Thursday, March 23, 2006

My Life Has Felt Like an Epilogue

"Ever since Walt died, my life has felt like an epilogue."
T.S. Garp "The World According to Garp"

I am currently toward the end of the book that this quote is taken from and it has been a journey to read. Before you go away-this blog is not a book review. Instead, it is a LIFE review.

We all have moments in life that change us. It could be a bad hair style on the wrong day to some thing like a family member dying. I myself have experienced many life changing events. My parents had an awful and very public crisis and consequential split, I had a very dear and wonderful uncle pass away unexpectedly, the very odd and still not understood split of my husband's parents, the process of helping rebuild a church I love so much while in the wake of destruction my own father helped cause. There are a few of mine that I could use in the quote from above...

"Ever since my parent's split, my life has felt like an epilogue."
B. J. Zabrosky, October 1998


"Ever since Uncle Jim died, my life has felt like an epilogue."
Bethany J. Zabrosky, Every March 3 of Every Year to Follow From Now Until Forever

However, despite these circumstances I have avoided the epilogue lifestyle. Instead I have picked up, moved on, and started a new chapter with Vista Grande Church. Started a new BOOK by having Nate the Great and Lucy Joy and even had to learn a new language as relationships rebuild from divorce.

You who are currently reading this and following this late evening train of thought, may I encourage you to participate in this exercise? Take your life changing event. The one that pops up in your mind each day. The one that is stopping you from moving on with your life. The one that can grip you with such fear that even your strongest of wills finds itself immovable and fill in the blank.

"Ever since ______________________, my life has felt like an epilogue."
You, Today and Right Now

Face it! Accept it! Look at it and stare at it. If you think have a moment in your life that you can put here than you need to realize it right now. Your life HAS become an epilogue. A moment of time has taken away all your future moments and captured your permanent attention. That's it. You are done. You will forever view life through that experience, that time of anguish. Say it out loud if you need to. It hurts. Let it hurt and allow it to leave your body with each exhale you take.

Can invite you to take another deep breath? Because I feel I might have some hope for you.

I have a Friend. A God who Reigns my Life. Who is Knower of All Things Good and Bad. And, what's more important, who is Knower of All Things Good and Bad IN MY LIFE. He has been called the Great Author for it is He who writes our beginnings and our ends and...our epilogues.

Who it is that can complete the Book of Anguish you filled in the blank with? My God.

Who has a fresh page, a brand new chapter for you to begin a whole new beginning? My God.

Who is it that loves you so much that He is begging you to ask Him to help you? Your God.

I say Your God because, frankly, most of you know of Whom I speak. Most of my blog readers are Christians who walk daily with the Lord Jesus, who call upon the Holy Spirit and who rely on their Heavenly Father for the things they need.


I also know that most of my blog readers have something to fill in the blank with. I know many of them so intimately that I could fill in the blank FOR them. But that is not my job.

My friends, God is begging (and I am begging) for you to take your Moments, your Disasters, your Life-Changing-Epilogue-Creating Times and hand them to Him. Find the strength, the courage to remove yourself from the book of your life that you are currently writing and start a new book. One of Hope for the Future, one with greater strength than before.

I started this posting as a way of commenting that I don't WANT to be like T.S. Garp and look at my life as an epilogue. I planned on talking of people I know who have been able to accomplish that. For example: While I lost an uncle, my aunt lost a husband. One who was the rock of his family and while she mourns his loss and acknowledges his absence from her everyday life, she picked herself up and married an amazing guy. One who was NOT my uncle but who LOVES her and together they are conquering the world airport by airport on all their adventures. THAT is a fine example of ending an epilogue.

But as I began writing, I felt the urging to do more than comment on the quote. I felt I needed to challenge someone out there to follow my aunt, follow me and others and begin that new chapter of life with God as the author. I felt so strongly that I cannot type fast enough, I am not concerned about my grammar or consistent metaphors because if this urging is from God, than He will have the Holy Spirit interpret my writings into an amazing spiritual revival for someone.

And so, dear reader...dear sister...dear friend...or total stranger. I invite you to join my exercise and I will be praying that your outcome can be nothing like the sad character of T.S. Garp's. I wish you Hope.

"Ever since ____________, my life has felt like an epilogue."

1 comment:

  1. thankyou so much...this is just what I needed to read.