a song. I sing it almost twice a week.)
We climb in the car, as is, and get Mommy her fix.

While on the way, Nathan tells a story about how he saw a dead rat hanging on a neighbors fence.
What?! He must be mistaken.
Mommy tells him-for a good 10 minutes-how that is next to impossible. How she is not saying he's lying, just mistaken. The only time he'd see something like that would be if it was Halloween and it was a fake rat.

Later in the day, Mommy runs to the store and takes Nate the Great with her. A nice time is had by all and on the way home, Nathan reminds Mommy of the rat. Confident he is seeing something like a jacket or robe hanging on the neighbor's fence, she pulls the car around and sees.........A DEAD RAT.

WHAAAT?! He's dead. He's (all rat's are "he's") kind of hanging half over the fence and it's kind of confusing how he's still hanging on so tightly even though he's totally dead. Not mostly dead.

Calls are placed to the hubs who is concerned till he finds out the fence is across the street from his own home. Calls are placed to the city of Poway who calls back and says they'll come get it but they're gonna charge for it. Calls are placed to the Home Owners Association who sound concerned but clearly are already lounging by the pool for the holiday weekend and can't be bothered to clean up a rotting and possibly rabid animal. (All rats are "he's" and all dead ones most assuredly have rabies.)

A day passes. It's still there.
Another day passes, still there.

Mommy picks up Aunt Kristy ("Dun dun dun duuuunnnnn!!" Aunts always need their own superhero theme music) and even though it's nighttime, she drives her over to peek and see if the rat is still there. Mommy regrets not filming the reaction Aunt Kristy had when she finally saw the rat. Mommy and Aunt Kristy ("Dun dun dun duuuunnnnn!!") drive around the block a few times before parking since the neighbors living near the Dead Rat SAW Aunt Kristy looking at the Dead Rat.

Another day passes.
It is now July 4th and Mommy wonders if she should make Viewing the Dead Rat a part of her 4th of July celebration.
But she would not have to because AUNT KRISTY HAD OTHER PLANS (""Dun dun dun duuuunnnnn!!")

Aunt Kristy was appalled at the presence of The Dead Rat. And she had HAD. ENOUGH.
When Mommy picked her up on the Day of Independence, Aunt Kristy announced, "The Dead Rat will be no more."

Mommy was in awe.

And when Mommy and Aunt Kristy got home, Aunt Kristy ("Dun dun dun duuuunnnnn!!") got a plastic bag and marched across the street.

"She's really going to go get the Dead Rat." Mommy told Daddy.
"Good for her." Daddy told Mommy.
"You aren't going out there to do it instead?"
"Nope."

Mommy heard the Aunt Kristy Theme Song playing loudly and boldly as Aunt Kristy crossed the street with the empty grocery bag. She marched right up to the Dead Rat, grabbed it using the bag as a glove and tied the bag up lickety-split.

"Ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh!!" Mommy exclaimed as Aunt Kristy ("Dun dun dun duuuunnnnn!!") displayed such an act of bravery and triumphantly returned and deposited the Dead Rat in the community trashcan.

"Okay, you are completely AWESOME!" Mommy proclaimed and she continued to prepare for her 4th of July, Independence Day Celebration that had now also turned into a The Dead Rat is Gone Celebration.



Aunt Kristy ("Dun dun dun duuuunnnnn!!") saved me! Aren't you guys glad?
And THEN, when I was taking her home the next day, there was a bee in my car and she captured and released it all while I watched in awe, eating my frozen yogurt.

How to Survive a Sleepover Without Really Trying

It was Belated Birthday Party Time for Nephew Nicholas this weekend. We picked out the cake he wanted: Strawberry cake with red icing ("So it will still look like a boy cake.") And the dinner menu was planned: quesadillas without beans (he doesn't like that I put refried beans in the flat burritos I often make and since it's his birthday, he called the shots) and a watermelon that Nick insisted we buy.

The fun started after Sunday Afternoon's nap with a movie of Nick's choosing and then we all trekked down to the pool for a swim. (This was key in the plan of success!)

It was quickly followed by dinner (picnic style) and cupcakes ("tup-takes" as Nick calls them) and the announcement that we would be SLEEPING DOWNSTAIRS!! There was much rejoicing. And then a photo shoot of epic proportion....



And from this photo shoot, an even MORE epic photo shoot commenced (how is that is even possible?!)



The evening ended with kids slowly and surely rolling over and falling asleep. We only had 2 wake ups in the middle of the night (not counting the one where Nate got up and woke up Daddy instead of me) and I was pleased to call the event a success when this morning Nick walked over to the computer to see the pictures and smiled at me when he said, "That was so much fun last night."

Ahhhhhh.

The Final Word.

I heard a wise speaker challenge a roomful of Christian women about their speaking habits. These are women. They TALK. (We do.) We "chat," we "catch up," we "share prayer requests," and we even out and out gossip. But for the things that are really tugging at our hearts-the things we need to lay at the feet of our Lord-she issued the following challenge:

Talk about your problems with GOD

MORE

than you talk about it with everyone else.

Say what?
Read it again. I'll wait.

This means EXACTLY what it says. There is no hidden meaning or way of "interpreting" it.
I could write pages and pages about how this can effect us every day in every word we say but for today, I am applying it to the Jon and Kate Gosselin issue.

I am neck deep in divorce. It surrounds me on both sides of the family and in the lives of some dear friends. It is an issue I will never hesitate to speak about from the perspective of a child of divorced parents. I couldn't even watch the Jon and Kate episode tonight talking about their decision to divorce, I just can't listen to it.

Instead, I am tonight choosing to talk about it less and pray about them more. I know I have spent over an hour of my life in the last 3 weeks discussing them when instead I could be lifting them up in prayer. Praying for their kids.

I am done. I am off to pray.
And that is my final word about that.

And Then I Told Him Superman Was Dead

The song "Rainbow Connection" plays and the singer pauses to converse with some over sized puppets about how we ALL can find the Rainbow Connection, not just him. The singer and the band reflectively tag the end of the song and continue to play when Nathan turns to me and dreamily says, "Mommy, will we EVER find the Rainbow Connection?"

I turn to him and reply................
"No Nathan, the Rainbow Connection is not a real place. Now go upstairs and get dressed."




Mommy: Keeper of Dreams and Encourager of Imagination

Because I'm All About the New Math

Dear Water Rationing People,

Hi. I'm a mother of 3 kids (plus an extra one on the weekends,) I work part time, and I have VERY full life on Facebook and I wanted to talk to you about this whole 5 minute shower concept.

I am very conscious when it comes to conservation. I recycle. I don't waste food. I don't leave the faucet running when brushing my teeth or shaving. (Burt and Ernie taught me that.) I make my kids turn out the lights all the time and I always run my appliances after 7pm. In fact, most of the time they are running at 3am since that's the only time I have to even attempt to do laundry. (Wait a minute, what are we saving again? Oh yes, water.)

Lets talk about water. I wanted to know if we could reach some sort of deal on this 5 minute shower concept. I call it a concept because I am a little doubtful that you guys really put enough thought into it. Did you factor in the time it takes to wrestle open a slippery, wet shampoo bottle? Or is there any grace if you drop your washcloth and have to pick it up? Or how about if you are shampoo-ing (ohh that made me giggle) and a kid comes in to tell you that another kid took her crayons and then the crayon culprit comes in to defend himself and you are left with shampoo-d (ha! there it is again!) but unrinsed hair and holding a full court session in your bathroom? (And the defense is extremely long-winded.)

I have a deal for you. So try to keep up, Shower People.

I am thankful if I get to take a shower every other day. So, applying your math of 5 minute showers, that means I can take a 10 minute shower every other day. I would also like you to provide a credit line for those people with kids and the extra sweat they go through each day. Let's say 1 minute each kid. Now I am up to a 16 minute shower. That gets me probably washed and my hair clean (I won't make another joke about shampoo-ing....giggle) but people! I still have to exfoliate! I have to condition! I have to attempt to BE ALONE!

16 minutes so far.
Here's my next equation.

What if I bathe the kids extra quickly? Can I have their unused minutes? I mean, the baby, I could probably keep her clean with baby wipes alone, would I then get her 5 minutes? How about if I get some of that dry shampoo Heidi had and use that on Lucy's hair? And in the summer when we go swimming, that's totally a bath right there!

If my figures are correct, it looks like I am up to about 30 minutes of showering every other day.
And that equals the kind of math I can really get behind.

I hope you consider my request, Water Rationing Board and 5 Minute Showering People. And if you need to investigate my theory a little closer, I believe that the Crayon Culprit can hold his closing arguments in YOUR bathroom tomorrow morning.

Sincerely,

Bethany Zabrosky

Save Me a Seat at the Breakfast Table

Lucy’s prayer on the way to school this morning…..

“Dear Jesus,

Thank you for this day. May Nate and I be good at school today and have good days.
And Jesus, I have camping day today at my school and it is going to be so much fun and I hope you can see me.
One day I will get to see you and when I do, I will give you a big hug.”

I can’t wait to hug Jesus either.

Do me a favor and say hey to Jesus

And tell him I’m missing him too

Tell him I’m missing him too

Guest Blogger Alert!

I guest blogged for my dear friend Carol today in her weekly Thankful Ten on Tuesday feature... if you want to see the 10 beverages I am thankful for, cruise on over!

Beyond Black and White: Giving God the Crayon

And bookmark the site. Carol is a dynamic writer. you don't want to miss a word she shares!

The 10 Year Plan of a 6 Year Old

"Mommy, when I grow up, know what kind of car I'm gonna have? The fastest car in. the. world."

"Wow Nathan, that is going to cost a lot of money."

"I know Mommy, but I have a plan. "

"Oh yeah?"

"I am going to open a lemonade stand and people will pay $10 for lemonade. But I'm only going to have it one day a week because I have other things I need to do."

"Uhhhh......."

"And then I'm going to take the money I make and save it in my bank with the lid that tells me how much money I have and when I my bank is full, I am going to get a big cardboard box and spill all of my money into the box."


I started to ask why Nathan wasn't interested in putting the money in the bank but decided that it would be ill advised to question a plan that was so clearly well thought out.

Liar, Liar, 4.7

It had been one of those nights where it seems the kids had some sort of springs in their beds. They'd gotten up for glasses of water, claimed they hadn't brushed their teeth, that they were hungry, etc. So when Nathan came out AGAIN, he barely got to state his case...

"Mommy?"

"Nate. Get back in bed."

"But Mommy, my bed is shaking. It's really really true!"

Daddy walked halfway up the stairs to take over.

"Nathan, it's because you keep jumping in and out of your bed. Stay in bed."


The door creaks. Lucy is now up as well.

"Daddy, my bed is shaking."

Daddy is fed up: "Lucy get in bed. Nathan get in bed."

Mommy is fed up as well: "Both of you get your bottoms back in your beds!"


*ching a ling a ling* I get a text message from my mom. Oh!

I go running upstairs to David who is thisclose to handing out some spankings.

"Uhhh, David. Apparently there was an earthquake. They probably DID feel their beds shaking."

Lucy says, with a smile: "I thought there was a crocodile under my bed but it was just an earthquake!"
And she hopped back into bed with a smile.


This stay of execution has been brought to you by The Grandma Sisi Foundation: Using text messaging technology to save the heinies of cute and snuggly grandchildren everywhere.

The One Where I Am Confused

Dropping Nathan off at school this morning I noticed a whole lot of parents and kids that I didn't recognize.




It kinda made me wonder if I'd taken him to the wrong school.

The Nose Knows

Dear Febreze,

When you first came out a number of years ago, people thought you were amazing. You'd spray their clothes with a light scent, those clothes would get tossed in the dryer and come out looking like they'd JUST been laundered! AMAZING.

And then you had stuff to spray on your COUCH! And your CARPET! AMAZING!

But, Febreze, I really think you should have thought this whole "scent thing" through a little more. You see, when you first appeared in the Target laundry aisle and I was a brand new housewife, I used you everywhere. On the clothes, on the bed, on the couch. I think I bought every different variation of your brand. And now that I am a not so brand new housewife (and frankly have an even greater need for your smelling good and anti-allergen abilities) I have a problem with the scent of you.

The scent of Febreze= DIRTY CLOTHES.

Now, if I grab a cute top I wore for 2 hours 3 days ago, spray, it tumble it and wear it for a night out with the girls, I am going to think of my laundry pile outside the washing machine that never gets smaller. I picture that pair of jeans I am trying to squeeze one more wear out of. Dirty work clothes, sweaty T-Ball gear, stinky toddler socks all swirl around my head in a Looney Tunes fashion. And because of that, I can't use you!

My suggestion?
Make Febreze to smell exactly like major detergent brands. If I spray and tumble and pull out a shirt that smells like Tide, I am one happy gal! If I can walk out the door with clothes that smell like Gain or Surf or All then I won't be thinking of dirty laundry while I sip a Manhattan at Bing Crosby's, I will be able to clearly form a plan to steal the shoes one of my friends might be wearing. (I love shoes.)

In conclusion Febreze, I think a move in this direction might be just what the laundry aisle needs to shake things up. This might cause women to EEK! out loud while picking up dryer sheets. (Hey, that's another scent you could adopt!) You never know, Febreze, sometimes it doesn't take much to brighten our day.

Sincerely,

A Woman Who takes Her Laundry Scents Just a Little Too Seriously

Toddler on Air Guitar

My cable company just added new music channels to their "Music Choice" lineup and while checking them out, I found a "Toddler Tunes" channel. It sounded interesting and nice so I tuned in........huh?? 

I just heard a Lullaby version (no singing) of "You Can't Always Get What You Want" (by the Rolling Stones) played on what sounds very much like the piano that Nathan was given on his First Christmas.

I was puzzled at first but as I thought about it, it is a very good life principle to teach young children. You can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need.

"Genius!" my thoughts continued! "What a good message to send to young children and toddlers! this is something we all need to know in life and as my child is falling asleep, these are good words to be drifting around in her head. It might be just the right thing to help her build a good foundation of realizing the difference between want and need."

I leaned back and listened to the tinkle (hee hee, I said tinkle) of the toy piano. I wondered to myself what the rest of the lyrics might be but then I decided that I just didn't want to know.

But then I realized it. Something you may have realized already.
I don't know many toddlers or babies who might already know the words to this particular Rolling Stones song....so this all music version of classic rock and roll isn't really going to have any effect on my child's moral upbringing unless I teach her the words to the song.

And we all know that if I'm schooling Lucy or Ella on The Music of the Rolling Stones, I'm gonna be starting with "Satisfaction."




Wait a minute....hmmm.

****************************

UPDATE: Now the Music Channel is playing a lullaby version of Dolly Parton's "9 to 5." 

Really?

Look Away...I'm Hideous

This morning, when I woke up, it was quickly apparent that I had spent most of the night sleeping on my face. There was a very strong resemblance to Mel Gibson in "Man Without a Face."

No, I am not posting a picture of myself. I do have a teeny tiny shred of dignity.

I can't take Nathan to school looking like this so even though we are ready to go, we are waiting for Mommy to return to normal. 

Do you think they have a box to check on Nate's Tardy Slip for something like this? 

This might be a fill in the blank situation.

Reason For Tardy......

...Mom just wasn't herself.

...was busy fostering an appreciation for the Mel Gibson films of the 1990's. (Next is "Forever Young.")

...student to terrified to ask for a ride to school.

...it's a BEAST! A Horrible, monsterous BEAST!

War.

All around me, there is silence.
The cause of my conflict is tucked safely in bed.
I focus myself and with great concentration begin to apply layer after layer-painting myself and symbolically showing the world:

This is war.

I have declared it and will not rest until I win.
Or I'm dead.

The warpaint applied, I surround herself with my arsenal of weapons and begin the waiting.
I may appear peaceful.
I may appear calm.
But a battle is raging right there on my face.


It is the signs of aging.
And this 32 year old plans to win.

And That's the Day Mommy Started Drinking at Lunchtime

The Cast:
Mommy, Age 32
Oldest Brother, Age 6
Nephew, Age 4 1/2
Oldest Sister, Age 4
Youngest Sister, Age 1

The Theme: How Mommy Lost Her Mind
As told in brief statements of reflection
and
Ongoing Facebook Status via Twitter (indicated by italics)

And....BEGIN!!

Bethany Shumate Zabrosky gets to take 4, count em FOUR kids into 1 tiny doctor's office. So if you would pray for Jesus to come back before 9 am this morning, that would be great. Thanks

.
Left the house at 8:15am
.....got on the wrong freeway
....late for (2) kids' doc appointment
...4 kids in 1 tiny doc room
...loud boys with pretend guns during hearing test
...holding down 4 year old girl for 4 shots
....1 year old falling out of chairs during 4 year old's shots
...disharmony and unkindness flowing out of 3 big kids' mouths

OH DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN I DIDN'T THINK I WAS GOING TO MAKE IT OUT ALIVE!!!!

....milkshakes undeserved but promised without a behavior clause
...1 year old screaming

Bethany Shumate Zabrosky is attempting to engage in French Fry Therapy with crappy fries and too little ketchup.

...6 year old back to schoo-wait, feed 6 year old lunch first and then back to school
....breathe because there is one less kid
...gas for the car
...4 1/2 year old nephew sobbing because of potty accident
...pull out of long line at gas station
...port-a-potty 4 1/2 year old nephew
...1 year old screaming
...port-a-potty 4 year old daughter
...gas station line again
...find pants in car for soaked nephew
...gas pump pumps more gas than desired, goodbye groceries
...1 year old screaming
...pharmacy for allergy meds
...1 year old screaming
...HOME!

...lunch for big kids
...1 year old screaming and throwing herself on the floor
...big kids go play
...1 year old screaming and kicking
...1 year old finally accepts lunch and stops screaming
...pack up nephew's bags for him to go home
...pack up bags for t-ball game
...begin t-ball laundry
...pick up 6 year old from school
...4 year old daughter melts down because she didn't get a hug from her friend at her brother's school
...pile kids into car

Bethany Shumate Zabrosky might actually go insane today.....TODAY IS THE DAY!!! Huzzah!!

...drive 30 mins to take nephew home
...1 year old screaming
...1 year old and 4 year old daughter sleep-ahhhhhhh
...drop off nephew

...head home to get t-ball laundry and prepare for first game in 2 weeks
...insert 1 million distractions here
...t-ball player can't find his hat
...grown up words almost yelled despite pre school toys being present
...t-ball game in the light rain

It's raining on the field but the crazy fog is lifting.

...daddy arrives
...t-ball done and 6 year old melts down when he doesn't receive game ball

...dinner (THE END IS IN SIGHT!)
...6 year old sent to bed 40 minutes early for disobedience
...1 year old screaming
...4 year old alternating between sweetness and not so sweetness
...playtime with 1 year old
...bedtime for 4 year old
...bedtime for 1 year old

Bethany Shumate Zabrosky fjewioh48329jdnv.

It Doesn't Matter How I Breathe

It is the night before Easter. Easter Eve?

My family is all asleep and I am up running around like a crazy woman packing for church and the after-church. Both require many specific items like hair bows, t-ball gear, change of clothes and back up food options for the picky eaters of the family.

I also had to close myself in my car for a bit to listen to my iPod. I am singing a great song for church tomorrow. It is beautiful, the lyrics are powerful and the direction of the song requires me to summon up all the air I can pull into my lungs for one really big long note. I have the rest of the song down. It's that one note that is threatening to keep me awake all night.

When I sing-especially for church-I really really want it to be perfect. The main reason for this is because when you have a well structured service, one brought together with elements that blend together perfectly with enough room for the Spirit to move but structured so that it shows its purpose, one really botched song can throw that off. So I work hard-especially on the solos.

But as I was singing and NOT holding that note like I should, I realized something:

Whether or not I can hold this note for the full 10 counts, JESUS STILL ROSE FROM THE DEAD. If I mess up tomorrow, if my asthma kicks in and I find that I am lucky to be able to sing even one quarter note: JESUS IS STILL ALIVE! If I get to church and breeze through rehearsal and forget the words during the service: JESUS DEFIED DEATH!

Tomorrow's service has been prayerfully assembled. Each seat in our Worship Center will hold a soul that God hopes to make a personal connection with on Sunday morning. I am His vessel for carrying that message no matter what my physical body can handle.

When I was first singing in church as a high schooler, I sang a song by Crystal Lewis. I had a new dress to wear, my hair was done the way I liked and when it was my turn in the service, I got up and sang. It was perfect. I got to the musical break where I had selected some scripture to be read while the track played in the background. I began to read, it was awesome! I got to one part and lost my place. It was like the words of the page just FELL OFF and were heading out the door to beat the Methodists to all the good lunch places! The scripture was telling about the miracle Jesus performed on the man who was lowered through the roof to get close to Jesus. As I read and tried to catch myself up, I remember I said, "the guy" instead of "the man." THE GUY? Why not "the dude" or "that one" or just grunting and squealing like a pig instead of saying "the guy?" I. was. mortified.

I finished the song, survived the rest of the service and I cried the whole way home. Later that week, I got a card in the mail from a dear friend's mom. She told me how much she loved my song on Sunday. How God touched her through the words I sang and thanked me for sharing. Look at that! God still can work powerfully in our lives even when our human-ness attempts to get in the way of the message!

I am thankful tonight that it wasn't my job to get Jesus out of the grave. Because if you know me, you know I sometimes flake out on things. I will forget, be late or show up on the wrong day. And if that had happened, well, our end would not be a happy one. Jesus didn't need us to raise Him. Yes, our sin put Him there. But it was by His choice. And it is because He is perfect that He rose again.

Tomorrow, Easter Sunday, when I prepare to sing, I am going to remember that God doesn't need my perfection to make the Easter Sunday at Vista Grande Community Church the Most Powerful Church Service of All Time Known To Man! He needs my obedience to sing the song I am meant to sing. He needs me to offer Him my "first fruits" and deliver the very best performance I humanly can. He needs me to reflect Him with my words and praise.

And that is something I will NOT be late for.

Holy holy holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was and is and is to come.
With all creation I sing
Praise to the King of Kings!
You are my everything
And I will adore you.
-Revelation Song by Jennie Lee Riddle
sung by Kari Jobe (And me!)

Description: Fluffy, Sticky and Covered in Sugar

Dear Nathan, Nicholas, and Lucy,

You may notice this year that your Easter baskets are....um.....missing something this year. You have always had some form of Peeps in your Easter Baskets and, well, they just aren't there this year.

It's because a bird FLEW INTO THE HOUSE and opened the pantry and moved the spagetti sauce aside to open the tied bag of Easter candy and took ONLY the Peeps and then flew out! The whole time calling out, "Peeps! Peeps! Peeps!"

Wait...I have something better.

A pack of wild dogs came as me as soon as I opened the back of the car and they ripped open the bags from Target and TOOK ALL THE PEEPS! It was terrible and I barely escaped with my life.

Hang on-I've got more.

It was like a FORCE FIELD made all the mags magically float out of the shopping bags and into my mouth.
Dang it. I gave it away.

I'll make it up to you. Look for an abundance of Easter colored Whoppers. Just as good as Peeps. And they don't silently call out to the wildlife of San Diego to seek and consume.

Sun Kissed

As a photographer, there is a lot to know about cameras, lenses, aperture, ISO and timing. Intimate knowledge of these details is important when getting the perfect shot.

And then sometimes, you just get lucky and get the perfect shot.

I'm Being Watched.

Someone in my family is hilarious. This is what greeted me this morning in the downstairs bathroom.

The Break Up

Dear Saran Wrap,

Dude! What is going ON? Have you forgotten who you ARE?

You run with a crowd of illustrious brand names! Like Band-Aid to adhesive bandages, Coke to Cola, Keds to canvas white tennis shoes with no arch support, you are this to the world of plastic wrap. Kleenex has nothing on you in their facial tissue catagory. Ziploc only wishes it had the hold on plastic resealable sandwich bags like you have in the family of cling wrap.

I have an expectation of epic greatness when I go to use you. The heavens should open up when I pull the cardboard tab to open your brand new box and angels should sing about your amazing ability to create an airtight seal on whatever you touch.

Instead, what do I get? I get a blade on your box that can't cut you. (You are PLASTIC WRAP, not Kevlar Wrap! Kevlar-another great brand name for fabric that renders your body bulletproof.) I have you balling up into yourself and barely clinging at all! I am trying to wrap a homemade lasagna using my own specialized combination of plastic wrap and alluminum foil. (There really isn't a brand name associated with aluminum foil and do you know why? Because aluminum is just too much fun to say.) You are not making this possible Saran Wrap!

I hate to say this but I am breaking up with you and going back to my childhood sweetheart: Glad Cling Wrap. I took years of faithfulness and tossed them aside for your fancy Brand Name. I can only hope that Glad will take me back. I might have to buy 5 rolls to show my renewed committment but it will be worth it.

I'm sorry it had to come to this, Saran Wrap. I have needs you cannot fulfill. Maybe you should take some time and just focus on yourself before you enter another relationship. I really do wish you the best.

Sincerely,

Bethany Zabrosky