The Follow Up....

I needed to resolve the looming question surrounding the Halloween Costume Decision wherein my very own child seemed to question the cool factor of one Han Solo.

The good news is that he was convinced to give the costume a go. It was easy to shop for and involved buying him clothes that he can totally wear in the Non Han Solo part of his life. His vest was just cut from a tee shirt that was 2 sizes too big. It was perfect. For his blaster, we already had a gun that we didn't even have to paint black and his "utility belt" was an over sized belt with various boxes of different shapes and sizes taped over with black duct tape. I wish I had grabbed some better photos of his costume but the day just didn't allow it.

Confession: My heart actually swooned a little when I would look at my cutie pie Han Solo.



Lucy was "Trixie the Halloween Fairy" and was also fairly easy to assemble. We took an XXL Men's tee and cut it up into a dress. My neighbor came over and helped me cinch it in the back to fit in the waist and we tied leftover pieces of Nate's tee we'd used for his vest to belt it all up. We didn't have tights to match the tee so we went with black and grey knee highs and orange wings from the 99 Cent store. The hair...how crazy is the hair?! We wanted a short brown wig and found it ironic to be covering up the hairstyle people are looking to find in a wig (super long, super blonde) with the hairstyle many people already have. We settled on a black wig based on price and the fact that it would make a more dramatic statement. I love how different she looked-it was awesome.

Ella was a simple butterfly. She was pleased and kept her wings on all night. Her one demand was that her hair have glitter. That was a simple accomodation although the glitter hair spray doesn't really contrast well to a head of bright blonde hair. But she was a happy girl who scored lots of candy and remembered her "thank yous" and tolerated actual people speaking words to her face. (She isn't the most social of children.)

And I cannot end this post without sharing MY costume! The pink wig was purchased last year and I just love it so much that I will probably always wear it at least once a year. But this year, I got to wear a tee that was too much fun to pass up. My friend found it online here. It was fun seeing people smile and see my shirt and then realize just what they were looking at. And for maximum effect, I wore a pair of pants that help me look super duper pregnant.



We ended our evening with the usual "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" but watched it in the front yard with our neighbors projecting it on their fence. It was part of their yard set up and they played it on repeat all night but started it all over just for their favorite Zablets.

Get in Line, Kiddos

Sometimes you go out with a few of your friends and you get a text toward the end of your meal from your husband.

It might contain the message "Lucy wrote you a note."
And it might also have a picture to go with it......

"Beware of the stinky...!! Daddy!! p.s. he tooted on nate's face turn over"

And then when you get home, you might flip the note over and see the other side.

"and also did it on me! tell him not to! Love Lucy!! to mom"

The next morning, when the note's authors are asking if you read the note you might just have to confess....

"I have been trying to get him to stop that ever since we got married."
And your kids will laugh.








(And then you will not believe that you just posted an entire blog about tooting.)

The Queen Was Unsurpassed in Grace and Beauty

This series represents about 30 minutes of my Friday Night. It began with Ella placing a crown on my head and informing me that I was the queen (although that s part of any Friday night) and then telling me she was going to tell me a story. She sat down criss-cross applesauce and began the story.

It started with the basic plot from "Tangled" and focused mainly around the death of Mother Gothel. Suddenly there was a MONSTER and then PIRATES and HAND GESTURES! NUMEROUS HAND GESTURES!

Eventually, she slowed down the story and got a pencil. She was taking more notes in her notebook and while I was prepared for more story, she got up and left. Just like that.

Confession: The story was better than some episodes of "Friends."

But Only Milk Chocolate....Keep That Dark Stuff to Yourself

You may or may not know how much I adore holiday candy. However, the only Holiday Candy that I really super love is Easter Candy. Mostly because of the Cadbury Goodness Celebration of Jesus's Resurrection (I am VERY sure the two are related.) Christmas Holiday Candy really doesn't do it for me.

I mean, I will always happily enjoy the red and green wrapped Hershey Kisses with a festive smile and all but Christmas really is more about the baked goods and who can bring me the very best home made fudge. (Message me for a mailing address.)

However, there is one Christmas Holiday Candy that I really do need to feel like we have entered the Holiday Season. It's like the Red Cup of the candy aisle......

They are the taste of "Thanksgiving-Christmas-Shopping-Church-Coats too Warm For So Cal-Wrapping Presents-Dragged to your Grandmother's House" to me. And I threw my grandmother in there because SHE is the one who always had them. (I have spoken of her before.)

My sister and I ADORE them and even once when she lived far away from me, I asked someone to purchase some for her so she could usher the season in properly. It's one of those little things that just brings a nice smile to the face.

The Zablets don't love them.

Except for Lucy because she loves everything. E V E R Y T H I N G .

Confession, Part One: When I opted to add only 1 (ONE!) of these yummy treats to my breakfast menu, something happened and I suddenly found myself dying in my kitchen. Seriously dying! Choking! Gasping for breath! For, like, a little longer than I would really prefer.

Confession, Part Two: The above experience did not keep me from having another one at lunch. Or, possibly, FOR lunch.

Short, Sweet and Distracted.....

Confession: I sometimes lose myself in a book so deeply, that I forget there are actual living, breathing people in the world.

Right now, I am in one of those....sort of.
It is by Mindy Kaling who plays Kelly Kapoor on "The Office" and she is stinking hysterical.
It isn't the best book I have ever read, it just happens to be exactly what I need right at this very moment.

Soooooo, I'm gonna go read now.

Sing It!

Today at Price Club, while carting my haul (2 sets of flannel sheets for kiddos, the best tortillas ever, a Lego Star Wars book for Nate for Christmas from Auntie Shell, tonight's dinner and a TON of toilet paper for the house that was down to 1 roll that was literally being walked up and down the stairs from bathroom to bathroom) to the car, I heard the singing. But where was it coming from?

"So glad we've almost made it,
So sad they had to fade it,
Everybody wants to rule the world."

I look behind me and realize the music and additional member of Tears For Fears was originating from the Tire Center Bay. The Price Club Tire Guys had the 80's Music station on and they were liking it big time.

And, I won't miss the chance to confess that I loaded up my car just a little slower so I could listen to the jam session.

No Priest Necessary

So I am going to NaBloPoMo it up the month of November which means that I simply will be dumping the contents of my brain in written form right in this here Internet page. (If you have EVER even CONSIDERED writing a blog, you should join me in this!! You can still sign up right here!)

I have decided that this month we will be sharing the occasional confession. And by "we," I mean "me." And by "share," I mean "force upon you to read." And by "confession," I mean, well, "confession."

Confession Number Uno:

Lately I have been walking a fairly rebellious line and NOT PUTTING ON MY SEAT BELT TILL I AM ACTUALLY DRIVING.

(I didn't say the confessions would be interesting or tantalizing.)

I don't really know when this happened but suddenly, I find that I will be all the way out at the stop sign by my house before I put it on or pulling out of the driveway of the store I was in and then I "click." And it isn't like I am forgetful, no, this is a CHOICE. And when I am driving, sometimes at the breakneck speed of 8 miles per hour, I feel......BAD. Like Arthur Fonzarelli bad. Somewhere between walking late into class on purpose and stealing an extra milk carton in the cafeteria line bad.

I cannot figure out where this terribly rebellious streak came from. I was never a kid that broke the rules a whole lot. I mean, one time, I stayed out past curfew, sneaked* back in the house and made my sister promise to not tell our folks because I was over at a friends house PLAYING SCATTERGORIES. And no, that is not a metaphor for something like mixing Jolt Cola and Pop Rocks in the parking lot behind the school. I am talking about the Board Game. And I probably won.

For now, I am just allowing this little indulgence. We will see how far I take it. I know, I know, it isn't safe to skip the seat belt and I am sure that I could match your seat belt horror story with the one I always tell my kids about the boy in my second grade class at Mark Twain Elementary who was thrown out of the window of his parents' van when he wasn't wearing his seat belt and came back to school weeks and weeks later with a different face. I don't think I will need an intervention and viewing of multiple episodes of Red Asphalt.** Just allow me this little rebellion for the time being and eventually I will move on to something else. Like not returning my shopping cart or not wiping down the exercise machine after I use it. (Oh who am I kidding, I don't sweat! Or exercise!)

Besides, this is a safe place, right? And confession is good for the blog.

*= Spellcheck didn't appreciate my use of the word "snuck" and yet I was so sure that I had not misspelled it so I looked it up and found this shocking history of the use of the word "snuck!"

**= Did you know they were still making sequels to this movie even in 2006?!

We're Fine. We're All Fine Here Now, Thank You. How Are You?

I am in the middle of a discussion with my procrastinating 8 year old about his Halloween Costume.
(I totally allowed it since his Costume Designing Mother (CDM) is a procrastinator too.)
We have suspended the conversation so he could go downstairs and get ready for school...and possibly so the CDM could cool down.

See Nate had the awesome idea of being the Pied Piper about 2 months ago. It came because he was learning to play the recorder at school and since the CDM (or the DWHBLOHSFESRSM in this part of the story.... the Doesn't Want Her Brains Leaking Out of Her Skull From the Ear Splitting Recorder Sounds Mother) wouldn't allow him to play the recorder in the house as much as he wanted, he brilliantly thought of the Halloween Loophole.

CDM jumped on the idea! It was so creative, so fun to make! AND, how about we get rats and mice that we tie to fishing twine and they follow the Pied Piper Nate around! Brilliant!

But then Nate changed his mind. "What if people don't know what it is?" "What if people laugh at me?" We were off on a new costume hunt.

But then we got distracted and forgot or didn't have good ideas. Now it is Friday before Halloween and today is THE LAST DAY that CDM will be shopping for Halloween Costume Pieces.

Then it hits her: Han Solo! Nathan would make a GREAT Han Solo! He's got the scruffy hair ("Whos 'scruffy-lookin?'") and the costume requires things CDM can easily pick up at Target. Winner winner Chicken Dinner!

We discuss it, he is intrigued. Then he asks about Luke Skywalker, could he be Luke? What about Qui Gon Jinn? We Google Images some costumes and he sees that even the Amazing CDM can't pull that off with only a few hours to go. And CDM asks,

"What's wrong with being HAN SOLO?"

And Nathan answers....

"Eh......."

Did he just "Eh" HAN SOLO?!

CDM is trying to hold herself together.

He stands up and goes downstairs to eat his breakfast and I call out after him, "Don't you know that Han Solo is the COOLEST?!"

No response from the 8 year old who clearly hit his head and is suffering from a concussion or something mind altering.

"Can YOU make the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs?!"

By then I think he was downstairs.




You know, he might not like Slurpees (seriously?) or any drink with carbonation (I mean, c'mon!) but I don't know if I can allow this Han Solo Complacency to remain unchecked in my home. It might turn into an epidemic.

The Incredible Spreadable

You know how standing in your garage with the door closed feels like you are in a secure and insulated room in your own house? And then, after needing to raise your voice and use very strong and stern words with a certain 3 year old tyrant, you remember that being in the garage is almost like being outside and that anyone standing near your garage got to hear you have to carry a kicking and screaming 3 year old out to the car so you would get the big kids to school on time?

Might I also add to the scenario that as soon as you open your garage door and pull your car out, you see 2 of your nearest neighbors. One is loading up their own child to go to school and one, while collecting his mail, gives you a VERY knowing smile and wave that only confirms that he heard EVERYTHING.

The 3 year old might attempt to scream during the drive and that is when you repossess a toy (as you said you would) since she didn't calm down. But to remove that toy, you, in your jammies, will have to get OUT of the car and exchange smiles and waves with 2 OTHER neighbors around the corner.

When you arrive home after successfully getting big kids to school and you now have a 3 year old who has very quickly adjusted her attitude because she has remembered that Mama Means Business, you will find that the only way to get past the start of your day is to butter up two extra soft and squishy Hawaiian Rolls. Which leads me to today's topic:

Things I Like to Spread on Hawaiian Rolls

Butter....always butter. I really don't like my rolls heated and I prefer the butter cold-but spreadable. I know that's a little odd but it is just how I like it.

Whipped Cream Cheese. It has to be whipped because otherwise it will tear the roll. I am not usually a fan of whipped cream cheese except for dumping into Neighbor Salsa but the sweet of the roll and the tang of the cream cheese just work together.

Avocado....with turkey. (I know, you can't spread turkey but the Avocado is the more important of those two items.)

Homemade sliders with cheeeeeese.

Honey with a little butter. If you do have to warm the roll, a little melted butter with a little honey is nice. Don't over honey the roll like you can for a piece of sourdough toast.


I guess, after the morning I had this morning, I should add one more thing...

MY PRIDE.

Brain Dump

It's the official end of the week (although I have a calender that puts Sunday as the last day of the week and, frankly, that is how my brain works best) and I am left with the odds and ends of my brain that I am deciding to share with you. Get Excited, here it comes!

1. I found my label maker. Did you know it was lost? I didn't! Until I went to look for it....and found it was LOST! Nate found it, actually. And then went ahead and labeled what I was hoping to label. Now I don't have anything to label. Quick! Give me something to label!

2. Cleaning out my "Drafts" e-mail box and found a Nate-ism. Said in all seriousness: "When I am a teenager, I am going to pay attention to commercials so I can know what the best supplies are that I might need for my life. Like OxyClean. I know I'm going to need that."

3. I ordered a comedy with Kristin Wiig and Netflix sent a war movie with Matt Damon. I suspect he won't be doing any of his jokes from "Ocean's Eleven" tonight.

4. Speaking of Matt Damon, "The Adjustment Bureau" anyone?! Amazing!

4a. (No extra charge!) Does he ever wish his acting name was "Matthew Damon" instead of the more casual "Matt?"

5. I'm rolling with the movie star talk and telling you all that Brad Pitt was in my dream last night. We ran a business (along with my husband) where we pretended to fix people's homes or something like that. He was nice, despite being dishonest.

6. Phooey. I totally had a question for you guys and it went right out of my head while I was trying to phrase the Brad Pitt thing correctly. My brain is so fuzzy. I guess that leads me to my 7th point...

7. I haven't "officially" told you blog readers that we are expecting another sweet baby Zab. Most of you are Facebook Friends so you already know but I really do like saying it, especially to you readers who have followed through one of the hardest moments of our lives and stuck with us. There will be more on all the feelings and thoughts another time but for now, know that we are almost 17 weeks and due at the end of February. The 28th.

8. If I can manage to have the baby on the 29th, do you think that kid will like being a Leap Year Kid?

9. Caught Lucy, as she finished making her turkey and mustard sandwich, wiping the knife off to put back in the clean utensil drawer. It made me think how I wish I had 2 kitchens: 1 they get to use and 1 they aren't allowed to enter.

10. We have been working on teaching and fostering kindness lately. While getting ready to pick the big kids up from school, Ella packed her pre-school bucket (and favorite accessory) full of toys to take with her. I told her that she could bring the bucket in the car but perhaps she should only bring a few toys with her into the school because her bucket was getting heavy.

"I don't mind," she tells me.

"Okay then. But you will be carrying your bucket the whole time. If it gets too heavy, I am not going to carry it for you."

She looks at me square in the eyes and says very simply, "Mommy. That isn't being kind."
Uhhhhhhh.......

First Day of School! First Day of School!

This is the face of the little girl who was very sure she wasn't going to make any friends....



....despite the fact that there were little girls risking getting in trouble to call out her name, step out of line and give her a hug.



This is the face of the boy who will break down his nervous and excited amounts by percent.....



....despite the fact that he walked right up the stairs to his classroom without even a look back at Mommy.



This is what a Third Grader and a First Grader look like.....



....despite the fact that I have VERY CLEARLY instructed them that they are NOT allowed to grow up.



And THIS is the face of the three year old who will be starting pre-school soon and who MIGHT have been forgotten and accidentally locked in the car until another MOM at the school turned before everyone crossed the street and asked, "Where's Ella?"



Thankfully, that face is very forgiving. "Why did you leave me in the car?" she asked while in her seat, playing with her toys.

Mommy, Daddy, Ella the (This-Was-The-First-Time-Ever-I-Swear) Forgotten joined Uncle Andy and Auntie Shell in our First Day of School Tradition: Pancakes and Bacon. Now, we are all ready for a nap.

Will someone remind me to wake up before 2:20??

Why Did I Want to Be a Grown Up?

Standing in my kitchen preparing my "famous baked potato and Diet Coke" while nursing a wicked allergy migraine. Hubby is gone for the night, kids are in bed, it is finally my turn for dinner.
I stop to think, "Man, I wish I had a chef who would prepare this for me."

I look around my living room as I sink into the couch next to a pile of laundry.
"Too bad I don't have a maid to hang all this up and put it away."

After eating, hanging laundry and clearing my own dishes, I flip through my Daytimer and see the list of appointments I have to make in the next few weeks.
"Isn't there a personal assistant I can hire to do all of this for me?"

That's when it hits me.
I don't want a chef, maid or personal assistant......
I WANT MY MOM!

Sampson

I have wonderful people who are willing to not only watch my kids but they also tell me the funny things they say when I come home. Our wonderful neighbor Kim had the following to report recently.....

Kim: Nate, your hair is getting so long! It's time to get it cut!

Nate: *gasps* I can't cut my hair!

Kim: Why not?

Nate: (with a straight face) Because...........it's part of my CHARACTER!

Who's in Charge Around Here?

My brain flipped out and decided to obsess over something (of no importance) so much that it did not allow for any sleep and my body is begging me to go back to bed.

My daytimer tells me that I have a playdate in 30 minutes and my checkbook says we can do it if I print out a coupon. (My printer just whispered a secret that I have no ink.)

My stomach is telling me that I want a Denny's sized breakfast but my clock is telling me we have no time.

My kids-unaware of the playdate-are telling me they want to stay home and play Wii and their actions and faces are telling me they want to be locked in their rooms till they emerge respectful and kind.



I don't feel that I am in control of any part of my day today.

very very very.

Some days are amazing. Everything is going your way!

You get your favorite yogurt for breakfast.

Your brother lets you choose the TV show in the morning.

Your sister doesn't pee on any of your belongings.

Lost library book? Found!

Very best dolls? Ready for you to play!

Bubbles! Rainbows! Ponies! Hearts!

And then.....you have days like this

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What You Get if You Chat With Me....

missthany: man, that taco I made was sooo good

KristyBlais: oh yay!

missthany: lots of cheese and lots of fresh avocado with salt

KristyBlais: ooooh wow

missthany: and there was some meat in there too i think

KristyBlais: hahaha

KristyBlais: good, just for flavoring, right?

missthany: yeah. Next time, I will just get a meat flavored seasoning-it would leave more room for cheese and avocado

And, so you can feel like you got your money's worth for today's post....

This is the sort of thing that doesn't surprise you when you live in my house and try to pour your cereal:

The only conundrum is who of my 3 little wonders decided that Hiccup and the other Vikings needed to conquer the Honey Nut Cheerios?

The One With The Morning That Started With Pee

My day started with waking up to the sweet face of a sleeping 3 year old.

And then I thought, "I don't remember putting her in my bed....what sort of person doesn't remember putting a kid in bed with her?"

Then I felt the bottom of the 3 year old and it was....well......wet.

Ugh.

"What kind of person wets the bed and gets it all over themselves and doesn't wake up?!"

Then I felt my own sleep shirt and bra and it was....well......wet.

"What kind of person gets PEED ON and DOESN'T WAKE UP?!"

Good News: I got to take a shower this morning while David re-dressed the 3 year old.

He didn't do it out of pity for me. More from celebration that he missed the baptism.

During the shower, I was the recipient of a ton of knock-knock jokes, 3 year old edition. They go like this:

"Knock-knock"

"Who's there?"

"Baby Bottle!"

"Baby Bottle Who?"

"Hahahahahahaha!!"

"Knock-knock"

"....."

"Mommy, you are supposed to say "Who's there?!"

"Who's there?"

"Grummny grits."

"Grummny grits who?"

Hahahahahahahahahaha!!

"Knock-knock..."

(I think you understand.)

After the shower, I headed downstairs where my big kids were getting ready for school. Or wrestling. Or trying to convince me they were helping each other find their socks. Riiiiiight.

Z-Bars were handed out, Chocolate milk was demanded, demands were rephrased into requests and requests were rephrased into questions with kindness and everyone got their Carnation Instant Breakfast.

While braiding the beautiful mane of my Kindergardener (For Only 10 More Days Then She is a First Grader and Then I Explode), we sang.

We sang "God Bless America" where Nathan explained he was working on making his voice sound "like that. Like Justin Beiber."

"Like that" meant lots of vibrato. (You should click that.) Which Justin Beiber doesn't have. But he doesn't need to know that just yet.

We sang "This Land is Your Land" and Lucy rewrote some of the verses and really wouldn't sing them any other way. "While I was walking, along the freeway, I saw some mountains and maybe some flowers....."

The kids asked me to sing "The Star Spangled Banner" which I can do but not usually at 7am without a warm up. But we sang anyway and Lucy pretended to know all the words which meant she sang the last syllable of every word with me.

We switched back to "God Bless America" with the kids arguing whether or not to "tag" the ending and me needing to remind them that if they can't agree then there will be no singing allowed all while Ella now sings her version of "God Bless America" over the arguing.

Hop in the car, shocked we are on time, pray on the way to school for ourselves, our actions and our friends. As the big kids hop out and say "good bye" to Ella and discuss with each other if Nathan will walk Lucy to class or not, I sigh.

It really is a nice life.

In the Following Document, the Word "Cheese" is Used 9 Times

I just made the most kick tail grilled cheese sandwich.
Sourdough bread, lots of cheddar and cut diagonally, of course, because that is the only way to eat a grilled cheese.

Unless you are one of my kids. Then I slice your sandwich the way you demand and mutter how you are "a butcher of cheese-tastic proportions" under my breath.

While I was making that perfect grilled cheese-wait, it wasn't perfect because there was only 1 kind of cheese. It was just a really awesome sandwich. Okay, back to the story..... while I was making that totally awesome grilled cheese sandwich, I got the dishwasher unloaded. And while the sandwich "rested" (you should treat your cheese as you treat a fine cut of beef. You just should.) I was able to LOAD the dishwasher which made me love that cheese that had been grilled even more and then led me to this realization...

A weekend that ends with all the bowls and spoons in the dishwasher is a good weekend.

All good things come in bowls! Ice cream! Soup! Cereal! Soup with cheese on it! Cereal in the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!
Sometimes I put my dinner in a bowl just to make it taste yummier and it works! Trust me on this one, for reals.

Speaking of food, I ran across this foodies blog and THIS exchange she had with her Mister over making school lunches. It also led to my new favorite quote:

"Life has crust!"

I have started using it as my declaration when the kids say that something isn't fair. Of course, I used it before really explaining it to them so there was some degree of confusion but I eventually caught them up.

In life, dear Zablets, I will do my best to cut crust off of your sandwiches (although I must say, I don't mind crust when the sandwich has been cut DIAGONALLY!) and make life fair for you. But, sometimes I might forget, or someone else might make your sandwich, or I won't have the time, or I just pain forget. Know why? Because life just isn't fair. IT HAS CRUST!

Among other totally awesome things the internet has given me recently, I am happy to share this offering from the gang of MercyMe and their "Cover Tune Grab Bag!" This installment includes the talents of MercyMe, Jars Of Clay, Matt Maher, Thousand Foot Krutch, The Afters & Lecrae.



But wait, now that you are all smiley you have to see this!



And, um this too.....



And I will stop. Because you will find more. And then you will realize you have been watching them with your kids for over and hour. And you were supposed to start cooking your authentic Irish Beef Stew at least 45 minutes ago. But never fear! You just show the videos to your hubby who then also gets hooked and doesn't notice that the stew isn't ready till after 7pm. And when you hand him stew, IN A BOWL, he's doubly happy.

Oh Hello......Morning.

While I am not necessarily NOT a morning person, I am a Stays-Up-Way-Too-Late person so the mornings generally come faster than I would like. Over time I have discovered that I respond to Morning in 2 different ways.....

1. CONQUERER

"Well, it's here and I am ready. Yes, I stayed up till 3am cleaning off the DVR but at least I was cleaning. So bring it on, Morning. You've got NOTHING on me!
Strength and Honor!"

2. VICTIM

I can't BELIEVE that was all the sleeping time I got! It isn't FAIR! Why does Morning have to happen to ME?! It must HATE me for deciding to watch all 8 seasons of the Dick Van Dyke Show back to back to back last night. What does it have against a hilarious sit-com starring a lovable, lanky, talented song and dance comedy writer?!? Ohhhhhhhh Rob!!

I won't out and out say what kind of morning today was. But I will tell you that after my shower, I discovered that I dried all of my body except for my left leg.
And I didn't realize that till I was putting on my jeans.
And I almost cried about it.

Joy Despite the Sadness...Joy in the Lord...Joy in the Ella.....Joy in the Lucy....Joy in the Nathan...Joy in the Banana?

Today is March 10, 2011.

I have had today on my mind for a long time.
I planned for today.
I had hopes for today.

I was never promised that today would come, but I was pretty sure it would.

Almost 6 months ago, my view of today went from hopeful to mourning. Because almost 6 months ago, the life I had growing within me ceased. And it has forever changed my life.

Today was the day I was supposed to meet my Elijah Michael. Today, instead of being held by his father, he is being held by his Heavenly Father. He won't hear our family's lullaby from my lips, but he will hear the music of the mouths of the angels who surround him.

I don't want to spend today in sadness despite my sadness and grief. I want to spend today thankful that I had 16 weeks of life with my son. I want my thankfulness to be abundant for the faithfulness that God has shown my family through this tragedy.

But I am sad. Selfishly sad. I want him here. With me. In my arms. I want to change his diapers, I want to be awake with him in the middle of the night, I want him to seek me for comfort when he hurts himself. I want to buy him a backpack for his first day of school. I want to see the goodness he draws out of his brother and sisters who would have loved him to the point of smothering.

Instead, Eli gets to be with Jesus! In the very presence of God!
The place that I feel my heart longing for with an intensity that I cannot explain.
He will never know pain. Never know sadness. He will never feel the pain of a friend breaking his trust. The stark, sobering pain of a world covered in sin, famine, injustice, evil and hate will never be known by him. Think about the heartbreak you have for your child when they first learn about how people can betray their friendship or be mean and hurt their feelings. My boy will never know that. I am thankful for that. Thankful his heart will be spared.

So, I wasn't sure what kind of morning it would be today........
I didn't sleep well or long enough so I am tired.
And then Lucy talked to me about something she wanted to do the same night my sister and her hubby would be coming over. She came up with some sort of (impossible) creative solution so she could do BOTH things. And I-stupidly-told her that we are trying to spend as much time as we can with Aunt TeeTee and Uncle Kris because they will be moving sometime soon.

I want to go back in time and slap myself.

Lu started crying of course.
But then we had a long talk about how since no one knows the when or where, we will just do our best to make as many fun memories as we can while they are here. After a few more snuggles, we talked about deciding to be joyful and happy and we hopped in the car to go to school.

In the car, of course, my mind started wandering about the day today and I got a little "misty" around the eyes. It was-as my friend Melodie called it-the "should have beens." I should not be here, I should be in the hospital having my baby. Or, I should have 4 kids in my car right now, not 3. I could feel that I was losing control of my thoughts....they were off and running.

All of a sudden, Lu starts singing.....
"I've got the JOY JOY JOY JOY down in my heart. Down in my heart, down in my heart! I've got the JOY JOY JOY JOY down in my heart! Down in my heart to stay!"

Nathan joins in and they sing for awhile. And then they change the words to "Joy up in my head" which has them giggling like crazy. Ella was laughing too because she really hates to feel left out of things.

I asked Lucy what made her think to sing that song. It honestly isn't one we sing very often. Hardly at all, really.
She said she thought of TeeTee and how they have the same middle name of Joy and we are supposed to choose joy.

It was exactly what I needed to hear. And I was thankful right there on the spot for that little gift from God and how he was using my sweet Lucy to bless me all while helping me teach her something so important. We prayed on the way to school as we always do but asked God for help to CHOOSE JOY in our day even if we were sad. My big kids got out and I had a smile on my face. And of course cried a little because I was so thankful for the JOY.

Before making a Starbucks run, I needed to run to the grocery store. And on the way and in the store and on the way OUT of the store, Ella was singing the funniest songs. Songs about what she was doing, where we were driving and, my personal favorite, she sang about how she's a princess with a bloody nose and bloody hands. She had a BIG fall 2 days ago and does have a bloody face and hands. I am thankful she can still recognize her princess status despite the scabs.

And I was carrying her into the store she was being so cute and hilarious and it hit me like a ton of bricks:

God KNEW Eli would not make it past 16 weeks of gestation. He's known from the beginning of time.
And He gave us Ella. Ella who can "turn the world on with her smile."

He gave her to us for the very hard times we got through when she was born and He gave her to us for TODAY!
He KNEW I would need her JOY today.
He KNEW!!!

Today can be filled with joy and mourning.
And it is okay to cry and still be joyful.

Today stinks. But it is still the Day the Lord Has Made.
I WILL rejoice and be glad in it. (Psalm 118:24)

I was telling my sister all of this (to warn her that Lucy might suddenly be a little weepy around her) and I looked at the time and said, "He is so faithful to me....and it's only 9:30!! What ELSE does He have for me today??"

She replied,
"Many many good things!!!"


Amen.

One of those things happened while typing this blog......Yo Gabba Gabba was on for Ella and this song came on and the Princess with the Bloody Face and Hands who is fully outfitted in princess gown and crown insisted that I dance. And we danced. Over and over again while I tried to write this post. Joy is all around us, my friends. Even in a weird kids' show that you once really couldn't handle but has slowly grown on you and might or might not be your favorite.

Choose Joy today....