Dude! What is going ON? Have you forgotten who you ARE?
You run with a crowd of illustrious brand names! Like Band-Aid to adhesive bandages, Coke to Cola, Keds to canvas white tennis shoes with no arch support, you are this to the world of plastic wrap. Kleenex has nothing on you in their facial tissue catagory. Ziploc only wishes it had the hold on plastic resealable sandwich bags like you have in the family of cling wrap.
I have an expectation of epic greatness when I go to use you. The heavens should open up when I pull the cardboard tab to open your brand new box and angels should sing about your amazing ability to create an airtight seal on whatever you touch.
Instead, what do I get? I get a blade on your box that can't cut you. (You are PLASTIC WRAP, not Kevlar Wrap! Kevlar-another great brand name for fabric that renders your body bulletproof.) I have you balling up into yourself and barely clinging at all! I am trying to wrap a homemade lasagna using my own specialized combination of plastic wrap and alluminum foil. (There really isn't a brand name associated with aluminum foil and do you know why? Because aluminum is just too much fun to say.) You are not making this possible Saran Wrap!
I hate to say this but I am breaking up with you and going back to my childhood sweetheart: Glad Cling Wrap. I took years of faithfulness and tossed them aside for your fancy Brand Name. I can only hope that Glad will take me back. I might have to buy 5 rolls to show my renewed committment but it will be worth it.
I'm sorry it had to come to this, Saran Wrap. I have needs you cannot fulfill. Maybe you should take some time and just focus on yourself before you enter another relationship. I really do wish you the best.