Numerous Open Letters Many Containing Heavy Rhetoric

Dear Noggin,

What are you trying to do to my kids with stuff like this? What IS this?
And why after seeing it ONCE are my kids singing to their lunch food?

C'mon Noggin, you can do better than that!

Sincerely,
Mom of Two Kids Who Sing Everything They Hear on TV, Even Obnoxious Songs About Food Happy to Be Eaten

Dear Resident Four Year Old,

What's going on with all the death and dying talk? Why have you decided that WHEN our house burns down we are moving to Texas? And why Texas?
And why did you take me so seriously when I told you that if you don't want to die as a Jedi, you just have to train really hard and now you desperately NEED a LightSaber?
You are freaking me out, kid.

Love,
Mom Who Wonders if She Showed You Star Wars Too Soon

Dear Two Year Old Curly Haired Darling,

What's with all the screaming?
Seriously. Stop it.

Love,
Mommy Who Is Slowly Going Deaf Through Sheer Will Alone

Dear Baby Cooking in My Tummy,

Forgive me.
I drank Diet Dr. Pepper.
And I loved it.
Please don't come out with an extra leg.

Love,
Your Mama Who Wonders if You Should Just Stay Put Forever So You Don't Have to Watch Freaky TV Shows About Monsters Who Have Oddly Long Arms and Visible Zippers in the Back of Their Poorly Made Costumes