Wax On. Wax Off.

That moment when you are thinking about the happy times when you were little when it suddenly hits you:

You used to collect candle wax.

Meaning, you would break off the dried drippings of wax off your mom's candles and store them in a box.

But wait, there's more!

You also had a constant stream of dinner guests coming through your door and you would show the collection to them. As in, sit them down and tell them about each piece of wax. Every. Time.


And the fact that your parents just let you be you without telling you to put the silly box away, amazing. And my parents really are.

Love Song From a Savior

A friend shared this on my FB wall today and I share it with you partially because I know it came at the right time for me but also because I want to have it saved in a place I can get to easily.........

My Child ~
You may not know me, but I know everything about you ~ Psalm 139:1
I know when you sit down and when you rise up ~ Psalm 139:2
I am familiar with all your ways ~ Psalm 139:3
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered ~ Matthew 10:29-31
For you were made in my image ~ Genesis 1:27
In me you live and move and have your being ~ Acts 17:28
For you are my offspring ~ Acts 17:28
I knew you even before you were conceived ~ Jeremiah 1:4-5
I chose you when I planned creation ~ Ephesians 1:11-12
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book ~ Psalm 139:15-16
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live ~ Acts 17:26
You are fearfully and wonderfully made ~ Psalm 139:14
I knit you together in your mother's womb ~ Psalm 139:13
And brought you forth on the day you were born ~ Psalm 71:6
I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me ~ John 8:41-44
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love ~ 1 John 4:16
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you ~ 1 John 3:1
Simply because you are my child and I am your father ~ 1 John 3:1
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could ~ Matthew 7:11
For I am the perfect father ~ Matthew 5:48
Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand ~ James 1:17
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs ~ Matthew 6:31-33
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope ~ Jeremiah 29:11
Because I love you with an everlasting love ~ Jeremiah 31:3
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore ~ Psalm 139:17-18
And I rejoice over you with singing ~ Zephaniah 3:17
I will never stop doing good to you ~ Jeremiah 32:40
For you are my treasured possession ~ Exodus 19:5
I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul ~ Jeremiah 32:41
And I want to show you great and marvelous things ~ Jeremiah 33:3
If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me ~ Deuteronomy 4:29
Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart ~ Psalm 37:4
For it is I who gave you those desires ~ Philippians 2:13
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine ~ Ephesians 3:20
For I am your greatest encourager ~ 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles ~ 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you ~ Psalm 34:18
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart ~ Isaiah 40:11
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes ~ Revelation 21:3-4
And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth ~ Revelation 21:3-4
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus ~ John 17:23
For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed ~ John 17:26
He is the exact representation of my being ~ Hebrews 1:3
He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you ~ Romans 8:31
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins ~ 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled ~ 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you ~ 1 John 4:10
I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love ~ Romans 8:31-32
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me ~ 1 John 2:23
And nothing will ever separate you from my love again ~ Romans 8:38-39
Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen ~ Luke 15:7
I have always been Father, and will always be Father ~ Ephesians 3:14-15
My question is ~ Will you be my child? ~ John 1:12-13
I am waiting for you ~ Luke 15:11-32



Love, Your Dad, Almighty God

Heinz 57 Adventures

I am trying to figure out how to tell you the story of the time I sat down on the toilet and, for two seconds, thought I was dying because somehow a ketchup packet had gotten between the toilet lid and the toilet bowl and when I applied gluteus maximus pressure, the packet exploded red all over my legs and the cabinet of Real Simple magazines that sits across the bathroom from the toilet. (Longest blog sentence ever written?)

 I am not quite sure how to explain that it was only when I smelled the ketchup that I realized I was not mysteriously dying.

 And I am dubious that I should tell you that, before I cleaned it up, I called the kids in to see the condiment carnage.

I will tell you that my sister laughed really heard and immediately asked of she could tell her husband Kris.

And I will tell you the completely fantastic fact that upon pondering the bizarre event, it actually made a little bit of sense.

Exer-Saucing ... Again

Seven Years Ago......

Four Years Ago.....

Four Days Ago.......

Yes, We've Done This Before

Cottontail Conundrum

The more thought I put behind the programming my children and I enjoy, the more confused I become while reflecting on the outlandish circumstances in which they abide. And while we have enjoyed Max and Ruby with all 3 of the kids so far, Ella really seems to have a problem with it......

"Mommy, I don't know why Max and Ruby don't have a Mommy or Daddy......maybe their Mommy died and right before she died she said, 'Ruby, take care of Max.' But Max doesn't obey very well."

Anyone else have a better Max and Ruby theory? Because Ella and I are about ready to call Bunny CPS.

Gold Doubloons for Christmas

"'Yo Ho Ho! I'm Santa, I have a big tummy because I ate a lot of cookies!'"

"Ella, Santa says 'Ho ho ho.' A pirate says 'Yo ho ho.'"

"Oh.................................. 'Yo ho ho! I'm Santa and I am dressed up as a pirate!'"



Don't mess with the girl's imagination. It can turn on a dime.
                     

The Chronicled Thoughts of 2am

-I have read all of the opinions on Facebook, both pro and con, and I have decided that 2013 is going to be the year of the Intentional Oxford Comma. Meaning, I will intentionally be using the Oxford comma in things like lists, blogs, and letters despite my general dislike of it due to the cluttered appearance it gives my sentences, posts and correspondence. (See what I did there?)

-13 Days till school starts and I feel that I still owe my kiddos a summer. Only one trip to the beach and very few nights ended with sun kissed Zabs collapsed in exhaustion on my couch. We also haven't camped in the backyard yet. I have 13 days to fix this.

-The Olympics are trying to kill me. I can't stay up watching all of the evening broadcast every night and yet when I turn on last night's recorded program, I want more and watch some of the current night's programming. (Does that even make sense?) And yet, I still feel like I am missing out on events! Like the equestrian stuff! And how in the world does someone get hurt in the "foil" events? Are they using real swords? And did you know men play field hockey? Or have you turned on a Handball game? Nathan and I were really disappointed it wasn't schoolyard handball. We were looking for the Olympic version of "Butt's Up" or "Donkey Kong" and some awesome Red Rubber Ball action.

-If you are watching the Olympics, are you a USA only watcher? David and I like it all but Nate and Lu are split with one interested only in his mother country and the other concerned that all countries get equal and fair attention from her. After all, they work so hard to get there!

- There is a skunk outside my bedroom window. Seeing how it is 2am and dark, I will leave it to your deductive reasoning skills to solve how I became aware of the skunk. Get all CSI up in this place.

- Ever met someone and thought about how they might Google you and you think about how you want your life to look all cool if they find you on Facebook so you set your coolest looking pictures and funniest status updates to "Public" so they will, upon viewing your timeline, be filled with an overwhelming desire to be your friend?

-Ever thought you should take your Pop's advice and voice only every other thought that comes into your head so you don't look like you are totally insane?

-How much are one's 2am thoughts worth? About 20 cents. Which is close to the Olympic medal street value. This was also a great disappointment to Nathan today. (Bronze: $4.50!!) He has wagered about $10,000 for a gold. Hopefully this will not dash his 9 year old hope of being an Olympian in archery because "the bows and arrows look totally awesome!" Totally another event we haven't thoroughly covered.

Warning: Contains Potentially Offensive Language

(Seriously, it does.)

We are sitting at dinner, leftovers as usual. (Leftovers from what? Anyone ever watch that comedy/horror movie called "Parents" about the family that always had leftovers but never "firsts" and it turned out the dad was bringing his work home with him? And he worked at the morgue?)

ANYWAY....

Suddenly Nathan calls out "can-a-b!tch!"

"What?!" David says.

Nathan points to the TV.

"CINN-A-B!TCH!" Lucy exclaims.

The TV is on the Music Choice Light Classical station. At the moment, "Symphony No. 22 in C Major" is being played by the London Mozart Players. Only they weren't playing Mozart. They were playing.... CANNABICH.

David called me into the dining room (do you love that I call it a dining room when it really is just a big table sitting at one end of our living room or "Room Where Clean Laundry Piles Go to Die?") and he asks me, "How do you pronounce that name?" In the background Nathan and Lucy are saying it over and over as many times as they can "can-a-b!tch-cinn-a-b!tch-can-a-b!tch-cinn-a-b!tch."

"Um, I am pretty sure the end of the name doesn't have the 'ch' sound so it's 'can-a-bick'" I fudge and cast a knowing glance at David.

"Oooohhhhh!!" The kids say.

And dinner continues.
And David and I wipe the laughs off our faces.
And I sit down and type the story out for all of you.

The Moral of the story is.....Classical Music isn't as safe as you thought it was. Might as well turn on the Heavy Rap channel.

AND

How are you SUPPOSED to pronounce "Cannabich?"

BLU-RAY BLOG BONUS FEATURE:
IMDB Link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098068/

Bake Cake, Insert Candles

The alarm goes off and he gets out of bed. I already sit in my rocking chair, half asleep and half awake, feeding our sweet Baby Charlie Girl.

Him: (whispered) Happy Birthday Sweetie.
Me: Thank you.
Him: How old are you now?
Me: 35
Him: Sweet! You could run for president!
Me: I should be president. But you wouldn't vote for me.
Him: What? Yes I would!
Me: No you wouldn't. I'm not conservative enough.
Him: I would vote for you....I'm your husband.
Me: Nope.
Him: Are you trying to tell me you are a flaming liberal?
Me: No, just not what you are looking for. Besides, I'm a woman.
Him: But you're MY woman...................ugh, whatever, don't change the subject: Happy Birthday!

When I came downstairs, I discovered that he got the last word on the fridge.....

Even Though....

...we JUST had a decently sized argument, took care of what we needed to take care of and are all better now, I still cannot resist posting this.



Working toward that goal one day at a time.

Hard to Believe.....

I Give You My Peace

I have some links for you guys. I had originally posted them on my Facebook wall but as I looked through the images, some of them, honestly, were a little too disturbing/upsetting to put out on FB like that. However, some of them are breathtakingly beautiful and stunning and gutwrenching and.......wow, it has been quite a year in this world. I can't not share them.

There are 3 Parts:
The Year in Photos Part 1 of 3
The Year in Photos Part 2 of 3
The Year in Photos Part 3 of 3

I don't know why my reaction to some of these surprised me so much but I just found myself thankful that God sees all of this and knows what we are going through.
He has a solution,
a light at the end of the tunnel, if you will, that is available to everyone.

There are days that I find myself feeling much like the Israelites might have been when Jesus first came:

Save me Jesus! Take me away from here!

But what if He did that every time we called out to Him? Who would step up and be Light in a world of darkness, evil, tragedy, selfishness and sin? Who would be the Hope?

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33

It's a promise. We have images like the ones I linked to going on all around us. More than images, events. Events so graphic that they will forever attempt to poison our hearts.

But take heart! The Lord has overcome! He has warned us it will not be easy but He reminds us to have Hope. He even tells us the end of the story! (See the Book of Revelation.)

So despite the fact that you can find end of the year lists for some of the worst and saddest news stories of the year but have a hard time finding even one story containing the Uplifting News Stories of 2011 (perhaps for a blog post you are currently writing) I still encourage you to take heart! HE has overcome the world!!

Having a Baby After Losing a Baby

Today is the final NaBloPoMo post and the final of my sometimes series on Confessions. And this one is kind of a big one.

I have been trying to figure out if I wanted to write about this or not and ultimately decided that I am going to write, not really re-read and do my best to not delete. I just want to get my thoughts and answers out there despite the jumbled, exhausted, twitchy, insomnia'd person who is doing the typing. (That person is me.)

We are 27 weeks pregnant now.
I have passed the one year mark of when I delivered Elijah and I was pregnant on that day. We have long passed the 16/18 week mark of Elijah's gestational age with this child. And, I am not carrying a boy.

Confession: I miss my son. Achingly so, on some days. It is possible to find me crying over our loss while driving and listening to any number of songs about Heaven. Or while looking at drawings of "Our Family" done by my children with Elijah included and hanging out in the clouds.

When we told people we were expecting this baby I am carrying now, I saw in many eyes, in the very background after expressing their joy, the question: Are you okay with this?

Most days: Yes.
Very few days: NO.

But how can I express the grab bag of feelings that comes with knowing that if Elijah had survived, this little girl currently being knit together would not exist? How do I express joy over my new sweet life when it only is possible because of the expiration of another soul?

Simply stated, I cannot.
There is no way to accurately document, report, communicate the myriad of sorrow and joy.

In September, my sister delivered her first child. It was only the second childbirth I got to watch and it was the most amazing thing to see her accomplish. Joshua Jordan gets his middle name from me just as my own Lucy Joy gets her middle name from my sister. And when they settled on that name, it was overwhelming to know that there was a being on the earth who was my namesake. I told Kristy that it is almost too much pressure to put on a person!

It was a few hours before I got to hold Joshua. Kristy and her hubby Kris were in their recovery room getting all settled in, all the grandmas had their snuggles and it was my turn. Kris's mother placed Joshua in my arms, the first newborn I had held in a very long time, and I choked on my emotions. I cried at his beauty, I cried at the amazing man I can already tell he will one day become. I cried because I was holding proof of God granting second chances.

And I cried because he wasn't MY newborn son.

I turned away, so very aware of all the eyes in the room on me. My sister knew-she always knows, even moments after giving birth-what I was struggling with. I wanted to take the baby and run out the door. Spend some time with him all alone and cry and cry and cry. But that was not an option. Instead, I swallowed the feelings as best I could so I wouldn't make a spectacle of myself and handed Joshua over to the next person in line.

That night, in my hotel room, I cried for hours. It was the sad, bitter, pity cry you have for yourself. It felt selfish and did not contain emotions I felt I could express in the daytime. I was feeling very sorry for myself and then angry at myself for being so selfish and then the sorry would wash all my chastising away and I would return to my pity.

I wrote a long e-mail to David, tried to convey everything I was feeling and that helped me to calm down.

I spoke to God in long run-on sentences that may or may not have made sense and were punctuated with the closing of my tired eyes.

And I slept.

When I woke up, I found the pity had diminished. I was thankful to go and visit my nephew. when I held him I felt that sense of completeness that comes with a newborn. I held him as if my arms had been longing for this little nephew all of my life.

God heard me. Saw me. Cared for me.

So as I continue on with this pregnancy, it is not unusual for my sister to get a text saying, "I think I might actually have this baby!" Not in a crass way but in a surprising way. My experiences with Elijah have left me raw but they also left me knowing to appreciate every moment. Even the current ones filled with exhaustion but no sleep and kicking and rolling and stretching. Each movement of this little girl is exactly what I am supposed to be feeling and I enjoy it knowing that at any moment, it could be lost.

If my pregnancy, dear reader, has caused you to wonder how I am handling another pregnancy so close to come after losing Elijah, then I would like to give you the "Yes I am fine/No, I am not fine" answer which is fairly unsatisfactory as far as an answer goes.

Instead, I will answer any question with honesty and I will be sure to add on that
God is Good. He has taken care of me in the time of my greatest need and I can trust Him with the life of this girl. Not because I "know" everything will be okay "because God wouldn't allow me to lose 2 kids in a row...." but because I know God loves me. He has proved it time and time again.

And a God who loves me will never hang me out to dry.

An Ode to the Power of a New White Tee

An Ode to the Power of a New White Tee

Oh new white tee
Purchased from Target
(As is the way)
I clip your tags off in anticipation
I get giddy as I peel the size sticker off the front of you
(thankful that I remembered before wearing you out.)

What is the power a new white tee has?
That first time it is worn,
before the washing machine dulls it,
before the dryer disfigures it,
before your Green Tea Latte (with soy) stains it,
it is a feeling of style.
The jeans fit better,
the shoes look cuter,
the accessories are accessories-ier.

White Tee from Target, I wore you today.
My make up worked.
The baby belly popped in all the right places.
I didn't even spill on you.

I should wash you, but perhaps I can squeeze in one more wear.
I just have to wait long enough
so no one will notice.

145 BPM

Got to pay a little visit to Labor and Delivery today.

I won't make you do the math, I am only 27 weeks along (tomorrow) so that is like a hundred weeks too early.

And before you start flipping out, I should say that everything is fine.
Everything is great!

We (and I mean ME) were concerned that we (me) might be leaking a little amniotic fluid. (I shall spare you the nitty gritty, I already had to give far too many details to my dad on the phone earlier tonight.)

I assumed I would just head to the doc and they'd have me walk through some sort of amniotic fluid scanner (like an airport metal detector) and then we'd have a good laugh about how silly I was being and then they'd buy me Starbucks and I would go home.

Instead they said that they wanted me to go to the big L and D. This is not a place I wanted to be....not for a good 3 months at least. But off I went.

The fun in getting there included getting a little lost downtown (I don't usually drive myself to the hospital) and then helping a very colorfully worded lady with the automated parking payment machine and then hitting the "door close" button on the elevator before the creepy guy who was walking behind me had a chance to hop in. Then I felt bad for being so judgmental so I pushed the button as I got out to send the elevator back down to him.

Everything moved along quite quickly. Too quickly, actually. At one point, while I was in my fancy-you-will-see-these-on-the-runway-this-year hospital gown with the baby monitor while my little girl made that heart of hers beat like a pro, I found myself more relaxed than I had been in a long time. The room was lit very dimly, it was very quiet....it was kind of nice. I didn't even turn on the TV which is really a shocker.

Docs came and did all sorts of things including an external ultrasound in which they declared that I looked just right and the baby kicked her foot super high in the air. (Not even kidding.)

I was so thankful for modern medicine declaring me to be a worrywart. The docs were kind enough to tell me that it was good that I came in and to always be safe rather than sorry. I did have a degree of peace going into it and found that my biggest fear was the requirement of non-stress tests 2x a week for the next 3 months. None of that was necessary and all I left with was a feeling of peace (and the desire to fill up my cup with more of the yummy crunchy ice.)

Confession: Wouldn't mind the need to hang out in a darkened, quiet room for a few hours again before this baby comes. It was some of the best relaxing I have done in weeks.


Follow Up Thought: Perhaps the inside of a massage room would be a better place than a hospital bed?

HAPPY ZABSGIVING EVERYONE!!

STUFFING UPDATE!!
It tastes good!! Now, it has bite because I was a little heavy handed with the onions but........the stuffing is Not Gross!!

When I was getting ready to cook, I donned my favorite apron and piled my hair high in a top knot. The kids came in the kitchen and said that I looked like a "real baker person!" Nathan said that I didn't look like his Mom.

I couldn't get a good shot of both the apron and the top knot so you get 2-TWO-pictures!!

The sounds of Zabsgiving are alive!!

"Lucy, you can't have any more celery, I need it. No, you can't have any of THAT celery either, it has raw turkey juice on it.........because then you will get sick, that's why."

"Yeah!!"
"Ohhh c'mon!"
"How did he miss that?!"
"That's it, drop him like a bad habit!"
(Chargers vs Broncos....all of that was hollered by my son who has recently discovered what a tension relief yelling at football players can be.)

"David, will you be sure that Nathan is still breathing? Is he going to have a heart attack? The game has only been going for 20 minutes."

"Mama? Will you help me with my Princess Dress/Apron/Snow White skirt/tights/crown?"





20 minutes left till we check the bird. Potatoes are on the stove and I am just leaving the stuffing in the oven till it's time to eat. I really think it will be a Stove Top Zabsgiving.

Wow those are pretty!!

The Brussels Sprouts are for Lu who loves to try anything and everything. Whenever we are in the store together, she begs me to get some so I surprised her.

I am just sauteing them in olive oil, pepper and garlic powder. I hope she likes them but if not, it was still worth it for the giant hug I got when she saw them in the fridge.

I sat down. That was a mistake.

Food remaining.....
-mashed potatoes
-fried corn (special recipe from my Gma that turns regular corn into a sweet, gooey yumminess)
-brussel sprouts

Food prepared.....
-cranberry sauce (from scratch!)

Food cooking.....
-turkey
-stuffing

I might have to enlist the Turkey Prep Guy into getting me off my rear end.