Ahhh dear readers (who consist mainly of my family and a handful of friends who somehow find me amusing) I give you my apologies for neglecting this blog. I set it up, tease you about it in every e-mail I send you and then never post anything new or original. Please forgive me.
I want to write pages and pages on about the interesting things that my mind ponders but these days I only have room in my brain for the production of my dinner theatre, and, occasionally, my children's names. (Well not really, I have just been taking to call them "The Short One" and "The Shorter One")
We had our first live audience last night and our show was met with kind reviews. People laughed, my boss (and the church's pastor) really liked it and we even fooled a Homicide Sheriff who was sure someone else had committed the murder. Tonight is opening night and, oddly, our smallest for attendance. I am hoping we get a ton of people showing up at the door to buy tickets.
All of this is to say that I plan to post my thoughts, revelations and commentary that Will Change The World soon. Right now I have to go feed The Short One and The Shorter One has a runny nose.
Friday, March 31, 2006
Thursday, March 23, 2006
My Life Has Felt Like an Epilogue
"Ever since Walt died, my life has felt like an epilogue."
T.S. Garp "The World According to Garp"
T.S. Garp "The World According to Garp"
I am currently toward the end of the book that this quote is taken from and it has been a journey to read. Before you go away-this blog is not a book review. Instead, it is a LIFE review.
We all have moments in life that change us. It could be a bad hair style on the wrong day to some thing like a family member dying. I myself have experienced many life changing events. My parents had an awful and very public crisis and consequential split, I had a very dear and wonderful uncle pass away unexpectedly, the very odd and still not understood split of my husband's parents, the process of helping rebuild a church I love so much while in the wake of destruction my own father helped cause. There are a few of mine that I could use in the quote from above...
"Ever since my parent's split, my life has felt like an epilogue."
B. J. Zabrosky, October 1998
OR
"Ever since Uncle Jim died, my life has felt like an epilogue."
Bethany J. Zabrosky, Every March 3 of Every Year to Follow From Now Until Forever
However, despite these circumstances I have avoided the epilogue lifestyle. Instead I have picked up, moved on, and started a new chapter with Vista Grande Church. Started a new BOOK by having Nate the Great and Lucy Joy and even had to learn a new language as relationships rebuild from divorce.
You who are currently reading this and following this late evening train of thought, may I encourage you to participate in this exercise? Take your life changing event. The one that pops up in your mind each day. The one that is stopping you from moving on with your life. The one that can grip you with such fear that even your strongest of wills finds itself immovable and fill in the blank.
"Ever since ______________________, my life has felt like an epilogue."
You, Today and Right Now
Face it! Accept it! Look at it and stare at it. If you think have a moment in your life that you can put here than you need to realize it right now. Your life HAS become an epilogue. A moment of time has taken away all your future moments and captured your permanent attention. That's it. You are done. You will forever view life through that experience, that time of anguish. Say it out loud if you need to. It hurts. Let it hurt and allow it to leave your body with each exhale you take.
Can invite you to take another deep breath? Because I feel I might have some hope for you.
I have a Friend. A God who Reigns my Life. Who is Knower of All Things Good and Bad. And, what's more important, who is Knower of All Things Good and Bad IN MY LIFE. He has been called the Great Author for it is He who writes our beginnings and our ends and...our epilogues.
Who it is that can complete the Book of Anguish you filled in the blank with? My God.
Who has a fresh page, a brand new chapter for you to begin a whole new beginning? My God.
Who is it that loves you so much that He is begging you to ask Him to help you? Your God.
I say Your God because, frankly, most of you know of Whom I speak. Most of my blog readers are Christians who walk daily with the Lord Jesus, who call upon the Holy Spirit and who rely on their Heavenly Father for the things they need.
But
I also know that most of my blog readers have something to fill in the blank with. I know many of them so intimately that I could fill in the blank FOR them. But that is not my job.
My friends, God is begging (and I am begging) for you to take your Moments, your Disasters, your Life-Changing-Epilogue-Creating Times and hand them to Him. Find the strength, the courage to remove yourself from the book of your life that you are currently writing and start a new book. One of Hope for the Future, one with greater strength than before.
I started this posting as a way of commenting that I don't WANT to be like T.S. Garp and look at my life as an epilogue. I planned on talking of people I know who have been able to accomplish that. For example: While I lost an uncle, my aunt lost a husband. One who was the rock of his family and while she mourns his loss and acknowledges his absence from her everyday life, she picked herself up and married an amazing guy. One who was NOT my uncle but who LOVES her and together they are conquering the world airport by airport on all their adventures. THAT is a fine example of ending an epilogue.
But as I began writing, I felt the urging to do more than comment on the quote. I felt I needed to challenge someone out there to follow my aunt, follow me and others and begin that new chapter of life with God as the author. I felt so strongly that I cannot type fast enough, I am not concerned about my grammar or consistent metaphors because if this urging is from God, than He will have the Holy Spirit interpret my writings into an amazing spiritual revival for someone.
And so, dear reader...dear sister...dear friend...or total stranger. I invite you to join my exercise and I will be praying that your outcome can be nothing like the sad character of T.S. Garp's. I wish you Hope.
"Ever since ____________, my life has felt like an epilogue."
We all have moments in life that change us. It could be a bad hair style on the wrong day to some thing like a family member dying. I myself have experienced many life changing events. My parents had an awful and very public crisis and consequential split, I had a very dear and wonderful uncle pass away unexpectedly, the very odd and still not understood split of my husband's parents, the process of helping rebuild a church I love so much while in the wake of destruction my own father helped cause. There are a few of mine that I could use in the quote from above...
"Ever since my parent's split, my life has felt like an epilogue."
B. J. Zabrosky, October 1998
OR
"Ever since Uncle Jim died, my life has felt like an epilogue."
Bethany J. Zabrosky, Every March 3 of Every Year to Follow From Now Until Forever
However, despite these circumstances I have avoided the epilogue lifestyle. Instead I have picked up, moved on, and started a new chapter with Vista Grande Church. Started a new BOOK by having Nate the Great and Lucy Joy and even had to learn a new language as relationships rebuild from divorce.
You who are currently reading this and following this late evening train of thought, may I encourage you to participate in this exercise? Take your life changing event. The one that pops up in your mind each day. The one that is stopping you from moving on with your life. The one that can grip you with such fear that even your strongest of wills finds itself immovable and fill in the blank.
"Ever since ______________________, my life has felt like an epilogue."
You, Today and Right Now
Face it! Accept it! Look at it and stare at it. If you think have a moment in your life that you can put here than you need to realize it right now. Your life HAS become an epilogue. A moment of time has taken away all your future moments and captured your permanent attention. That's it. You are done. You will forever view life through that experience, that time of anguish. Say it out loud if you need to. It hurts. Let it hurt and allow it to leave your body with each exhale you take.
Can invite you to take another deep breath? Because I feel I might have some hope for you.
I have a Friend. A God who Reigns my Life. Who is Knower of All Things Good and Bad. And, what's more important, who is Knower of All Things Good and Bad IN MY LIFE. He has been called the Great Author for it is He who writes our beginnings and our ends and...our epilogues.
Who it is that can complete the Book of Anguish you filled in the blank with? My God.
Who has a fresh page, a brand new chapter for you to begin a whole new beginning? My God.
Who is it that loves you so much that He is begging you to ask Him to help you? Your God.
I say Your God because, frankly, most of you know of Whom I speak. Most of my blog readers are Christians who walk daily with the Lord Jesus, who call upon the Holy Spirit and who rely on their Heavenly Father for the things they need.
But
I also know that most of my blog readers have something to fill in the blank with. I know many of them so intimately that I could fill in the blank FOR them. But that is not my job.
My friends, God is begging (and I am begging) for you to take your Moments, your Disasters, your Life-Changing-Epilogue-Creating Times and hand them to Him. Find the strength, the courage to remove yourself from the book of your life that you are currently writing and start a new book. One of Hope for the Future, one with greater strength than before.
I started this posting as a way of commenting that I don't WANT to be like T.S. Garp and look at my life as an epilogue. I planned on talking of people I know who have been able to accomplish that. For example: While I lost an uncle, my aunt lost a husband. One who was the rock of his family and while she mourns his loss and acknowledges his absence from her everyday life, she picked herself up and married an amazing guy. One who was NOT my uncle but who LOVES her and together they are conquering the world airport by airport on all their adventures. THAT is a fine example of ending an epilogue.
But as I began writing, I felt the urging to do more than comment on the quote. I felt I needed to challenge someone out there to follow my aunt, follow me and others and begin that new chapter of life with God as the author. I felt so strongly that I cannot type fast enough, I am not concerned about my grammar or consistent metaphors because if this urging is from God, than He will have the Holy Spirit interpret my writings into an amazing spiritual revival for someone.
And so, dear reader...dear sister...dear friend...or total stranger. I invite you to join my exercise and I will be praying that your outcome can be nothing like the sad character of T.S. Garp's. I wish you Hope.
"Ever since ____________, my life has felt like an epilogue."
Step AWAY From the Baby (From the Archives)
This is one that makes me laugh and swell with pride over how much my sister loves my babies..but mostly laugh. We were selling our first house and searching for a new one. (We didn't find a new one for a few months and even got to stay with our good friends Scott and Susie for a few weeks before finding our current Poway home.) From Tuesday, July 8, 2003
So Kristy watched Nate the Great last night for the first time ever and she had an interesting experience …
Jeremy was out getting dinner and Kristy was holding Nathan when a lady comes to the door. She had looked at the house and had but a bid on it but was out bid by someone else. Then, she tells Kristy, she told her agent to counter back to us at $6000 higher and her agent said no. She wanted to come and talk to us in person and see if her agent was screwing her over or something. I guess she has tried to get 2 other places in this complex unsuccessfully. So all she wanted to do was talk to us.
Kristy said that the lady was visibly upset and is pretty sure that she didn't believe that Kristy wasn't the owner. She left a business card and asked Kristy to have us call her back.
Here is the funny part…(well, actually the story itself is the funny part but this part is all Kristy)…Kristy was holding Nathan who-I am sure-was being super cute but she didn't trust this woman and when the lady offered the business card Kristy said, "Put it in the mailbox." Then, shortly after that, Jeremy gets home and comes through the front door to get in the house. Kristy, when telling me the story, couldn't believe that he did that! "He opened the door and she could have darted right in!"
When she said that, I pictured some woman running into the house, mascara running and kissing my kitchen floors or something.
I told Kristy that I really appreciated her cautiousness. I teased her that she should have had the lady leave the card and then told her to "step away from the baby."
So Kristy watched Nate the Great last night for the first time ever and she had an interesting experience …
Jeremy was out getting dinner and Kristy was holding Nathan when a lady comes to the door. She had looked at the house and had but a bid on it but was out bid by someone else. Then, she tells Kristy, she told her agent to counter back to us at $6000 higher and her agent said no. She wanted to come and talk to us in person and see if her agent was screwing her over or something. I guess she has tried to get 2 other places in this complex unsuccessfully. So all she wanted to do was talk to us.
Kristy said that the lady was visibly upset and is pretty sure that she didn't believe that Kristy wasn't the owner. She left a business card and asked Kristy to have us call her back.
Here is the funny part…(well, actually the story itself is the funny part but this part is all Kristy)…Kristy was holding Nathan who-I am sure-was being super cute but she didn't trust this woman and when the lady offered the business card Kristy said, "Put it in the mailbox." Then, shortly after that, Jeremy gets home and comes through the front door to get in the house. Kristy, when telling me the story, couldn't believe that he did that! "He opened the door and she could have darted right in!"
When she said that, I pictured some woman running into the house, mascara running and kissing my kitchen floors or something.
I told Kristy that I really appreciated her cautiousness. I teased her that she should have had the lady leave the card and then told her to "step away from the baby."
Nathan Zabrosky...2031
When looking back on the sounds of my childhood, mixed in with the sounds of laughter, music and the microwave cooking up dinner, I remember my mother talking to the laundry.
She didn't do laundry very often. There never was a "Laundry Day" in our house, just a "Hey Mom, I'm All Out of Clothes Day."
So my mom would park herself, bowing in front of the gleaming white washer (she had an odd need to keep it sparkling clean) and talk to the clothes. She would groan at the stains that slipped by and sweet talk the marks on a favorite shirt. All done over the sounds of a pumping spray bottle.
As much as she believed in God, Jesus Christ and the TV show "Friends" to make her laugh, she also believed in the power of stain removers. My mom never stuck to one kind either. She brand hopped and consistency jumped in the attempt to eradicate stains from the lives of her family. Although she was most partial to a subtle mix of the Shout Gel, Spray-n-Wash and a daub of the Clorox Bleach Pen. That's right, her bravery took her to concocting mixtures of all the stain fighters onto one garment.
The laundry took hours in my home. After talking to the clothes and throwing them in the washer (and after watching the beginning of the wash cycle swish and swirl through the front loading machine’s glass door-something that always thrilled her) my mother would hover over the machine, waiting for the "Laundry Complete" buzzer to sound. The magical glass door was thrown open and the clothes were up for inspection. Nothing could hide from my mom's watchful, stain fighting sight and the muttering, spraying, smudging and daubing began again. My mom refused to allow a stain to get the better of her and was known to wash my sister's shirts 3 or 4 times until the stain finally gave up. To quote her often heard phrase, "You picked a fight with the wrong mommy."
Now, 26 years later, I mutter at my own clothes and while my apartment washroom doesn’t give me the privacy my mom’s garage did, I too find myself sticking around for the magical beginning of the wash cycle through the glass door.
-Nathan Alexander Zabrosky, Age 28
She didn't do laundry very often. There never was a "Laundry Day" in our house, just a "Hey Mom, I'm All Out of Clothes Day."
So my mom would park herself, bowing in front of the gleaming white washer (she had an odd need to keep it sparkling clean) and talk to the clothes. She would groan at the stains that slipped by and sweet talk the marks on a favorite shirt. All done over the sounds of a pumping spray bottle.
As much as she believed in God, Jesus Christ and the TV show "Friends" to make her laugh, she also believed in the power of stain removers. My mom never stuck to one kind either. She brand hopped and consistency jumped in the attempt to eradicate stains from the lives of her family. Although she was most partial to a subtle mix of the Shout Gel, Spray-n-Wash and a daub of the Clorox Bleach Pen. That's right, her bravery took her to concocting mixtures of all the stain fighters onto one garment.
The laundry took hours in my home. After talking to the clothes and throwing them in the washer (and after watching the beginning of the wash cycle swish and swirl through the front loading machine’s glass door-something that always thrilled her) my mother would hover over the machine, waiting for the "Laundry Complete" buzzer to sound. The magical glass door was thrown open and the clothes were up for inspection. Nothing could hide from my mom's watchful, stain fighting sight and the muttering, spraying, smudging and daubing began again. My mom refused to allow a stain to get the better of her and was known to wash my sister's shirts 3 or 4 times until the stain finally gave up. To quote her often heard phrase, "You picked a fight with the wrong mommy."
Now, 26 years later, I mutter at my own clothes and while my apartment washroom doesn’t give me the privacy my mom’s garage did, I too find myself sticking around for the magical beginning of the wash cycle through the glass door.
-Nathan Alexander Zabrosky, Age 28
Friday, March 17, 2006
Flip. Flip. Flip. Uh Oh. (From the Archives)
Before I started blogging, I used to send all my stories via e-mail. Some of them were funny, some were emotional and touching but they all were sent to the people I cared most about.
I started digging in the archives and decided to bring out some of my funniest and most memorable experiences over the next couple of days. For those of you who have read them before, I hope you laugh and cry like you did when they were new. And for those of you new to these stories, I hope you enjoy them.
This one is probably my favorite all time Nate the Great story...from Wednesday, April 14, 2004
So last night I was getting ready to get Act One. This was special because I was bringing one Nate the Great with me. I needed to pack his bag with his cup, toys, and PJ's. I also had to call Carol about something. I grabbed the phone and dialed while I stepped out in the garage to get clean PJ's from the dryer. Chatted with her husband for a bit and right when Carol got on the phone, I placed my hand on the doorknob to go back inside.
"Hello?"
"Oh my gosh, I am locked out of my house."
I didn't yell it, it was a statement of disbelief and yet total belief as my mind flashed a picture of Nathan earlier this week discovering the little tabs on doorknobs. Oh look Mommy, you can flip them and flip them back. Flip. Flip. Flip.
I had been "flipped" out of my house. Daddy isn't home. I am in the garage. I can at least try the front door.
Locked. Darn us for being so responsible!
I stood at the front door trying to see through the LOCKED security screen. I hear kitchen cabinets opening and closing. "Nathan, that's not your cabinet!" I yelled in there. I pictures glassware being pulled from the shelves. It is then that my helpful friend Carol (who I am still on the phone with since this was such an amusing and entertaining event) tells me the story of when her twin girls locked her out of the house on purpose and went to the fridge and got out the CHOCOLATE CAKE. "That's not your cabinet, Nate!"
I go back and forth between the garage and front door, trying the doorknob in case he'd "unflipped" the lock. Nope. Peering through the screen so he knew I was there, I would give him reassuring words, "Don't worry baby boy, Mamma's right here." I was very concerned that he might freak out if he didn't see me after a while. Yeah, he didn't care.
I resigned myself to just waiting for David to get home from work so he might either have a key or come up with a brilliant entry plan. I wondered what my neighbors thought. I laughed at the story and immediately thought that I had to call everyone I knew how hilarious my son is. I also wondered if I should go to Target or Wal-Mart for those doorknob covers.
I decided Target, because I always love and excuse to go-wait a minute! The back door, the sliding glass door is open! I remembered that because I had GONE to Wal-Mart earlier and forgot to close it (we may be responsible but we aren't TOO responsible!) Now, how to get in. The latch to the gate is in the inside to that people can't walk in off the street and enter your house from the backyard. (Brilliant thinking.) I had to get creative. I saw one of my bigger and musclier neighbors and thought about asking him to jump over or hoist me up or something but it was then that I spied David's work ladder in the garage. Easy, set it up, climbed up, opened the gate, I was in!
"Nathan, I am back! Mommy is inside!"
I received the equivalent of a toddlers, "Oh. Hi."
David walked in the door only seconds later.
He agreed that we would go to Target as well.
I started digging in the archives and decided to bring out some of my funniest and most memorable experiences over the next couple of days. For those of you who have read them before, I hope you laugh and cry like you did when they were new. And for those of you new to these stories, I hope you enjoy them.
This one is probably my favorite all time Nate the Great story...from Wednesday, April 14, 2004
So last night I was getting ready to get Act One. This was special because I was bringing one Nate the Great with me. I needed to pack his bag with his cup, toys, and PJ's. I also had to call Carol about something. I grabbed the phone and dialed while I stepped out in the garage to get clean PJ's from the dryer. Chatted with her husband for a bit and right when Carol got on the phone, I placed my hand on the doorknob to go back inside.
"Hello?"
"Oh my gosh, I am locked out of my house."
I didn't yell it, it was a statement of disbelief and yet total belief as my mind flashed a picture of Nathan earlier this week discovering the little tabs on doorknobs. Oh look Mommy, you can flip them and flip them back. Flip. Flip. Flip.
I had been "flipped" out of my house. Daddy isn't home. I am in the garage. I can at least try the front door.
Locked. Darn us for being so responsible!
I stood at the front door trying to see through the LOCKED security screen. I hear kitchen cabinets opening and closing. "Nathan, that's not your cabinet!" I yelled in there. I pictures glassware being pulled from the shelves. It is then that my helpful friend Carol (who I am still on the phone with since this was such an amusing and entertaining event) tells me the story of when her twin girls locked her out of the house on purpose and went to the fridge and got out the CHOCOLATE CAKE. "That's not your cabinet, Nate!"
I go back and forth between the garage and front door, trying the doorknob in case he'd "unflipped" the lock. Nope. Peering through the screen so he knew I was there, I would give him reassuring words, "Don't worry baby boy, Mamma's right here." I was very concerned that he might freak out if he didn't see me after a while. Yeah, he didn't care.
I resigned myself to just waiting for David to get home from work so he might either have a key or come up with a brilliant entry plan. I wondered what my neighbors thought. I laughed at the story and immediately thought that I had to call everyone I knew how hilarious my son is. I also wondered if I should go to Target or Wal-Mart for those doorknob covers.
I decided Target, because I always love and excuse to go-wait a minute! The back door, the sliding glass door is open! I remembered that because I had GONE to Wal-Mart earlier and forgot to close it (we may be responsible but we aren't TOO responsible!) Now, how to get in. The latch to the gate is in the inside to that people can't walk in off the street and enter your house from the backyard. (Brilliant thinking.) I had to get creative. I saw one of my bigger and musclier neighbors and thought about asking him to jump over or hoist me up or something but it was then that I spied David's work ladder in the garage. Easy, set it up, climbed up, opened the gate, I was in!
"Nathan, I am back! Mommy is inside!"
I received the equivalent of a toddlers, "Oh. Hi."
David walked in the door only seconds later.
He agreed that we would go to Target as well.
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