Pass the Secret Please.

I had to cold call some people today with the new job I have.

3 voice mails and 1 live person later I broke out in a flop sweat the minute I heard a live voice.

Now I have to go take a shower.

And I Never Gave Him a Kiss.

Bob Barker taped his last episode of "The Price is Right" today.
From what I read, it was a very special moment and he even took time to say some kind words to his last audience.

His last episode will air on June 15--you won't want to miss it.

I was one of many in my generation who always loved the guy on sick days home from school and then once he gave a serious beatdown to Happy Gilmore, I loved him even more. (Clip rated PG-13.)

As life went on and I got married and became a Very Serious Adult, my morning television watching fell to a minimum. However, once I had Nate the Great, I needed something to break up the Blues Clues haze I found myself occupying.

There it was, almost as if created for toddlers who love "A NEEEEW CAAAAAARRR!" All you'd have to do was turn it on and that sweet pickle shaped toddler body would jump around and dance and yell "Winner, Winner, Winner!" each time someone won. It would make his day!

When I was younger, my favorite game was the Check Game. But it was mostly because I thought writing checks was the COOLEST thing ever. (OK, fine, I still love to write checks.)

Currently, I am a fan of Plinko but since that doesn't count because EVERYone loves Plinko, I am going to say my favorite pricing game would have to be the Clock Game. Especially after Barney's recent appearance. The man knows how to play the game. (HIMYM Fans? Anyone?)

I have to state, for the record that I really really miss Rod Roddy announcing. But the new guy is OK. But I will NOT stand for the new person writing the SLOPPY SLOPPY NAME TAGS! Even if I had a picture of the shoddily written tags, I wouldn't post it. I will just say that to your right is what they SHOULD look like, OK?

I am very glad we got that cleared up.

So lets have a discussion.
Favorite Price is Right pricing game?

(If you can't remember the name of your favorite, click here for a complete list.)

Reason #472 To Stay Alive

Because if I die, THIS is what my kids will look like.

Bewildered, disheveled, inexplicably puffy and holding snowman tissues.
You gotta love it when Daddy is in charge. I also found out that he gave them Pop Tarts for breakfast. No wonder they didn't want me to come home!

In other news, I had a TON of fun this weekend with my girls. We laughed...a LOT. A WHOLE lot. And often it was in public and invited the stares of strangers to which we say: Bring it. Stare Away. You just wish you were us.

The road part was a ton of fun too. Carol and I listened to the music real loud, had the sunroof open and loved the feeling of the fresh air and wind swirling around in the car-WHAT. IS. THAT. SMELL!?

Let me look through my pictures to share. Hmmmm, not that one. Nope, that one is me mooning Liz via camera phone. That one has too much damning evidence in it. I guess I can show you this one. Its of me. And I am laughing. Emmy might recognize the laugh, she has a similar picture of me.

Oh! Here's another one I can show you...on the way home, at one of the border checkpoints we had this on our windshield...

See all the little spots? They are bugs. And right before I had to flash my pearly whites at the adorable Border Patrol men these bugs splatted on my windshield with such a force, it sounded like it was raining. And not even my extra strength, extra smelly windshield cleaner could get it off. Except for a little spot slightly to the right of where I could see so I if I drove while tilting to the right, I could see clearly. I bet the border patrol guys thought I was REALLY hot then!

We had some good tunes for the road and Carol even let me break out a little N*Sync (That's what I said!) for some serious car seat bootie shaking.

Because it's Friday night and I just (just, just, just, juuuuust) got PAID!

From the 8 East to the 60 East...See You Soon Friend!

Today I hit the road!

Carol and I are taking the Sequoia on the open road and making our way to see Liz in Arizona. We are leaving kids, hubbys, houses, laundry and dishes behind. But we will NOT be foregtting the Cheez-its, Diet Coke, iPod or lip gloss.

I should punctuate all of that with: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Somewhere in Utah Dooce is crying.) But that would just be a little too obnoxious, don't you think???????

The three of us haven't been together in over a year, probably two! And when Carol suggested the road trip, I was ALL IN!

You see, when the three of us get together, usually one (or all) of these things happen:

-We compile a $4.25 bill at Denny's over a 6 hour period.

-We are on stage, forgetting lines, making people and ourselves laugh.

-We have laughed so hard that I have had to take multiple hits off my inhaler (a sure sign I am having a good time)

-We end up looking like this.

or this

or this

Who knows, I might have even more pictures after this weekend!

And this is my last Anniversary Blog for this year. I welcome another year of blogging with a new banner and the hopes that you all will stick with me for another year of stories and adventures! (Even if it means moving to a new blog location...here I come Susie!)

The One Celebrating My Blog-tastic-a-versary

Ten of my Favorite Posts Over the Last Two Years
(in no particular order)

Can you guess which ones they are?


The One Where My Son is in U2

The One That Made My Friends Laugh (And Think I Might Be a Little Crazy)

The One About the Future

The One With All the Reflection

The One With My Odd-But Terribly Sexy-Husband

The One That Was the Most Embarassing

The One With All the Cups

The One Where I Believe

The One With All The 007

The One With a Naked Friend

And the whole "The One Where..." or "The One Who..." titles are borrowed from what TV Show I love?? C'mon, this is an EASY one!

Generations

I called my grandma on the phone today.

Its something I don't usually do, but I needed to tell her something and I really wanted to hear her voice.

I am not super close with my grandmother. I kind of have some issues with her...nothing that needs a heart to heart sit down but I certainly let it get in the way of my relationship of her and therefore my contact with her is at a minimum.

Today, my heart was tugged, pulled in one way and another and then changed just a little bit. I sat down and tried to offer the best comfort I could for my friend who lost her beloved grandmother today. She felt so very sad, so lonely for a woman she called once a week. She told me her grandmother would laugh because my friend would say she needed her "grandma fix."

And then I read my friends blog. A beautiful writing in honor of a woman she knew so well and missed long before her grandmother's passing because of the miles and miles between them.

When I called my grandmother today, it was very nice. We chatted, exchanged stories, the kids told her some stories that needed a bit of translation from Toddler Speak. Right before we hung up, I told my grandmother that I would be calling her again soon and that i didn't know why I hadn't made it a habit sooner.

I would love for your heart to be warmed by the beautiful words my friend Lyrra wrote. She was gracious enough to allow me to share it with all of you. Simply click here and if it touched you, leave her a comment telling her so.

Over the last 7 months, 3 close friends have lost their grandmothers. One of which I was close to and I loved very very much. Our time on this earth is fleeting and leaves us only a short time to do our most important work, to make our most important decisions.

I want to make my moments count.

Beware Opera Singing Rabbits

Why does this make me laugh so hard?

 

If you watched that and didn't laugh, then you are watching it wrong.

Empty Nest Syndrome

I remember seeing the two of them in our backyard a lot. They seemed VERY interested in the green hanging planter and I pinned all my hopes of a nest on making sure they wanted to come back. I put birdseed in the planter and scattered it in the backyard.

And so, at the beginning of April, the birds moved in.

They built their nest and I tried to help by placing pieces of yarn and string around on the lattice so their nest would have some beautiful bright colors in it and then I could feel like I helped with the beginning of this family. (And making it obvious to all of my readers that I really can't leave well enough alone.)

We kept an eye on things and only a few days later, eggs! Our Mourning Doves were a Mommy and Daddy Bird now!

We watched that hanging planter every moment we were in our kitchen. We tiptoed in the backyard, we took pictures from a distance began the 2 week countdown till we had babies in our backyard.

It was very early on a Sunday morning when I was leaving for church when it looked like the Mama Bird was sitting differently on the nest. I couldn't tell what was going on but left a note for David to try to peek in if Mama moved.

When we finally got to peek in, our breath was taken away...beautiful, tiny, no longer than 2 inches. Eyes sealed shut and moving very little but they had each other. And they had us to watch. And they had a VERY nervous mother watching us from a nearby tree branch.

We took pictures every day. We watched these two birds grow over the next few weeks in amazement of how from one day to the next they might look exactly the same and then two days later, they look like totally different birds.

One day old.

Six days old.

*Insert Crazy Lady Messing With Mother Nature Story Here*

One week old.

Ten days old.

There was less and less room in the nest. The Mama bird had long been kicked out not unlike when a Toddler has made himself at home in Mommy and Daddy's bed. We could tell the birds were getting ready to fly. They would spend all day stretching their wings and looking around. And it seemed the mom and dad were taking short flights from the planter to the fence and back or from the barbecue to the ground. We came home from running errands one day and didn't see babies in their nest but instead on David's barbecue. You can also mark this as the day that David decided to buy new BBQ tongs.

The next week was like a game of hide and seek. The baby birds were hardly ever in their nest and could be seen on the kids' playhouse, in the "grass" or on the barbecue. We didn't go out in the backyard for fear of scaring the birds and also because you REALLY had to be careful where you stepped or you'd bring a little piece of the birds back inside the house with you.

One day we couldn't find them. I looked all over and in all the small spots they could have squeezed but no baby birds anywhere. We had a long (well kind of long) talk with the kids about how baby birds fly away and ours had gone off to be big boy and big girl birds somewhere else. As the Mama and Daddy birds hung out in the backyard, even they seemed like they couldn't find their babies.

The next morning, the babies were back in the yard. And we think they got busted for breaking curfew because they stayed in the backyard the whole day. Daddy Bird did too.

After about 2 weeks of nurturing, observing and poop-dodging, we went on vacation. The baby birds seemed to only sleep in the yard and Mama and Daddy were not around a whole lot either. We knew that when we got home, everyone would be gone.

The green hanging planter is outside my kitchen window and I find that every time I wash my hands, do the dishes, walk outside to the garage, I look to check on the babies but they aren't there. I can see the sticks from their nest and on occasion I find their feathers in the kids' playhouse. And I miss them. A lot. The little burst of life that caught the attention of my whole family has left to possibly bring the same sort of joy to another family.

I just hope that family doesn't leave their barbecue tongs out.

95 Degrees With a Chance of Snow

Dear Weather,

WHAT are you trying to DO to me?

Monday, I thought to myself, "Hey, it's May, I can dress the kids in shorts, summer dresses and sandals." Four hours later I found myself in front of Price Club in 60-something degree winds with a sobbing 4 year old who was VERY upset that I did NOT have a jacket for him. He didn't want to walk to the car because it would make him cold. He didn't want to stand still because it would make him cold. And the only thing in my cart for the upset child to huddle up with was two gallons of milk and 5 pounds of cheese.

Tuesday, with the warehouse store calamity fresh on my mind and the stares of strangers still penetrating the back of my skull, I dressed my temperature sensitive child for school. Short sleeved shirt, yes. But also: long pants. And shoes. And socks. Well, thanks a FREAKING LOT weather, you decided to warm up! So when I picked up my son who is just trying to survive Lunch Bunch at preschool, his cheeks were BLAZING red from the heat and he was NOT happy that I didn't let him wear his shorts.

Now on Wednesday, I looked outside: The ground was wet. It was even still raining a little bit. Ah-ha! I will NOT be foiled by you again, Weather! Short sleeves. Long pants. Flip Flops. Oh yeah, just TRY to pull one over on me THIS time. Yeah. I gotcha good.......Real good........Yup........Uh huh. Wait a minute, Nathan's coming inside from riding his bike. He is on FIRE! His head is a damp mess of sweat and sunscreen. He is begging me for some water.

DARN YOU WEATHER!!

Ok then, I am waving the while flag. I will not only dress my children in short sleeved shirts and sundresses but I will also keep parkas and jeans on hand for when you decide to change you mind again.

Humbly Yours,
Me

PS: Are you doing this because I have not been faithful in posting every day like I promised?

I Think My Alarm Clock is Broken

Every night I set it. I beg it to not wake me up early. I do everything in my power to convince my alarm clock to wake me up with the right amount of time to do stuff but not before I have gotten the just right amount of sleep. I promise it all kinds of wonderful things. And I'd follow through too!

But every morning, without fail, my alarm clock wakes me up early. Sometimes it will gently ease me awake, leaving me with the feeling of soft kisses on my arm.

And then other days, Nathan just hits me.

I have warned my Alarm Clock that if he doesn't cut it out soon, I am going to take him back and exchange him for a different model. The only reply I get to that is, "Mommy, you are so silly."

The One With Eternity...

I am extremely pleased to introduce you to
one of the newest members of the Family of God...

Our church had Baptism by the Bay today and Nathan was shocked seeing the people go in the water with their clothes on. "That's not okay, Mommy." I explained to him that this was a very special case and told him a little bit about baptism.

Later, while I was getting my shoulders rubbed by my friend, Nathan came over to me and said he wanted to be baptized int he water with his clothes on. I told him that if he wanted to do that, he would have to pray a prayer to ask Jesus into his heart. We talked about why we do that and talked through what Jesus did for us so we can live forever with him. I asked Nathan, "Do you want to pray that prayer?" And he said yes. We prayed together and by the time I was done praying with him, a small group of our friends were standing around listening. It was special to share such a cool moment with all of them.

After we were done, I asked Nathan how his heart felt. He said it felt good and I told him it was because JESUS was living inside his heart now! And he said, "I want to get baptized right now!" I stopped him and said we'd talk more about it later. That probably next summer we would get baptized.

We walked around and told many of our friends who were so excited for Nathan (and for David and me too.) Nathan shied away from some of the attention-he wasn't sure what to do with it. But undoubtably, the excitement and joy he received from the friends and grown ups he knows and loves, helps him realize how important it was and I know that today is one that will last in my memory forever.

Because I'm the Mom, I'm the Mom, I'm the Mom

Thanks to my Mom for sending this to me!

Heading Off to the Land of Nod (The Dream Place, Not the Adorable Kid's Furniture Catalog)

Sleepy.
Tired.
Achy-but not sick.
Externally Tea-logged (more on that later)
Shocked by Grey's Anatomy


I hear my clean cozy sheets calling my name.
Good night Dear Blog Readers.

Get Off My Lawn You Young Whipper Snappers!

My poor parents.
They worked so hard, for almost all of my life to keep me away from television. It was closely monitored and only on for long stretches if we were sick or for the occasional Saturday morning.

What we DID watch was either fun and clean kids' shows: Smurfs, Pee Wee's Playhouse, Gummi Bears m(bouncing here and there and everywhere) or we were schooled in the classics like CHiPS, Emergency Room and Green Acres during the day. And then we had a lot of videos-meticulously categorized by my father. Because if your VHS Tapes are not in order, than your whole LIFE must be in chaos! :)

As we grew up, we were allowed to watch a little more TV in the evenings. We were big fans of Wheel of Fortune, and every Thursday night we watched the Cosby Show and if we were extra good, we could stay up for A Different World. And I love me some Dwayne Wayne.

I remember a little black and white portable TV that Kristy and I would drag from the den into our room. You had to get the rabbit ears just right to get one of the local Los Angeles UHF channels (those are the channels in the high numbers for those of you who haven't ever lived without cable) or, if the ears weren't working you had to actually hold the antenna stub where the original antenna had broken off long ago.

Fast forward 12 years or so and I have my own house, if you can call 600 square feet of space a house, and I am living with my new husband, raised in a similar fashion as I was except he had whole YEARS that went by where there was no TV in the house at all. But as our own persons, grown up married people, we flock to our television. It is on, all the time, and we love it.

When Nathan is born and we bring him home from the hospital, the TV was on for 2 straight weeks as I fed round the clock. I find myself building friendships through mutually viewed television programs alone. And 1 TV show in particular becomes such a hands down favorite that my children will now have to endure my comments for the rest of their lives: "That's a funny show but it isn’t as good as my ‘Friends.’ Remember that one where Monica and Rachel had to switch apartments with Joey and Chandler?” Television has changed my life in a way my parents probably never would have expected.

Growing up, we were family friends with an older couple who had a cool garden in their backyard (watermelons and tomatoes and everything!) Once when we were at their house, the husband was muting the television. I was probably watching it with him, since it was on and the glowing box will almost always make me stop in my tracks, and I could NOT figure out what he was doing! I asked him and he told me he didn’t like listening to the commercials. WHAT?! My 10 or 11 year old brain could NOT figure that out. It was one of those times I remember thinking so very specifically: I will NEVER do that when I am old.

Well, it’s official folks.
I am old.
AND
I am a liar.

See you all at Denny’s tomorrow around 4 for dinner, OK?

The One Where I...Well, You'll See.

Far be it for me to allow the myth of my constant state of poise and grace to continue, I now present:

Bethany's Most Embarrassing Moment

(I know, you are thinking that the last few posts of horrible poetry should be the story but I can actually even beat THAT!)

I had European History with Mr. Stahnke, a man who looked kind of like Sean Connery and had an odd obsession with Star Trek: The Next Generation. Or at least I know he had a stand up cardboard cutout of one of the characters in the classroom sometimes.

I'd had Mr. Stahnke for US History and I actually did like him. He was good teacher, made things interesting and made us watch Rick Steves videos which can be classified as the best piece of Campy Public Television EVER.

However, regardless of how much I really did LIKE his class, it was almost always trumped by the fact that I HATE studying. I really stink at it and I can't ever remember anything AND I had a cutie cutie blonde guy that was hanging around my house that I would rather spend time with.

During a Rick Steves video on how to talk European locals into inviting you and an entire camera crew in your house and eating all of your weird European food, I was zoning in and out. The girl who sat behind me in class liked to play with my long hair during the videos and it almost always sent me to sleep. I did my best to stay awake.

Once the video was over, Mr. Stahnke finished up his lecture I sat up to pay attention (read: wonder what color shirt David was wearing that day.) While listening (daydreaming) and taking notes (drawing hearts all over my History book cover) I was also indulging in my most recent learned and totally weird behavior: flipping my retainer over and over while inside my mouth. I don't know how or WHY I started such a disgusting thing. Especially since I am “weird” about mouths. But no matter, the habit continued this day.

Flip….flip….David…..flip…flip….Normandy…flip…flip…blue eyes…flip…flip…flip…urk.

The retainer had slipped in my mouth.
And swiveled to one side.
And slipped partially down my throat.
And the back hook of the retainer, in an attempt to retrieve it while sitting in the middle of a classroom full of my friends, had pierced my tonsil and was not budging.

I did not panic.

Actually, I really didn’t.
I sat and waited patiently for class to end with my head tipped slightly up and my mouth quickly filling with saliva.
Man he is talking a long time today.
Will this be over soon?
I can’t believe this is happening.

Class was over, the bell rang and I s-l-o-w-l-y packed my backpack. I waited for everyone to leave and I walked up to my teacher and plainly stated:

“Ister Anke, I alloed eye eainer.”
(Translation: “Mister Stahnke, I swallowed my retainer.”)

“What?”

“I alloed eye ee-a-iner.”

“Oh my GOSH!”

Mister Stahnke grabbed my arm and hustled me quickly toward the office. Through the teacher’s entrance (!!) and he kept asking me, “Can you breathe? Are you OK?” But I wasn’t really in the best position to answer.

The nurse didn’t know what to do with me but she sent me into the bathroom to see if I could retrieve the offensive retainer from my VERY offended mouth. I won’t go into the gross details but they involved blood, saliva and a lot of talking through the door with the nurse when she finally decided to call my mom. My mom then called my orthodontist (giving a shout out to Dr. Okmin!!) and when I sat in the chair with my orthodontist and almost all his staff peering down my throat he said, “In my 30 years of orthodontia, I have never seen ANYTHING like this."

It is always nice to be noticed.

Mommy's Day

The day I became a Mommy...

I remember wondering WHY the people in the hospital thought it was OK for ME to leave the hospital WITH A BABY! Hello! I am walking out the doors with him! Now I am loading him up in the car. I'm leaving, I won't ever come back...this is OK?? And then we got home, and stared at him. For hours. And I loved it.



The day I became a Mommy again...


When I looked at her, she brought about such mixed emotions. My special time with just Nathan had slipped away in an instant and yet I held such possibilities in my arms. I never would have known how this new life would grab hold of my heart and never let go. And I wouldn't have it any other way.



And this represents the day that God would take me as a Mommy and strech me in directions I never imagined, even if only for a short time...






I am so blessed.

Because, Apparently, I Enjoy Walking For 3 Days

I signed up again.
I knew Amy would wear me down eventually.

Why am I doing it?


Because I want to feel this again....


And I want to see this again....


And I want another picture like this...


But this time, do you want to be in it with us?
Our team is recruiting members now! Join us, it's not too late!!

1000 Words are Not Enough

I have no words today...

Introducing the Holcomb Family of 3

He's Got the Whole World in His Hands

I was talking with a friend of mine and she was saying how she is tired of whining and complaining about the things going on in her life. (And she has every right to whine and complain, if you ask me.) And it made me think about how sometimes we get so caught up in our daily lives, we need to step outside of ourselves and look at the world around us. The big picture.

Today is an amazing and special day in the lives of two of my friends. For today, is Gotcha Day for them. After years of waiting, months and months of planning, miles of flying and even more days of waiting, my friends Russell and Lisa Holcomb have added Jenna to their family.

They flew to China, with Grandma Bonnie in tow and now, all of us here in the states wait in eager anticipation to see the picture of this family of two becoming a family of three.

I have never known hearts like those of Lisa and Russell. They are dedicated friends, seek the Lord and His guidance in all situations and are very happy people. I have the privilege to sing with Russell on the Worship Team and every Monday we laugh and laugh and laugh and suddenly the day's cares and woes disappear by the end of rehearsal. Lisa and her heart are so dear to me: I was in a Bible study with her once that required us to all be quite candid with each other and I remember sitting there amazed as she shared things close to her heart as well as demonstrated an amazing knowledge of the Bible and the Heart of God.

Now these hearts that the Lord has been preparing for the 10+ years of their marriage are now stretching to accommodate sweet Jenna. When they began telling their friends about their plans to adopt, we all loved Jenna already-even though she hadn't even been born! We all knew that God was going to be making this adored child extra special for our friends.

So when you read this, pray for Gotcha Day. Thank God that the day is here and pray that Lisa and Russell will remember every moment, every second, every wrinkle of a smile and every bend of a dimpled knee. She is coming home to a giant family of people who love her more than most babies ever get to experience.

The world outside our own problems, frustrations of the day and tiresome situations is filled with hope today. Can you hear the growth of a family miles and miles away from here? I do. And it makes me smile.

Adjective Me

I started my day off with my son telling me that I looked RESPLENDENT.

It's hard to have a bad day after hearing that