Wednesday, July 08, 2009

The One Where You, the Reader, Wonders if You Should Click on the Words "Dead Rat"

Wow guys, you should be amazed that I am even ALIVE after this holiday weekend!
(What's that? It's Wednesday already? Shhhhh.)

Okay, its the morning. Mommy is in sweats and tank top, kids are in jammies and Mommy needs her tea.
Insert the "Beauty of the Starbucks Drive Thru" Song here. (It's a song. I sing it almost twice a week.)
We climb in the car, as is, and get Mommy her fix.

While on the way, Nathan tells a story about how he saw a dead rat hanging on a neighbors fence.
What?! He must be mistaken.
Mommy tells him-for a good 10 minutes-how that is next to impossible. How she is not saying he's lying, just mistaken. The only time he'd see something like that would be if it was Halloween and it was a fake rat.

Later in the day, Mommy runs to the store and takes Nate the Great with her. A nice time is had by all and on the way home, Nathan reminds Mommy of the rat. Confident he is seeing something like a jacket or robe hanging on the neighbor's fence, she pulls the car around and sees.........A DEAD RAT.

WHAAAT?! He's dead. He's (all rat's are "he's") kind of hanging half over the fence and it's kind of confusing how he's still hanging on so tightly even though he's totally dead. Not mostly dead.

Calls are placed to the hubs who is concerned till he finds out the fence is across the street from his own home. Calls are placed to the city of Poway who calls back and says they'll come get it but they're gonna charge for it. Calls are placed to the Home Owners Association who sound concerned but clearly are already lounging by the pool for the holiday weekend and can't be bothered to clean up a rotting and possibly rabid animal. (All rats are "he's" and all dead ones most assuredly have rabies.)

A day passes. It's still there.
Another day passes, still there.

Mommy picks up Aunt Kristy ("Dun dun dun duuuunnnnn!!" Aunts always need their own superhero theme music) and even though it's nighttime, she drives her over to peek and see if the rat is still there. Mommy regrets not filming the reaction Aunt Kristy had when she finally saw the rat. Mommy and Aunt Kristy ("Dun dun dun duuuunnnnn!!") drive around the block a few times before parking since the neighbors living near the Dead Rat SAW Aunt Kristy looking at the Dead Rat.

Another day passes.
It is now July 4th and Mommy wonders if she should make Viewing the Dead Rat a part of her 4th of July celebration.
But she would not have to because AUNT KRISTY HAD OTHER PLANS (""Dun dun dun duuuunnnnn!!")

Aunt Kristy was appalled at the presence of The Dead Rat. And she had HAD. ENOUGH.
When Mommy picked her up on the Day of Independence, Aunt Kristy announced, "The Dead Rat will be no more."

Mommy was in awe.

And when Mommy and Aunt Kristy got home, Aunt Kristy ("Dun dun dun duuuunnnnn!!") got a plastic bag and marched across the street.

"She's really going to go get the Dead Rat." Mommy told Daddy.
"Good for her." Daddy told Mommy.
"You aren't going out there to do it instead?"

Mommy heard the Aunt Kristy Theme Song playing loudly and boldly as Aunt Kristy crossed the street with the empty grocery bag. She marched right up to the Dead Rat, grabbed it using the bag as a glove and tied the bag up lickety-split.

"Ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh!!" Mommy exclaimed as Aunt Kristy ("Dun dun dun duuuunnnnn!!") displayed such an act of bravery and triumphantly returned and deposited the Dead Rat in the community trashcan.

"Okay, you are completely AWESOME!" Mommy proclaimed and she continued to prepare for her 4th of July, Independence Day Celebration that had now also turned into a The Dead Rat is Gone Celebration.

Aunt Kristy ("Dun dun dun duuuunnnnn!!") saved me! Aren't you guys glad?
And THEN, when I was taking her home the next day, there was a bee in my car and she captured and released it all while I watched in awe, eating my frozen yogurt.


  1. Wow! I always knew Aunt Kristy was a Superhero, but now there is proof!
    Go Kristy!!

  2. Death to the Dead Rat....that's quite a saga!!!

  3. "Here she comes to save the dayyyyyy, Brave Aunt Kristy's on her wayyyyyy..." That could be her theme song. Think it's to the tune of the Mighty Mouse theme song.

    Okay, now I'm click on the words "Dead Rat" or not...I'm so curious, but already dry heaving at the thought...

  4. I had the same thought... do I click it? will I regret it?.....................................................................Ok, here I go...

  5. OH. MY. GOSH. That is the biggest monstrosity of a thing I have ever seen. DISGUSTING!!! Now I have even MORE respect for SuperAunt.

  6. Yikes-and humble too since this is THE FIRST I heard about it! Gotta see is she can still get into the Wonder Woman Underoos!

  7. ...they call me Aunt Kristy "the brave". :) Thanks for the ego boost!!

  8. okay the DEAD RAT was so GROSS. . .but it made me laugh . . love ness

  9. I think Aunt Kristy (dun dun dunnnnnnnn!!!!) might be MY new hero!!!

    P.S. The dead rat has a HUGE resemblance to an R.O.U.S., dontcha think? The protruding teeth, matted fur and all? It looks THAT fake! How creepy... and weird! :oP

  10. This was a good one, hooray for Aunt Kristy!

  11. Okay, but here's my question: How did he get dead up there? Was he climbing the fence and suddenly die of a heart attack mid-climb? Or was he jumping through the air when his lungs suddenly collapsed, causing him to be dead where he landed? Or, (and I think this is more likely) did someone know he was dead, and PUT HIM UP THERE?? Why, why, why?

    And I definitely agree that Kristy was a hero. A SUPERhero. I should lend her my supergirl socks as they greatly enhance the wardrobe of any superhero. :)

  12. Wow, we all could use a little Aunt Kristy in our lives. Does she clean up cat hairballs? Because those are really gross, and my husband usually mistakes it as poop, ie, no one wants to touch it.

    And that rat was dis.gus.ting.

  13. Kristy, your hero!!!
    A dead rat is SOOOO GROSSS!!!!

  14. Woooooah!

    That rat is insane!!! How the heck?

  15. That made my day, what a great story, I can see the cute cartoon pics of it in the best selling childrens book now!!!

  16. I really hope Aunt Kristy is your older sister and NOT your baby sister.