Underachievers, All of You.

I tried to burn the house down today.



But I was unsuccessful as the smell of melting plastic was more than I could bear.



And while I was scooping melted plastic off my stovetop, I decided to go ahead and poison myself. (Stay with me, folks.)

I started by taking a bite of this which, for me, is bad enough. (No wheat and gluten allowed for me anymore!)



And then I wiped my mouth with a close by paper towel I had just used sitting on my kitchen counter.
But it wasn't a paper towel since it came from this....



What did YOU do today?

The 18 Month Old Learns Physics

In an attempt to thank Aunt Kristy ("Dun dun dun duuuuunnnnn!!!) for her acts of braverism, Ella decided to fling herself in Aunt Kristy's direction with all the force in her little 18 month old body. And there was nothing to slow down that forward motion other than....Aunt Kristy's nose.

We don't THINK its fractured.

Tippy Toes!

First day of Dance Class for Lucy today!
Well, its a "Pre Dance" Dance Class but it went so well that Lucy has decided that she's going to take the "rock and roll" class next door to her studio. (It was an advanced jazz class.)

Last night, while making a list of everything I'd need for the morning my questions included the following:

1. Why does this class start at 8:30am? Who hates the mothers of 4 and 5 year olds so much?
2. Will Lucy actually follow her teacher's instructions or teach her own dance to the other students and hijack the class much like her mother did many many moons ago?

I could insert an anecdote about myself taking a dance class involving me creating my own routine and calling the rest of the class over to where I was rather than follow my teacher but that would just take too long and this post is about Lucy!

Thankfully-for me, but not for you, my readers-the class was without incident. I didn't get a lot of pictures because I didn't think they'd want Ella running around yelling or Nathan running and sliding on his knees on the very polished dance floor. So while the kids played on the playground outside, I'd duck in and peek every once in awhile. And let me tell you: She was cute. Like, next time I get mad at her and I can't calm down by counting her freckles, I'm going to make her put on her leotard and tights and show me her new dance steps.

Let's get to the pictures!













What a beautiful dancer, my sweet Lucy Goose.

The One Where You, the Reader, Wonders if You Should Click on the Words "Dead Rat"

Wow guys, you should be amazed that I am even ALIVE after this holiday weekend!
(What's that? It's Wednesday already? Shhhhh.)


Okay, its the morning. Mommy is in sweats and tank top, kids are in jammies and Mommy needs her tea.
Insert the "Beauty of the Starbucks Drive Thru" Song here. (It's a song. I sing it almost twice a week.)
We climb in the car, as is, and get Mommy her fix.

While on the way, Nathan tells a story about how he saw a dead rat hanging on a neighbors fence.
What?! He must be mistaken.
Mommy tells him-for a good 10 minutes-how that is next to impossible. How she is not saying he's lying, just mistaken. The only time he'd see something like that would be if it was Halloween and it was a fake rat.

Later in the day, Mommy runs to the store and takes Nate the Great with her. A nice time is had by all and on the way home, Nathan reminds Mommy of the rat. Confident he is seeing something like a jacket or robe hanging on the neighbor's fence, she pulls the car around and sees.........A DEAD RAT.

WHAAAT?! He's dead. He's (all rat's are "he's") kind of hanging half over the fence and it's kind of confusing how he's still hanging on so tightly even though he's totally dead. Not mostly dead.

Calls are placed to the hubs who is concerned till he finds out the fence is across the street from his own home. Calls are placed to the city of Poway who calls back and says they'll come get it but they're gonna charge for it. Calls are placed to the Home Owners Association who sound concerned but clearly are already lounging by the pool for the holiday weekend and can't be bothered to clean up a rotting and possibly rabid animal. (All rats are "he's" and all dead ones most assuredly have rabies.)

A day passes. It's still there.
Another day passes, still there.

Mommy picks up Aunt Kristy ("Dun dun dun duuuunnnnn!!" Aunts always need their own superhero theme music) and even though it's nighttime, she drives her over to peek and see if the rat is still there. Mommy regrets not filming the reaction Aunt Kristy had when she finally saw the rat. Mommy and Aunt Kristy ("Dun dun dun duuuunnnnn!!") drive around the block a few times before parking since the neighbors living near the Dead Rat SAW Aunt Kristy looking at the Dead Rat.

Another day passes.
It is now July 4th and Mommy wonders if she should make Viewing the Dead Rat a part of her 4th of July celebration.
But she would not have to because AUNT KRISTY HAD OTHER PLANS (""Dun dun dun duuuunnnnn!!")

Aunt Kristy was appalled at the presence of The Dead Rat. And she had HAD. ENOUGH.
When Mommy picked her up on the Day of Independence, Aunt Kristy announced, "The Dead Rat will be no more."

Mommy was in awe.

And when Mommy and Aunt Kristy got home, Aunt Kristy ("Dun dun dun duuuunnnnn!!") got a plastic bag and marched across the street.

"She's really going to go get the Dead Rat." Mommy told Daddy.
"Good for her." Daddy told Mommy.
"You aren't going out there to do it instead?"
"Nope."

Mommy heard the Aunt Kristy Theme Song playing loudly and boldly as Aunt Kristy crossed the street with the empty grocery bag. She marched right up to the Dead Rat, grabbed it using the bag as a glove and tied the bag up lickety-split.

"Ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh!!" Mommy exclaimed as Aunt Kristy ("Dun dun dun duuuunnnnn!!") displayed such an act of bravery and triumphantly returned and deposited the Dead Rat in the community trashcan.

"Okay, you are completely AWESOME!" Mommy proclaimed and she continued to prepare for her 4th of July, Independence Day Celebration that had now also turned into a The Dead Rat is Gone Celebration.



Aunt Kristy ("Dun dun dun duuuunnnnn!!") saved me! Aren't you guys glad?
And THEN, when I was taking her home the next day, there was a bee in my car and she captured and released it all while I watched in awe, eating my frozen yogurt.

How to Survive a Sleepover Without Really Trying

It was Belated Birthday Party Time for Nephew Nicholas this weekend. We picked out the cake he wanted: Strawberry cake with red icing ("So it will still look like a boy cake.") And the dinner menu was planned: quesadillas without beans (he doesn't like that I put refried beans in the flat burritos I often make and since it's his birthday, he called the shots) and a watermelon that Nick insisted we buy.

The fun started after Sunday Afternoon's nap with a movie of Nick's choosing and then we all trekked down to the pool for a swim. (This was key in the plan of success!)

It was quickly followed by dinner (picnic style) and cupcakes ("tup-takes" as Nick calls them) and the announcement that we would be SLEEPING DOWNSTAIRS!! There was much rejoicing. And then a photo shoot of epic proportion....



And from this photo shoot, an even MORE epic photo shoot commenced (how is that is even possible?!)



The evening ended with kids slowly and surely rolling over and falling asleep. We only had 2 wake ups in the middle of the night (not counting the one where Nate got up and woke up Daddy instead of me) and I was pleased to call the event a success when this morning Nick walked over to the computer to see the pictures and smiled at me when he said, "That was so much fun last night."

Ahhhhhh.

The Final Word.

I heard a wise speaker challenge a roomful of Christian women about their speaking habits. These are women. They TALK. (We do.) We "chat," we "catch up," we "share prayer requests," and we even out and out gossip. But for the things that are really tugging at our hearts-the things we need to lay at the feet of our Lord-she issued the following challenge:

Talk about your problems with GOD

MORE

than you talk about it with everyone else.

Say what?
Read it again. I'll wait.

This means EXACTLY what it says. There is no hidden meaning or way of "interpreting" it.
I could write pages and pages about how this can effect us every day in every word we say but for today, I am applying it to the Jon and Kate Gosselin issue.

I am neck deep in divorce. It surrounds me on both sides of the family and in the lives of some dear friends. It is an issue I will never hesitate to speak about from the perspective of a child of divorced parents. I couldn't even watch the Jon and Kate episode tonight talking about their decision to divorce, I just can't listen to it.

Instead, I am tonight choosing to talk about it less and pray about them more. I know I have spent over an hour of my life in the last 3 weeks discussing them when instead I could be lifting them up in prayer. Praying for their kids.

I am done. I am off to pray.
And that is my final word about that.

And Then I Told Him Superman Was Dead

The song "Rainbow Connection" plays and the singer pauses to converse with some over sized puppets about how we ALL can find the Rainbow Connection, not just him. The singer and the band reflectively tag the end of the song and continue to play when Nathan turns to me and dreamily says, "Mommy, will we EVER find the Rainbow Connection?"

I turn to him and reply................
"No Nathan, the Rainbow Connection is not a real place. Now go upstairs and get dressed."




Mommy: Keeper of Dreams and Encourager of Imagination

Because I'm All About the New Math

Dear Water Rationing People,

Hi. I'm a mother of 3 kids (plus an extra one on the weekends,) I work part time, and I have VERY full life on Facebook and I wanted to talk to you about this whole 5 minute shower concept.

I am very conscious when it comes to conservation. I recycle. I don't waste food. I don't leave the faucet running when brushing my teeth or shaving. (Burt and Ernie taught me that.) I make my kids turn out the lights all the time and I always run my appliances after 7pm. In fact, most of the time they are running at 3am since that's the only time I have to even attempt to do laundry. (Wait a minute, what are we saving again? Oh yes, water.)

Lets talk about water. I wanted to know if we could reach some sort of deal on this 5 minute shower concept. I call it a concept because I am a little doubtful that you guys really put enough thought into it. Did you factor in the time it takes to wrestle open a slippery, wet shampoo bottle? Or is there any grace if you drop your washcloth and have to pick it up? Or how about if you are shampoo-ing (ohh that made me giggle) and a kid comes in to tell you that another kid took her crayons and then the crayon culprit comes in to defend himself and you are left with shampoo-d (ha! there it is again!) but unrinsed hair and holding a full court session in your bathroom? (And the defense is extremely long-winded.)

I have a deal for you. So try to keep up, Shower People.

I am thankful if I get to take a shower every other day. So, applying your math of 5 minute showers, that means I can take a 10 minute shower every other day. I would also like you to provide a credit line for those people with kids and the extra sweat they go through each day. Let's say 1 minute each kid. Now I am up to a 16 minute shower. That gets me probably washed and my hair clean (I won't make another joke about shampoo-ing....giggle) but people! I still have to exfoliate! I have to condition! I have to attempt to BE ALONE!

16 minutes so far.
Here's my next equation.

What if I bathe the kids extra quickly? Can I have their unused minutes? I mean, the baby, I could probably keep her clean with baby wipes alone, would I then get her 5 minutes? How about if I get some of that dry shampoo Heidi had and use that on Lucy's hair? And in the summer when we go swimming, that's totally a bath right there!

If my figures are correct, it looks like I am up to about 30 minutes of showering every other day.
And that equals the kind of math I can really get behind.

I hope you consider my request, Water Rationing Board and 5 Minute Showering People. And if you need to investigate my theory a little closer, I believe that the Crayon Culprit can hold his closing arguments in YOUR bathroom tomorrow morning.

Sincerely,

Bethany Zabrosky

Save Me a Seat at the Breakfast Table

Lucy’s prayer on the way to school this morning…..

“Dear Jesus,

Thank you for this day. May Nate and I be good at school today and have good days.
And Jesus, I have camping day today at my school and it is going to be so much fun and I hope you can see me.
One day I will get to see you and when I do, I will give you a big hug.”

I can’t wait to hug Jesus either.

Do me a favor and say hey to Jesus

And tell him I’m missing him too

Tell him I’m missing him too

Guest Blogger Alert!

I guest blogged for my dear friend Carol today in her weekly Thankful Ten on Tuesday feature... if you want to see the 10 beverages I am thankful for, cruise on over!

Beyond Black and White: Giving God the Crayon

And bookmark the site. Carol is a dynamic writer. you don't want to miss a word she shares!

The 10 Year Plan of a 6 Year Old

"Mommy, when I grow up, know what kind of car I'm gonna have? The fastest car in. the. world."

"Wow Nathan, that is going to cost a lot of money."

"I know Mommy, but I have a plan. "

"Oh yeah?"

"I am going to open a lemonade stand and people will pay $10 for lemonade. But I'm only going to have it one day a week because I have other things I need to do."

"Uhhhh......."

"And then I'm going to take the money I make and save it in my bank with the lid that tells me how much money I have and when I my bank is full, I am going to get a big cardboard box and spill all of my money into the box."


I started to ask why Nathan wasn't interested in putting the money in the bank but decided that it would be ill advised to question a plan that was so clearly well thought out.

Liar, Liar, 4.7

It had been one of those nights where it seems the kids had some sort of springs in their beds. They'd gotten up for glasses of water, claimed they hadn't brushed their teeth, that they were hungry, etc. So when Nathan came out AGAIN, he barely got to state his case...

"Mommy?"

"Nate. Get back in bed."

"But Mommy, my bed is shaking. It's really really true!"

Daddy walked halfway up the stairs to take over.

"Nathan, it's because you keep jumping in and out of your bed. Stay in bed."


The door creaks. Lucy is now up as well.

"Daddy, my bed is shaking."

Daddy is fed up: "Lucy get in bed. Nathan get in bed."

Mommy is fed up as well: "Both of you get your bottoms back in your beds!"


*ching a ling a ling* I get a text message from my mom. Oh!

I go running upstairs to David who is thisclose to handing out some spankings.

"Uhhh, David. Apparently there was an earthquake. They probably DID feel their beds shaking."

Lucy says, with a smile: "I thought there was a crocodile under my bed but it was just an earthquake!"
And she hopped back into bed with a smile.


This stay of execution has been brought to you by The Grandma Sisi Foundation: Using text messaging technology to save the heinies of cute and snuggly grandchildren everywhere.

The One Where I Am Confused

Dropping Nathan off at school this morning I noticed a whole lot of parents and kids that I didn't recognize.




It kinda made me wonder if I'd taken him to the wrong school.

The Nose Knows

Dear Febreze,

When you first came out a number of years ago, people thought you were amazing. You'd spray their clothes with a light scent, those clothes would get tossed in the dryer and come out looking like they'd JUST been laundered! AMAZING.

And then you had stuff to spray on your COUCH! And your CARPET! AMAZING!

But, Febreze, I really think you should have thought this whole "scent thing" through a little more. You see, when you first appeared in the Target laundry aisle and I was a brand new housewife, I used you everywhere. On the clothes, on the bed, on the couch. I think I bought every different variation of your brand. And now that I am a not so brand new housewife (and frankly have an even greater need for your smelling good and anti-allergen abilities) I have a problem with the scent of you.

The scent of Febreze= DIRTY CLOTHES.

Now, if I grab a cute top I wore for 2 hours 3 days ago, spray, it tumble it and wear it for a night out with the girls, I am going to think of my laundry pile outside the washing machine that never gets smaller. I picture that pair of jeans I am trying to squeeze one more wear out of. Dirty work clothes, sweaty T-Ball gear, stinky toddler socks all swirl around my head in a Looney Tunes fashion. And because of that, I can't use you!

My suggestion?
Make Febreze to smell exactly like major detergent brands. If I spray and tumble and pull out a shirt that smells like Tide, I am one happy gal! If I can walk out the door with clothes that smell like Gain or Surf or All then I won't be thinking of dirty laundry while I sip a Manhattan at Bing Crosby's, I will be able to clearly form a plan to steal the shoes one of my friends might be wearing. (I love shoes.)

In conclusion Febreze, I think a move in this direction might be just what the laundry aisle needs to shake things up. This might cause women to EEK! out loud while picking up dryer sheets. (Hey, that's another scent you could adopt!) You never know, Febreze, sometimes it doesn't take much to brighten our day.

Sincerely,

A Woman Who takes Her Laundry Scents Just a Little Too Seriously

Toddler on Air Guitar

My cable company just added new music channels to their "Music Choice" lineup and while checking them out, I found a "Toddler Tunes" channel. It sounded interesting and nice so I tuned in........huh?? 

I just heard a Lullaby version (no singing) of "You Can't Always Get What You Want" (by the Rolling Stones) played on what sounds very much like the piano that Nathan was given on his First Christmas.

I was puzzled at first but as I thought about it, it is a very good life principle to teach young children. You can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need.

"Genius!" my thoughts continued! "What a good message to send to young children and toddlers! this is something we all need to know in life and as my child is falling asleep, these are good words to be drifting around in her head. It might be just the right thing to help her build a good foundation of realizing the difference between want and need."

I leaned back and listened to the tinkle (hee hee, I said tinkle) of the toy piano. I wondered to myself what the rest of the lyrics might be but then I decided that I just didn't want to know.

But then I realized it. Something you may have realized already.
I don't know many toddlers or babies who might already know the words to this particular Rolling Stones song....so this all music version of classic rock and roll isn't really going to have any effect on my child's moral upbringing unless I teach her the words to the song.

And we all know that if I'm schooling Lucy or Ella on The Music of the Rolling Stones, I'm gonna be starting with "Satisfaction."




Wait a minute....hmmm.

****************************

UPDATE: Now the Music Channel is playing a lullaby version of Dolly Parton's "9 to 5." 

Really?

Look Away...I'm Hideous

This morning, when I woke up, it was quickly apparent that I had spent most of the night sleeping on my face. There was a very strong resemblance to Mel Gibson in "Man Without a Face."

No, I am not posting a picture of myself. I do have a teeny tiny shred of dignity.

I can't take Nathan to school looking like this so even though we are ready to go, we are waiting for Mommy to return to normal. 

Do you think they have a box to check on Nate's Tardy Slip for something like this? 

This might be a fill in the blank situation.

Reason For Tardy......

...Mom just wasn't herself.

...was busy fostering an appreciation for the Mel Gibson films of the 1990's. (Next is "Forever Young.")

...student to terrified to ask for a ride to school.

...it's a BEAST! A Horrible, monsterous BEAST!

War.

All around me, there is silence.
The cause of my conflict is tucked safely in bed.
I focus myself and with great concentration begin to apply layer after layer-painting myself and symbolically showing the world:

This is war.

I have declared it and will not rest until I win.
Or I'm dead.

The warpaint applied, I surround herself with my arsenal of weapons and begin the waiting.
I may appear peaceful.
I may appear calm.
But a battle is raging right there on my face.


It is the signs of aging.
And this 32 year old plans to win.

And That's the Day Mommy Started Drinking at Lunchtime

The Cast:
Mommy, Age 32
Oldest Brother, Age 6
Nephew, Age 4 1/2
Oldest Sister, Age 4
Youngest Sister, Age 1

The Theme: How Mommy Lost Her Mind
As told in brief statements of reflection
and
Ongoing Facebook Status via Twitter (indicated by italics)

And....BEGIN!!

Bethany Shumate Zabrosky gets to take 4, count em FOUR kids into 1 tiny doctor's office. So if you would pray for Jesus to come back before 9 am this morning, that would be great. Thanks

.
Left the house at 8:15am
.....got on the wrong freeway
....late for (2) kids' doc appointment
...4 kids in 1 tiny doc room
...loud boys with pretend guns during hearing test
...holding down 4 year old girl for 4 shots
....1 year old falling out of chairs during 4 year old's shots
...disharmony and unkindness flowing out of 3 big kids' mouths

OH DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN I DIDN'T THINK I WAS GOING TO MAKE IT OUT ALIVE!!!!

....milkshakes undeserved but promised without a behavior clause
...1 year old screaming

Bethany Shumate Zabrosky is attempting to engage in French Fry Therapy with crappy fries and too little ketchup.

...6 year old back to schoo-wait, feed 6 year old lunch first and then back to school
....breathe because there is one less kid
...gas for the car
...4 1/2 year old nephew sobbing because of potty accident
...pull out of long line at gas station
...port-a-potty 4 1/2 year old nephew
...1 year old screaming
...port-a-potty 4 year old daughter
...gas station line again
...find pants in car for soaked nephew
...gas pump pumps more gas than desired, goodbye groceries
...1 year old screaming
...pharmacy for allergy meds
...1 year old screaming
...HOME!

...lunch for big kids
...1 year old screaming and throwing herself on the floor
...big kids go play
...1 year old screaming and kicking
...1 year old finally accepts lunch and stops screaming
...pack up nephew's bags for him to go home
...pack up bags for t-ball game
...begin t-ball laundry
...pick up 6 year old from school
...4 year old daughter melts down because she didn't get a hug from her friend at her brother's school
...pile kids into car

Bethany Shumate Zabrosky might actually go insane today.....TODAY IS THE DAY!!! Huzzah!!

...drive 30 mins to take nephew home
...1 year old screaming
...1 year old and 4 year old daughter sleep-ahhhhhhh
...drop off nephew

...head home to get t-ball laundry and prepare for first game in 2 weeks
...insert 1 million distractions here
...t-ball player can't find his hat
...grown up words almost yelled despite pre school toys being present
...t-ball game in the light rain

It's raining on the field but the crazy fog is lifting.

...daddy arrives
...t-ball done and 6 year old melts down when he doesn't receive game ball

...dinner (THE END IS IN SIGHT!)
...6 year old sent to bed 40 minutes early for disobedience
...1 year old screaming
...4 year old alternating between sweetness and not so sweetness
...playtime with 1 year old
...bedtime for 4 year old
...bedtime for 1 year old

Bethany Shumate Zabrosky fjewioh48329jdnv.

It Doesn't Matter How I Breathe

It is the night before Easter. Easter Eve?

My family is all asleep and I am up running around like a crazy woman packing for church and the after-church. Both require many specific items like hair bows, t-ball gear, change of clothes and back up food options for the picky eaters of the family.

I also had to close myself in my car for a bit to listen to my iPod. I am singing a great song for church tomorrow. It is beautiful, the lyrics are powerful and the direction of the song requires me to summon up all the air I can pull into my lungs for one really big long note. I have the rest of the song down. It's that one note that is threatening to keep me awake all night.

When I sing-especially for church-I really really want it to be perfect. The main reason for this is because when you have a well structured service, one brought together with elements that blend together perfectly with enough room for the Spirit to move but structured so that it shows its purpose, one really botched song can throw that off. So I work hard-especially on the solos.

But as I was singing and NOT holding that note like I should, I realized something:

Whether or not I can hold this note for the full 10 counts, JESUS STILL ROSE FROM THE DEAD. If I mess up tomorrow, if my asthma kicks in and I find that I am lucky to be able to sing even one quarter note: JESUS IS STILL ALIVE! If I get to church and breeze through rehearsal and forget the words during the service: JESUS DEFIED DEATH!

Tomorrow's service has been prayerfully assembled. Each seat in our Worship Center will hold a soul that God hopes to make a personal connection with on Sunday morning. I am His vessel for carrying that message no matter what my physical body can handle.

When I was first singing in church as a high schooler, I sang a song by Crystal Lewis. I had a new dress to wear, my hair was done the way I liked and when it was my turn in the service, I got up and sang. It was perfect. I got to the musical break where I had selected some scripture to be read while the track played in the background. I began to read, it was awesome! I got to one part and lost my place. It was like the words of the page just FELL OFF and were heading out the door to beat the Methodists to all the good lunch places! The scripture was telling about the miracle Jesus performed on the man who was lowered through the roof to get close to Jesus. As I read and tried to catch myself up, I remember I said, "the guy" instead of "the man." THE GUY? Why not "the dude" or "that one" or just grunting and squealing like a pig instead of saying "the guy?" I. was. mortified.

I finished the song, survived the rest of the service and I cried the whole way home. Later that week, I got a card in the mail from a dear friend's mom. She told me how much she loved my song on Sunday. How God touched her through the words I sang and thanked me for sharing. Look at that! God still can work powerfully in our lives even when our human-ness attempts to get in the way of the message!

I am thankful tonight that it wasn't my job to get Jesus out of the grave. Because if you know me, you know I sometimes flake out on things. I will forget, be late or show up on the wrong day. And if that had happened, well, our end would not be a happy one. Jesus didn't need us to raise Him. Yes, our sin put Him there. But it was by His choice. And it is because He is perfect that He rose again.

Tomorrow, Easter Sunday, when I prepare to sing, I am going to remember that God doesn't need my perfection to make the Easter Sunday at Vista Grande Community Church the Most Powerful Church Service of All Time Known To Man! He needs my obedience to sing the song I am meant to sing. He needs me to offer Him my "first fruits" and deliver the very best performance I humanly can. He needs me to reflect Him with my words and praise.

And that is something I will NOT be late for.

Holy holy holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was and is and is to come.
With all creation I sing
Praise to the King of Kings!
You are my everything
And I will adore you.
-Revelation Song by Jennie Lee Riddle
sung by Kari Jobe (And me!)

Description: Fluffy, Sticky and Covered in Sugar

Dear Nathan, Nicholas, and Lucy,

You may notice this year that your Easter baskets are....um.....missing something this year. You have always had some form of Peeps in your Easter Baskets and, well, they just aren't there this year.

It's because a bird FLEW INTO THE HOUSE and opened the pantry and moved the spagetti sauce aside to open the tied bag of Easter candy and took ONLY the Peeps and then flew out! The whole time calling out, "Peeps! Peeps! Peeps!"

Wait...I have something better.

A pack of wild dogs came as me as soon as I opened the back of the car and they ripped open the bags from Target and TOOK ALL THE PEEPS! It was terrible and I barely escaped with my life.

Hang on-I've got more.

It was like a FORCE FIELD made all the mags magically float out of the shopping bags and into my mouth.
Dang it. I gave it away.

I'll make it up to you. Look for an abundance of Easter colored Whoppers. Just as good as Peeps. And they don't silently call out to the wildlife of San Diego to seek and consume.