Deaaaaaaad Meeen Teeeeeelll Noooooo Taaaaaales

Michelle: You didn’t dump your grandmother’s ashes on Pirates of Caribbean when you were there last week, did you?

Me: No-ha!

Michelle: I could just imagine you…

Me: With a Ziploc bag with a hole in the corner trailing along the outside of the boat I’m riding in?

Michelle: I think I want to be buried in a flower pot next to the Teacups because I like the music.

Me: I love how Disneyland said that this isn't a problem that they deal with but you so know it is. Some guy waits for the very last run of the Matterhorn of the night, sits in the back and next thing you know, a fine dust is falling all over the park.

Michelle: Oh totally.

Me: Well, I didn’t do it this time. But when I heard the news story last night, I turned to David and said, “Indiana Jones.”

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, It's the Middle of November. Gimmie a Break

I know Thanksgiving is next week. I am fully aware that this specific post is 2 weeks late. But since this isn't an Early Christmas post, I am hoping the Purists will cut me a little slack.

Besides, I can't keep the cuteness to myself much longer!

Presenting......

Luke Skywalker, Jedi Master and his sister Princess Leia!


The hair is very important to get just right.




And if you trick or treated our house, Princess Leia was more than happy to bestow you with a bag of candy.




Did you know Jedi Master boots are made of duct tape wrapped around ankles?




Nathan was pleased to stay in character for the photo session.




He is a very serious Jedi.




A VERY serious Jedi. Seriously, don't mess with him.




Special Guest Escort this year was none other than our favorite Live-In college student, Alyssa! (Jenelle, you are our favorite NON-Live-In college student.)




Yuppa John and Suzanne hit a couple of houses with us (including the neighbors who had "juice" for both the kids AND the grown ups!) Thankfully, all the grandparents gave non-edible treats this year.




And Mommy demonstrated the fierceness of a Jedi Master to her young Padawan. Notice how, in the background, the neighbors hardly even flinch. They are used to my insanity by now.

The One Where I Sweat...A Lot.

I had my 6 month Baby Cooking doctor's appointment today. And I got to bring a guest. Two of them, actually. Both under the age of 5. (Have you guessed who I am talking about yet?) I decided that instead of dreading it, I would go in armed and ready. (But not until after calling a couple of friends and whining about taking my kids to the doctor's office with me-I am not superwoman.)

I hit Target's Dollar Spot and loaded up with a few Cars Movie items and some Hello Kitty stuff. I was totally ready. Bring it on.

Then I sat down to the laptop to work. Errr, to edit pictures. OK, fine, I was hopping from blog to blog on the NaBloPoMo Randomizer. It was then that Outlook popped the reminder up that not only did I have a doctor's appointment scheduled for today, I also had my glucose tolerance test. Drink the orange swill 1 hour before you get stuck with a needle. I had to do math: My appointment is at 9, I need blood drawn before the appointment, so save 15 minutes for that so I need to be there at 8:45(!) and needed to drink the swill at 7:45(!!) Orange glucose swill-the breakfast of champions.

The kids ate breakfast, were dressed and hair combed in time. Amazing. It is ALWAYS important to make sure you kids are EXTRA good looking when you have to take them to "grown up places." This will buy them a little extra leverage in case they act up a little bit. Comb the boy's hair just like Daddy's. Make sure the girl's curls are extra extra curly. And dressing them up kind of alike? Bonus points. We had fulfilled all of the necessary criteria and were off.

The kids were quiet in the lab. Nathan didn't try and dance moves while in the waiting room and Lucy didn't sneak any viles (full or otherwise) into her purse when they called us back. Nathan's eyes did get as wide as saucers when the needle went in my arm. I watched him very closely but no fainting. And Lucy was too busy charming the man in the chair next to me to care what was happening with Mommy. The nurses adored both kids and showered them with obnoxious Power Ranger and Bratz stickers. Onward and Upward! To the doctor's office to further challenge the limits of my children's obedience!

I don't know what made me forget about this but when I checked in at the desk, they handed me my receipt (my insurance makes me pay a copay for every visit-does that totally stink or what?!) and my sticker and said, "OK, you know what to do with THIS, right?"

Oh yeah. Pee in a cup.
Can't leave the kids in the waiting room alone.
Don't trust them enough to stand outside the door of the bathroom while I take care of business.
OK, everyone in!

"Mommy, what's the cup for?"
"I have to go potty in it, Nathan. Lucy! Don't touch ANYthing!"
"Why Mommy?"
"To be sure that Mommy is healthy and not sick. Lucy Joy! Do NOT touch those cups!"
"What do they do with the potties, Mommy?"
"They take them to a lab and-you know what? Everyone stand right over here in the corner. Hands in your pockets. OK, good."

I did my duty and got to see the giant eyes from the blood lab again:
"Mommy! That's your POTTIES!!!"
Incredible amounts of laughter ensue. As did the questions from both kids:
"Can I see it? Can I see your potties? What do you do with it? Who is going to come and get it? Why is there another cup of potties in that cabinet? Can I see the potties again? Can I close the cabinet door?"

"Hey guys! Did you see the special soap they have here on the wall for us? Everyone get some special soap!" (Hand sanitizer.)

The rest of our wait was very uneventful. It involved my son being quite charming with a young woman and her new baby saying the sweetest things that made me want to just kiss him all over. Our name was called and we went back to the exam room.

"Everyone follow the nurse she's the leader! OK, through the door! Everyone through the-" Oh no.
No.
No.
No.
No.
NOOOOOOOO!!!!!

I look around me.
I see a gown and a drape on the exam table.
I see instruments, jars and other paraphernalia that if I went on to describe, I would lose any of the male readers I happen to have. Especially my dad.

I text David as the nurse left the room: "PELVIC EXAM!!!!!! PELVIC EXAM!!!!!!!!"

I got back: "oh no. i hope the kids are good for you."

Did you notice the difference in punctuation? In capitalization? I have a feeling my husband was having a good long laugh at my expense.

The doctor comes in, is peppered with all kinds of questions from both children. Including Lucy who wanted to see the "special machine" that we were using to hear the baby's heartbeat. I, myself had only 1 question on my mind:

"Um, er, doctor? Uh, I know this is kind of presumptuous but, uhhhhh, is there any, um, chance we can do the pelvic exam, uh, at another appointment? You know, one that I don't have my children with me?" Cue the flop sweat.

The doctor-not my regular, laid back guy but the tight ship running, keeps-talking-to-you-even-when-the-kids-are-also-talking-to-you doctor-tilted her head to one side and gave me an odd look. I wondered if I had spoken to her in Toddler Language instead of normal English. She opened her mouth and said these glorious words, "Oh no, the girls are just efficient and always set the room up with anything we need. We won't need to do an exam like that till you reach 32 weeks."

Cue more flop sweat. But this is the good kind, the kind of relief.
I found myself almost crossing that Line of Inappropriateness once again. What's that about? Can I blame it on hormones?

What Inspires Me to Levels of Great Inappropriateness

The question was posed to me today:

If you had one whole day to yourself, what would you do?


Oh. My. Gosh.
Well, after I stopped crying out of thankfulness and gratitude for whoever SOMEHOW made THAT possible...I would do the following.

I would take myself to breakfast at Mimi's (best muffins ever) where I would read the whole paper front to back, including the classifieds. Then I'd go to a book store and look at every book on the shelf to find the perfect one to read while I got my pedicure. I'd have to put the book down for my facial and massage that was to follow.

I'd lunch around 2 or 3pm, possibly with a girlfriend or two. After that, I might go to the mall and pick up a few impractical things from the MAC counter. Like some green shadow and purple mascara. And I some shoes might catch my eye while walking to the counter through Nordys. And some yummy soaps from William Sonoma. And Crate and Barrel. And since I was walking by C&B, I'd HAVE to stop in Naarjtie to see if they had any cute clothes for my kids which would make me wonder if any of the bedding we have is on sale at Pottery Barn Kids which is right across the way from Papyrus where I would definitely get a new pen. And then I'd go to Coach and drool at purses.

I am going to leave an hour or two open to choose what I want to do just spur of the moment, possibly Balboa Park or finish my book at the beach during sunset. I would then meet up with my sweetie for a late dinner at a nice place in the gaslamp. There would be good food and wine and laughter. We'd go to a movie afterward and then head home to relieve whatever crazy person had been watching my children all day long.

And I would hug that person. And kiss them.
I have a feeling it would cross a line and quickly become completely inappropriate.


what would YOU do with a whole day to yourself?

This Space Intentionally Left Blank

Tomorrow is Monday.
As I thought through the day in my head, it included taking Nathan to school and possibly hitting Wal-Mart with the Goose to see if there were any Cars Movie cars we don't have. The morning would probably end with Lucy and I playing dress up a bit and playing a game of cards. (The card game being where I take the whole deck, and hand her a card, one by one, and once she has all the cards in her hand, she wins!)

It was going to be a typical day.

Until I was talking to Emmy who reminded me: there is no school tomorrow.
If it wasn't for her, I would have been seen at Nathan's school at 8:30 in the morning wondering where everybody was.

I wonder how long I would have sat there waiting for other moms to show up?

In other news...

The "constant tooting" part of my pregnancy has hit it's stride...
...much to the delight of my entire family.

Not Everything is a Sign

I started my day, sitting quietly in my car with my Starbucks (and a donut-it had been an icky morning) and the peace was broken up by a bird crapping on my car.

Twice.

The end of my day started with an amazing dinner with my 2 cousins I haven't seen in years, my sister and Lucy.

And the end continued with a late late night with 3 of my girlfriends...it's still going on. I had to get up off the couch to blog. And I don't want this to ever end.

Thank you God for the nice ending to a "Crappy" Day.

Well....Poop.

I will let you all know that Nathan's hand/fingers are doing much better today. We are down to needing only 1 band aid for his "tall finger" (middle) which he will hold up all on its own for you to look at.
Just try not to laugh.

This morning, I woke up to the realization that for our adventure yesterday, I had used all 4 of the very last pieces of bread (including the heels) to make sandwiches. Therefore, I had no bread for Nathan's lunch at school today. This being the day I gain 1 more child, the extra hour of "two kid-ness" that lunch bunch gives me was a necessity. I decided to compromise my morals-that's right, I said MORALS-and purchase for Nathan a.......gulp.....Lunchable. Ugh. These things have something like 3 times the daily sodium required for a salt block licking cow. Their general nutritional value is almost non-existent. But, the hour was needed. I was desperate.

When we got to school, Nathan saw his friend Caleb in the parking lot. "Hey Caleb!" He called out, in his loudest of voices. "I don't have my lunch bucket today! Mommy bought me a lunch like Sally and Joey* bring. you know, the ones that are bad for your insides!"

Sigh.
And then, in the same breath, best announcer voice possible he continued: "Caleb, see my band aids? I didn't get an owie from falling down. I got it because my Mommy slammed my fingers in the car door in the middle of the night at Disneyland!"

Double Sigh.

Continuing on with the story of my day...

The little kids were eating lunch when the announcement was made by Nick that he had to go poop. He was released and sent on his way. When he called for me about 10 minutes later, in tears, I checked on him. And without going into too much detail, lets just say that almost every inch of toilet seat, stool used to reach said toilet seat and large sections of floor were covered in the poop. He was terrified and had clearly tried to clean up whatever it was had happened in there that I think might involve his adorably short legs and difficulty getting his pants in the proper pooping position. He got a baby wipe bath, Nemo chonies (yay!), and a big snuggle from his B-Anthony.

Only 2 hours passed when Lucy and I were sitting in our chairs and reading books when she all of a sudden stood up and said, "Mommy, I have stinkies in my Thinking Chair."
Huh?
I found myself again in a bathroom (this time the upstairs one) with a slightly embarrassed (and yet slightly delighted at the delay in her fast approaching naptime) child. She also got a baby wipe bath, Princess Pull Up and a snuggle from Mommy.

I was on the phone later with my friend Michelle (mother to 2 very pre-adolecent boys) as we laughed about this story when she said it: "It's when I hear stories like this from you that I am glad I never had the baby I thought I wanted 2-3 years ago."

I am so happy to provide such a service for her.



*=names changed...maybe their family has a severe sodium deficiency and Lunchables are needed to keep them alive?

Leaving the Place With No Magic to visit the Place With All the Magic...And Back Again

The kids and I conquered Disneyland today. I know it is a potentially crazy action when one is 6 months pregnant and waaaay behind in her work. Both house and actual paid.

But today, I needed it. My kids needed it. It has been one of those short tempered, kids can do no right in Mommy's eyes kind of weeks. I had one of these last minute ideas earlier this year and while it involved 1 extra kid and 1 less pregnant woman, the outcome was just as wonderful and amazing.

We hit a bunch of rides right away: knocked down Zurg on Buzz Lightyear's Astro Blasters, rode the ponies on the carousel, remembered how looooong the line is when you want to ride the boats on the Storybook Land ride, looked over all Disneyland on Dumbo's back and remembered just how terrifying the Pinocchio ride is and that there is a reason there is never a line.

We stopped for a snack at the Hungry Bear restaurant (best fries ever), rode through Winnie the Pooh's ride and remembered to pick up Mommy's favorite candy. We rode the train to Tomorrowland, glanced at the line at the new Nemo ride, hit Buzz Lightyear again and ended our day with the Jungle Cruise.

On our way out, as we got on our tram, Nathan was explaining-in great detail-how we were leaving Disneyland and returning to our city. He told me that "Disneyland is just a magic land where your dreams come true. The city we live in is not very magic." I squeezed his hand and wondered why I was so blessed to have such a wonderful day with my babies.



And then I slammed Nathan's fingers in the car door.


Sorry, what's that? Oh yeah, you read that right.
I buckled Lucy in her seat, I closed the door called for Nathan and heard the most terrifying sound I have ever heard in my whole life. His fingers were caught in the hinged side of the door. I had to open the door to get them out. The amazing thing is, despite the screaming and terror I saw in my son's eyes, I was able to stay so clear minded. It reminded me (later upon reflection of the evening's events) of the scene in Seinfeld when Elaine had to drop off an annoying house guest at the airport. "I was going faster than I've ever gone before, and yet, it all seemed to be happening in slow motion. I was seeing three and four moves ahead...I knew I was challenging the very laws of physics."

I had an ice pack on my boy's hand right away-thankful that I'd brought it and that it was still cold. I was holding him, making sure he was breathing and comforting his sister inside the car who was very unsure of what happened, but was very sure it was not good.

That's when I started to lose it just a little. There was a LOT of swelling, even more hysterical 4 year old screaming in a way I had never heard and a surprising lack of people coming to help us considering the volume in which he was screaming. I had to go to my Rock when it comes to medical situations. I called Carol.

After the phone call, I was calmer. We were quite sure that fingers were not broken and we got in the car to come home when Nathan, once again, gave us the beautiful "wrap it up" statement for the evening: "Mommy, this was just a sad ending to a really good day. But our whole day wasn't sad."

Ahhhhh.

Stay tuned tomorrow for a couple of shots from our day today...including the fingers!

The One Where The Office Furniture Doesn't Read My Mind

The office chair that sits at our upstairs computer was uncomfortable. I reached underneath the chair and pulled levers. I found the one that adjusted the tilt of the seat and back a of the chair nd set it the way I thought I'd like.

I was leaning so far back that I could barely reach the keyboard.

I reached under the chair again and grabbed the wrong lever and lowered the chair so low that I could type this blog out with my chin should I decide to try.

(Hmmmm....edujp;ikghsdejmlhgfvdc...that didn't go so well.)

So now my chair is tilted funny, leaning dangerously backward and extremely low to the ground.

I give up.

Gulp.

I was in bed, all snuggled down. Found the perfect position for my ever growing belly to lie in. Letterman was on and Sleep Timer-ed. My water was in place. David was snoring peacefully beside me. All was right with the world.

But wait.

I hadn't blogged yet!
Yikes!

I ran over to the computer and turned it on with only minutes to spare. I made it in time. Phew. I don't want to miss out on another fantastic prize like I got last year for posting every day.

At one point, for your reading pleasure, I had most of a "Ten on Tuesday" post planned but all of that has left my head. In the course of the day today I had great disappointment with my children's behavior, received icky news from a friend about someone who had been terribly dishonest with both of us and I did NOT get to vacuum my downstairs like I'd hoped.

However, my whole day was not sadness. I did have a fun at Act One tonight-the ladies I am directing for the upcoming Christmas Dessert at our church are such a hoot. One of them pronounces "cookies" in the very cutest way ever possible. I got to drive all by myself for a total of 30 minutes. Ahhh.

And finally...the highlight of my day: My cell phone will read my text messages out loud. Did you hear me? It READS THEM. Out loud! It will read words like butt munch, fart knocker and even some of the 4 letter ones! It also takes "xxoo" and reads it out loud as "kisses and hugs" and if you send a text message to Nathan, it will pull him away from even the worst behavior possible and make him smile with candid delight. I have to give all props for this AMAZING discovery to Kristen who discovered it by accidentally pressing the space bar and realized someone was talking to her. She rocks. I am announcing it in a public forum.

We now interrupt this really boring blog for the following announcement:

Viggo, darling. I know the weird goatee is for a movie. I know that the red-almost maroon suit you are currently wearing on David Letterman is possibly to go for the whole "Sick Doc Holliday" look for the upcoming western. But you aren't even playing Doc Holliday and can't you maybe use fake hair for this look so that when you appear as VIGGO, I will get to see your sweet, gritty, is he or isn't he unshowered face. I don't want to see this anymore:



P.S. Viggo, please gain some weight. You look too skinny. I think I will have to go watch "The Game" again to get this picture of you out of my head. Jor, normally I would put him on our list but today he gets the boot.

We now return to our regularly scheduled blog.

To sum up the day...
Tomorrow is a new one. One that involves school so I will have a few hours of no fighting children. Ahhh. I can handle that.

Don't trust everyone-especially people you don't know that well. But trust your friends.

Vacuuming can happen tomorrow.

Texting was just somehow made even more fun by Kristen's discovery. Who has the weirdest word I can send to her?

Demonstrating My Feats of Extraordaniaribility

...which goes beyond simply making up words that are almost 100% unreadable.

While preparing lunch for Nate the Great this morning before we left for school, I made one quick swoop of the Pampered Chef Spreader (cue music from heaven-that thing is so amazing...I actually find myself sad when both of mine are dirty and I have to use a regular knife for peanut butter), anyway, one swoop and look what I created!

It is a peanut butter bird relief in my kid's sandwich!
I have actually paused my day to capture it in a low quality camera phone image just for you, my readers.
Who else could create something so amazing?!







I'll tell you:
No one.

Week of Joy

This week's Week of Joy (making a comeback after many months of missing) is quite simple:

10. The
9. House
8. of
7. Blues
6. San
5. Diego
4. 10AM
3. Gospel
2. Brunch
1. Today.

We skipped church this morning to go to the Gospel Brunch with family from out of town in place of a memorial service for my Grandmother who passed away 2 weeks ago. Grandma wasn't one for funerals or anything like that but it always feels more fitting to have some sort of "service" or "remembrance."

It was so amazing! They were having some CHURCH up in that place! I clapped and laughed and wished I knew the words to every song so I could sing along.

Our family was sitting at two tables and my mom, Tim, my aunt, cousin and my aunt's sister were at a table with the family of the band/singers. When they found out why we were there and that I was a singer (who could have told them that-MOM!?) they said I could go up and participate in the sing-along and sing in honor of my grandmother. Demonstrating excellent judgement, mom thanked them but said that I would kill her if she voluntereed me for that. She was absolutely right.

The Gospel Brunch fed me in a way I didn't know I was hungry. Not only in a musical sense-demonstrating quality musicianship and vocal skillz (that's right) but also I was fed spiritually. The ladies on that stage were not just singers who happen to sing gospel music. They were singing about Their God. About Their Jesus. They were sharing with that entire room about the God Who Saves. I was able to sit there and soak up the music about my Savior. I didn't have to sing or lead. I didnt have to make sure monitors were working or fetch water for someone who was about to preach. I was ministered TO instead of ministering. And while I missed my beloved (although very white in their worship music) church and everything God has given me to do there each week, it is good to take a week off on occasion and allow others to lead for a change.

And when they lead with a strong base, heavy down beat, tight harmonies and ad libs about how "Ain't Nobody Gonna Do Me Like Jesus," then there is all kinds of right going on there.

The Beach. The Good One. (Not the Bad One With Leo DiCaprio.)

I had a big photo shoot today down in La Jolla for a local playgroup. It was 15 families all lined up one after the other (with a 1 hour break for lunch.) You could call it “Blitz Photography.” It was fun. All the families were nice and all the kids were very cute. (Really, they were!)

In my few moments of down time, I observed a few things…

1. There was a seagull nearby the cave we were using who was walking funny and squawking a lot. She and I did have a stare-down at one point (I won) but most of the time, she was just walking around…almost looking lost or confused. I finally realized after watching her that she was trying to tell me (and the 20 other people around) that we were on HER beach and needed to clear out immediately.

Either that or she has rabies and was going completely crazy.

2. The birds aren’t the only weird things down at the beach. The people are too. Just trust me.

3. The distance between my big toe and my other toes seems larger than normal. Almost as if there should BE a toe in that space. When discussing it with David later, he wondered if I should have a sixth toe in there after all. But then we decided that not only would it look freaky, but the kids would make me scare their friends with my extra toe. Also, it might make wearing flip flops difficult.

All in all, the shoot went well and my odd thoughts kept themselves hidden away before I could scare any families with them. I look forward to going through my 700+ pictures (seriously, what is wrong with me?!) and picking the few favorites for my families.

But first, a nap.
Happy Saturday.

Friday Fun Day!

Fridays in the Zab house are Fun Days. We get our nephew Nicholas on Friday mornings. He and Lucy get some time to play without being bossed around by a certain 4 year old and then once we pick that certain 4 year old up from school, the non controlled chaos begins.

Adding a 3 year old to our mix increases the decibel levels of our home exponentially. It is deafening. I remember one time, when Nick used to live with us full time, I was on the phone with the doctor's office when the kids were running around with capes saving the world. The receptionist, after hearing me apologize for the noise level, asked if I ran a day care. I told her it was just my 3 kids. She was stunned into silence and simply said, "Wow."

Now, the noise is fun. Partially because it is purely the joy of 3 kids who love each other and partially because...well, I know it will end on Sunday when Nick goes home. Ha!

So now on Fridays, we try to think of something fun to do in the evening. Sometimes it is a movie night but most of the time it is a project of some kind. One of our more recent ones-and stand by easy favorites were decorating cookies.

I buy the cookie dough pre-made. I can't make cookies. I make cakes. I make sweet breads. I leave cookies to the experts like Sooz and Michelle. Add in small bowls of sprinkles and you have kids who are so happy to decorate cookies that they will, get this, SIT STILL and -there's more-NOT YELL and even-hold on to your hats-NOT RUN AROUND for possibly even a whole hour!

Tips for Mama's wanting to use this idea for their own Friday fun? Bathe kids AFTER the fun. Not before like I did. Also, buy a whole seperate package of cookies to make for you, hubby and any other adults that might like some cookies. Because after watching a 2, 3 and 4 year old push their sticky, licked, icky fingers inside those raw cookies, you will NOT be joining in the fun of eating them. (Ugh.)

Day is Done

The pumpkins have been carved.
Candy tucked away in ziploc bags.
Costumes have been tossed aside on the couch.

We survived Halloween!
(Now, will we survive November and NaBloPoMo?)

Reason 419 That I Miss Living In My Mom’s House

When the fires in San Diego flared up, we made an early morning decision to pack up and move to Mom's house in a more southeast section of San Diego county. It was mostly so we could keep me out of the smoke and soot that seemed to be all around us but also just for peace of mind. Our section of Poway was never "officially" evacuated, we were this 1 small square of land on a map that wasn't pink (pink=evacuated), although some neighbors received Reverse 911 calls.

Packing your belonging is, of course, an interesting experience. I remembered the framed picture of my dad as a little boy but forgot my toothbrush. I grabbed all of the quilts that David's Grandmother has made but they never actually MADE it to the car. And then, there's the fact that I completely overlooked packing ANY of my sister's beautiful artwork-but I got every single one of the kids' "Cars Movie" die cast metal cars.

Once we got to my mom's house, it was nice to feel safe, breathe relatively clean air and just relax. I was thankful David didn't have to go to work. And then, there was the REAL reason to be happy:

Every night we were at Mom's I took a soak in this bathtub of beauty. It was wonderful. I read books and wondered how long I could stay in the tub before I shriveled up like a raisin. This tub was so deep that if you filled it to capacity, you had to try to hold on or you'd float. It was not hard to reach the perfect balance of hot and cold water (but one night I over "essence oil-ed" with the Spearamint oil and no matter how hot the water was, my whole body was minty-cold-fresh.)

Now that we are home, I am happy to be living in a place that is more Toddler-ized with my own bed and things around me (like a toothbrush but more on that another time) but my bathtub is just not up to par.

And my mom lives too far away to make a nightly drive just for a tub soak.

Go Fug Yourself...No Really, You Should!

The blog that I am currently obsessed with (at least for this week) is a site called "Go Fug Yourself." It is a place where celebrity fashions are reviewed in a snarky and hilarious manner. And if you know anything about me, then you know that not only did I fall in love because of the snark but I also fell in love because I think the word "fugly" is the funniest word ever. (Although not one I have in regular rotation in my personal vocabuary.)

All of this is to say, go check it out.
And laugh.
And wonder if George Clooney really is their intern.
And think how you want to be their best friends.

And start with this post that actually made me laugh out loud.
Lion For Fugs

And That's Why He's MY David

The day I told David that I wanted to marry him was July 4, 1995. I don't think, if you'd asked me then, if I would have been able to give you a detailed list as to WHY. So much of it just "felt right." I was 18, in love and young. Probably too young to even make up my mind about matters of the heart.

David and I got engaged about a year later and married a year after that. This year we celebrated 10 years of marriage. There isn't a whole lot that completely surprises me anymore-although every once in awhile he will pull something out of left field and try to find a function for all the leftover crusts cut off star shaped sandwiches for a birthday party.

Tomorrow the local firehouse is going to have an Open House. David planned to take Nathan and Nicholas to the Open House ("Mommy! We might even get to slide down the pole!") and possibly to the Miramar Air Show as well. David is excited to take the boys and Nathan has been talking about the firehouse for many days.

At work today, a coworker asked if David could cover a meeting tomorrow morning. It would only be a couple of hours and if David covered it, the co-worker would give us a very large gift certificate to any restaurant we desired.

After 10 years of marriage, 2 years of dating and more "moments of truth" in those years than an average Lifetime movie, I was not surprised to hear that David and my boys will be at the firehouse tomorrow.

He can lose all his hair, he can gain over 50 pounds, he can become a mouth breather even but no matter what, he will always be the most handsome, most wonderful, most amazing man I have ever known. And I don't think I could love him more than I do right now.

First One to Get a Clogged Artery Wins!

Him: I got the results of my blood work from my physical today.

Me: Oh good, what do they say?

Him: Wow. My cholesterol is high. My triglycerides are too.

Me: How high? WOAH! I totally won that one. Mine aren't nearly that high!

Him: What did you get for Glucose? I got a 76.

Me: Ha! 72. I win again. What about Creatinine?

Him: What is that?

Me: Doesn't matter, fess up!

Him: I got a 1.0.

Me: Woo Hoo! I got a 0.9.

Him: But maybe we WANT that one to be high!

Me: Don't go making up rules because you are losing.

Him: Whatever. Potassium?

Me: 4.0.

Him: Me too. It's a tie.

Me: OK, I'll give you that one. But your cholesterol and stuff, we need to really do something about that.

Him: The letter here suggests "lifestyle changes." And I need to make a follow up appointment with the doctor.

Me: Sounds like a good plan.............Hey, can you finish off these cheezy scrambled eggs and buttered sourdough toast for dinner?

Introducing...Lunch

I am such a cliche.