Saturday, December 13, 2008

This Blog Features the King of the Key Change

I am back from vacation!

It was a memorable trip filled with high temperatures, different food choices, looooots of sleep and I think my skin may even look a teeny bit different.

Let me tell you, dear readers, if breaking out in hives and fever ranging from 101-103 degrees is your idea of a vacation then may I recommend: This Year's Flu! And this isn't just any flu! This is the flu that LAUGHS at your silly Flu Shot! It curses at your Airborne! It spits in the face of all you handwashers which then only makes you want to wash your hands even MORE! MWAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

This flu got David out of work to take care of his wife who was possibly going to melt into a puddle of Bethany right there on his 10+ year old couch. This flu got Ella a Mama that barely moved when she cried. This flu got Nathan a mom that let him watch TV and play video games as long as he was quiet. And this flu got Lucy.....well, her own version of the flu.

It seems this flu only benefited Nathan, really.

My vacation didn't leave me wanting for a souvenir, either! While I do have the hives-or double set since I broke out last night and then again tonight-I also have the awesome souvenir of ringing in the ears! If you have never had ringing in your ears, I will describe it to you as this... Take a million angelic soprano voices hitting their highest possible notes and then spread a few more of them out over octaves just for dramatic fullness of sound. Then imagine the intensity at which they sing matching only that one moment that every mother has when her kids are yelling for juice and she's curled up in the fetal position on the kitchen floor and then stuff that entire effect in both ears.

Oh, and it never stops.

It's awesome! You must get the flu!

Tonight, as my first night if feeling even slightly human and finding my body at a normal temperature, I am also finding myself not asleep. I was lying in bed trying to figure out if the tones I was hearing are actual harmonies, or if there was any modulation depending on if I moved or not and curious if my piano player on Sunday could help me because I might just be hitting a perfect middle C with my ears. I got the totally awesome idea of popping my iPod on and at least falling asleep to something and then once I was asleep, I wouldn't care how many angels were screaming at me-I'd be asleep!

After giving this brilliant idea a try, I am here to offer only a few suggestions....and only a few because I am still not asleep and I am, instead, writing to all of you.

BEFORE putting your ear buds in, decide if you will be sleeping on your back or your tummy. If you are a tummy sleeper, don't attempt to sleep on your back all of a sudden when you know you've been sleeping on your tummy forever. You have to pick one because if you flip over to the other side, guess what's going to "flip" with you? And then might "flip" on your husband's head who then might "flip" out because he was just beaned on the head with an iPod at 2:30 in the morning?

Then, once you are laying in the correct position, you may now place your ear buds in your ears. Here is the part where you might feel cocky and brilliant and think you are a genius for thinking this up and-ouch. An ear bud fell out of your ear and is now impressing some sort of cave into the side of your skull. This can't be good. Maybe it will have fixed the ear ringing?


Finally, when you decide that maybe only one ear bud is a good idea, be sure to pick the right music. For this time of year, I could see some light Christmas carols being appropriate. Of course classical always works. I am a big fan of Prokofiev's Peter & the Wolf. I will suggest that a musical such as "Hairspray" is a poor selection since the music will get you moving, the social awareness will make you too aware to sleep and, well, if you did manage to fall asleep, you might dream of Zac Efron. Wait, that last part might not be so bad.

After you do all 3 of these things, you may or may not have found a great way to fall asleep. Or maybe you too will end up with bags under your eyes to match the 2 layers of hives and great blog material.

(This is good blog material?!)


  1. Wow. I think I've only been that sick once in my life and I was in bed for a week. But I was in college, so I didn't have anyone yelling at me for juice. Oh, that must be the most horrible state to be in: Sick Mom. No relief. Although last time Scott was that sick I think he lost 20 sometimes there's an upside. Glad you're feeling better.

  2. I am sooooo very glad to hear that your on the upside of this nasty flu. It must have been the snickerdoodles that gave you the nourishment you so desperately needed! :)

  3. O.o
    I am sorry you have not been
    feeling well... hope you recover fully in the VERY near future

  4. you are hilarious. You should try out for the Mommy Comedian they host on The View every year. Well, it was only once I saw it, I presume they have it every year. You're a show in :)

    Glad you're feeling better, dear :)

  5. A colleague once described influenza as making a healthy person feel like they're dying. Sounds like you had the same level experience she did. I hope you're feeling better, slowly but surely!

  6. I am so glad you are feeling better.
    Last time I was that sick I was also unknowingly barely pregnant with Spencer, like hours pregnant when it baby, have some Nyquil!

    He seems fine though....right?

  7. Oh wow, after reading that great description of singing angels and I think I hear them too! I'm glad this is an older blog and that you are not feeling this way any more.