Monday, November 02, 2009

Please Form a Single Line for Dead Relative Insults

A few nights ago, I shared a piece of pie with my mom, sister and stepsister. I met them at Coco's and we laughed and I drank waay too much iced tea and it is very possible our server thought we were all crazy. And then it came to be story time.

See, my stepsister wasn't around a couple of years ago the evening my mom and sister and I sat around a high table in the Marie Callendar's bar area doing much of the same thing we were doing that night. Except, we were there because my grandmother-my mom's mom-had died only a few hours before.

As soon as it happened, and the things that needed to be dealt with were complete and David came home to watch the Zablets, I met Mom and Kristy in LaMesa. They were already halfway through the entire pumpkin pie they'd ordered for the two of them. (If there is one thing we gals know, it is how to properly drown our sorrows in starchy foods and carbs.) Since I am not a pumpkin pie fan, I ordered the biggest bowl possible of Marie's potato cheese soup. (Ohhhhh soooo heavenly.)

We spent the evening laughing a little, eavesdropping on a conversation in the next booth between older 2 men and an older woman who had obviously reunited after some time and we could not tell who the woman had come with. Or if she'd come on her own and was hoping to leave with someone. But we enjoyed their very loud conversation about their good old days.

Our waitress was very sweet and when she found out why we were sitting there, she was so lovely and sympathetic and laughed at our food choices but it was the "I Hear Ya Sister" kind of laugh as if she would have pulled up an order of potato skins as soon as her shift was over.

Eventually the conversation moved on to more recent things going on in our lives. My sister's job, my mom's approaching wedding and my work at church. I was, at the time, frustrated with someone (honestly, no idea who) who was being all kinds of drama for me and whatever project I was working on. I was fed up and found myself just venting to my mom and sister. I was cooking up a great big batch of righteous indignation complete with 5 course meal and dessert. I explained how out of touch the person was with reality and how dramatic they were behaving and to drive my point home, I used a comparative analysis statement:

"I mean, it's not like their MOM JUST DIED or anything."

*blink, blink*

"I mean, er..........not 'mom died' because your mom just did die and........"

I looked around for the nearest exit, prayed for Jesus to return and attempted to drown myself in my potato soup all at the same time but I didn't need to: my mom was almost choking on her pumpkin pie with laughter.

The phrase is now a part of the family history and used whenever someone has just really stepped into it, verbally. And it, um, happens a LOT around here.

C'mon, fess up. you've done something like this too, right? Right?!?!


  1. This post so hits home with me. I love the people in my life I can just be a little sick and twisted with. My Aunt donated her body to science and my Cousin Sydney and I had the most hysterical conversation about spending Mother's day on the Steps of the University where she was at. We laughed and cried at the same time... Finding humor in a trial is a gift... Love you pal

  2. Hahahahaha Oh man, that is one of the times that I can so easily recal to my memory if I EVER need a good laugh...HA! I love you so much!!

  3. HA! I made a "your mom" joke to someone who's mother had recently passed away. In my defense, (?) I had just met the guy.
    I popped over from NaBloPoMo by the way!

  4. Yup, I have. But, your so funny and like-a-able that you can really get away with just about anything.

  5. My Grandmother, who adopted and raised me, passed away two years ago. Including me there were 7 kids (6 hers biologically and I the "seventh child" as I was always called). During her life she'd always said she never cared what we did with her when she was dead other than she wanted to be cremated, she didn't like bugs. We had to wait 3 days before she was cremated to "make sure" she was really dead and then we could "flush her down the toilet" for all she cared, or my personal favorite "put me in a Folgers can and toss me in the dumpster behind the funeral home." The day after she passed away all 7 of us schlepped into the local funeral home all puffy faced and blood shot eyed and sat down to make arraignments, yes to this, no to that and then the question of the night...what to do. No one could keep a straight face, then my Uncle Charlie, the only boy in the bunch finally said it..."do you happen to have any Folgers cans?" I thought we were all going to pee our pants and the funeral director thought we were all just insane. She ended up in one of those baggies, in one of those black boxes like they do all the ashes and we scattered her in the river where her Mother was scattered but I cannot see Folgers coffee without laughing. Nothing wakes you up, like Folgers in your cup. :)

  6. Casey, that is possibly one of the funniest things I have read all day! I love it!!