Hippo Birdie Two Ewe...Well, to Me!

Today is my birthday.
I am 31.

It feels like if I am old enough to be 31, then I should really have all my crap together. I totally don't. I think I am going to start by at least keeping my room clean. We will start with the things I should have mastered when I was a teenager. Hey, maybe it will make me feel young again!

I started the morning "sleeping in" which these days means I stay in bed till Ella yells enough to get me out. This morning that meant 7:30am. Man, I am crazy! We raced off to pick Nick up and play a little T-Ball and then home again.

After naptime, the kids iced their own Mommy's Birthday Cupcakes. They got to pick the icing color and had sprinkles and stuff to put on top. It was fun, but one of those activities that took about 5 minutes instead of 25. I took all the leftover icing and mixed it up to ice the rest of the cupcakes and we had a deeeeeeeep purple color on our hands. It was barely edible-color wise. But because I am not one to leave a cupcake lonely and uneaten (especially when it's a lemon cupcake with home made buttercream icing,) I took care of it anyway. I am a really wonderful person like that.

We watched a movie and ate pizza with the kids and after bedtime, David and I watched "Dan in Real Life" with Steve Carell. We'd seen it int he theatre but I loved it so much that I wanted to see it again. It is a lovely film that makes you laugh and leaves you feeling good and maybe a little contemplative.

Now, as I have 30 minutes of "My Day" left, I see my husband asleep on the couch next to me with my 7 week old daughter on his chest. Upstairs, I have a 5 year old asleep in my bed as well as a 3 1/2 year old in one bedroom and a 3 year old in her bedroom. There are a handful of cupcakes still needing to be iced in the kitchen and Star Wars figurines litter my floor. My toenail polish is a little chipped (and will be fixed by church tomorrow or I will be wearing closed toe shoes) and my jeans need to be washed. There is laundry to hang, pictures to edit, a website to update and scripts to review.

This is 31 for me.

I think it is going to be great.

N to the G

I am seriously blowing my kid's mind with this show. He adores all things dance, especially hip hop and since he "learned" to roller skate this weekend, he can't get over that Team BreakSk8 can dance on skates. Actually the first thing he said was, "Mommy, they can STAND STILL wearing their skates?!"

Ahhh, MTV-bringing the family together-not tearing it apart. (As long as you fast forward through all of the commercials for Spring Break 2008 and the Real World.)

Tagged. And Pictures.

Pictures first!

Nathan is in T-Ball and loving it-most of the time. For his first semi game (scrimmage) he got to play catcher. It was all I could do to not run out onto the field and eat him up he looked so cute in all the gear...

I guess you could say that this seasons baseball crush will be on the adorable, snuggly, sweet and spirited Number 3 of the Bluejays!

(Never think I will forsake my all time crush and love Trevor Hoffman though. Especially now that he is sporting some handsome long locks at spring training this time around. I will always love you Trevor!)

Now, the Tagging...
I was tagged to open the closest book to me and write down the first 5 sentences from page 123. (I wrote 6.) I don't usually do this but it had something to do with books. And I love books.

The Last Battle
by C.S. Lewis
Chapter 12

Jill ought to have been back at the white rock already but she had quite forgotten that part of her orders in the excitement of watching the fight. Now she remembered. She turned at once and ran to it, and arrived there barely a second before the others. It thus happened that all of them, for a moment, had their backs to the enemy. They all wheeled round the moment they had reached it. A terrible sight met their eyes.


I tag, ummmm....


Deanne

Angela
Emmy
Amy
Troy

She Had a Strong Walk and She Was Fierce

Daddy and Nathan events happen often in our house. They do things like hiking, taking pictures together, T-Ball, even church work days. Lucy and I get to hang out but we often end up running errands or cleaning the house. So when we had a chance for a Mommy and Lucy "thing," I jumped all over it!

Last Saturday , it was a Fashion Show. Nordstrom has a children's fashion show in the spring and Lucy was invited to participate! We went down a week before the show for her to select her outfit she was going to model. She informed me (and Nathalie-the gal from Nordy's who invited us and adores Lucy) that she would be wearing a PINK DRESS. We looked at every PINK DRESS in the department. There were some really really awful pink dresses. And, oddly enough, when Lucy would select one of those ugly pink dresses as her new favorite to wear in the fashion show, Mommy would inform her that they just didn't have Lucy's size! Isn't that the oddest of coincidences? We found a beautiful dress we both loved and I found out it was a $68 Ralph Lauren dress. And since I knew that Lucy was going to want to take home whatever she modeled, I had to pass on the dress that cost more than what I spent on the entire outfit I was wearing that day. We finally found an adorable Sweet Ivy dress at a reasonable price.

The day FINALLY came and we were down at the Nordstrom in Fashion Valley by 8am. Lucy's hair was all done and she had new shoes to match her dress and Mommy was doing her best to be as pressure-free with her sweet model.

We got dressed and hustled ourselves in line with about 40 other kids and mommies. Our fans showed up: Emmy, Gwen, Amy, Jeff and Kim. We were set! The show started and we inched our way closer and closer to the white carpet runway. When it was Lucy's turn, I handed her off to the Nordy's employee and stepped out front to take pictures. I saw Lucy take about 2 steps and then she suddenly disappeared. She ran sobbing backstage and couldn't find me right away which made everything even worse for her. She just held me and said she didn't want to go. I told her she didn't have to-and I really really meant it-and suggested we go see our friends.

Suddenly she said she wanted to try again. The gals who were helping to wrangle the kids said she could totally go again and this time she walked down the runway and turned around and bolted off stage-this time with a giant smile on her face.

"I DID IT!" She told me.

Oh yes Baby Girl, you did.

Moments before changing our mind....

Second time is the charm! And look at her charm her way down the runway.

"Mommy! I did it!"

Some of Lucy's adoring fans

We are blessed to have such lovely friends.

Double Standards...The Only Kind To Have

As I drive around town (I have been doing that a lot...I am on a mission that when it is complete, I will tell you all about!) I am amazed at the number of houses that still have their Christmas Lights on display.

This judgement is passed despite my role as a Christmas Decor Nazi and including the fact that I still have my Holiday Starbucks Mugs on display in my kitchen.

Ahhh, hypocrisy...isn't it refreshing?

Sometimes You Just Can't Dial Down the Crazy

I love that Elle McPherson uses the word "knickers" instead of "panties" on America's Next Top Model. I am SO teaching that one to my kids. Hmmmmm, if I only talk in a British or soft Aussie accent to Ella if she will develop one? That would be awesome! I'd have 2 Yankee Youths and 1 sweet English Muffin.






OK, I just went back and read what I wrote and I have decided I have too much power. I shouldn't be raising impressionable children. Maybe with every crazy Mommy thought I have, I will put a dollar in a jar to be later used for the kids' counseling and crazy-deprogramming sessions.

From the Mixed Up Day of Miss Ella Anne Zabrosky

Dear Diary,

Oh what a day it was yesterday and today! Certainly not one of those boring days filled with sleeping, eating, pooping and stopping women in their tracks and causing their ovaries to call out for more children because of my undeniable cuteness and beauty.

I started the day normally after a night of general fussiness. I am not sure why, I just wasn't in a good mood. Woke up on the wrong side of the cradle I think. And around 11am, I spiked a fever of 101.5. Mommy was SURE she took my temperature wrong so she retook it an hour later and got 100.4. She called my doctor who said I needed an outing...to the Emergency Room. Yay!

Mommy bundled me up in the Moby Wrap and we waited in the waiting room for our turn. I took a nap and kept Mommy nice and warm. People would look twice at us before they realized I was snuggled papoose style on Mommy.

Once they called us back and took my temperature, it was back up to 101.3. They let us know that all kinds of tests needed to be done, including a lumbar puncture, a pic line for an IV and blood tests and all kinds of other poking and prodding. They also told Mommy that I would need to spend the night at Children's Hospital. Hooray! Another field trip!

Mommy didn't want to see all the tests done so she left me with the kind nurse ladies and she called Daddy to come too. Our friends next door said they'd-what did Mommy call it-"wrangle" Brother and Sister while we were gone. I dazzled everyone I met with my charm and mesmerizing presence.

After all the tests were done, we got to go to Children's Hospital...in an ambulance! How exciting! Find another 3 week old who has had this much fun in their short life! Plus, the ambulance guys were cute.

Once we got to the hospital, we relaxed and Mommy and I settled in for the night. I would have slept better if the nurses there didn't come in every 2 hours to poke me, test me and then use this loooooong tube to suck all the boogers out of every inch of my body through my nose. I mean, I know I am filled with a creamy, gooey center (that's why I am so irresistible) but I thought it was caramel or Cadbury Crème Egg or homemade cheesecake-not snot!

Test results were slowly coming back in and were looking good so far. No bacterial infection, nothing really all that serious looking. I however, felt the continued poking and suctioning was a VERY serious matter but no one listens to me!

I hung out in bed a lot...or snuggled Mommy as we waited to see what the doctors wanted to do with me. It was a quiet day since Daddy is sick and can't visit and all of our friends and family are either sick or have sick kids.

The doctors decided that I probably just have the boogery, snotty cold that Brother and Sister have and they gave me some meds and sent us home. Mommy was so happy that she took pictures of her shoes and said, "There's no place like home." I am not sure why she did that. I know it is a lot louder here at home than at the hospital but I don't mind since it means no more suctioning or poking or prodding. I get to see another doctor in the morning and then I think I will be all done with the adventure for now.

Mommy told me that if I was looking for some extra attention to just ask her to read a book to me next time.

Good Night Diary,

Ella Anne

Ten on Tuesday (The Not So Interesting One)

10. I almost wrote this two days ago...because I totally thought it was Tuesday.

9. I really really don't like my new shower scrubby thing-y. The scrubby part is fine, the color is nice and calm (the last one was bright pink) but there is this plastic ball/bead thing on the hang-y part that whips around when I am scrubbing and it just annoys me. I think I am going to have to turn it over to my husband to see if he can break it off or something.

8. Or I guess I COULD spend $2.99 to buy a new scrubby but that seems wasteful to me for some reason.

7. The last week or so, I have been awake for almost every minute of every day. It makes time move very slowly.

6. The carpet cleaner guy on American Idol? Yeah, he's super cute.

5. Best TV Show to fall asleep to? Law and Order. I have seen almost every episode twice or even three times and I still love every one of them. But the constant dialogue is the perfect thing to have in the background of a nap.

4. Mmmmm. Cheez-its.

3. Hair: To cut? Not to cut? This is the question.

2. Happy Birthday TODAY to my two Besties, Michelle and Maria Elena! I tried to have a baby on your birthday but she just didn't want to stay put.

1. Speaking of the baby, I think I may have the smooshiest, cutest, cuddliest, sweetest poopsie cakes baby who makes me want to actualy talk baby talk to her because she is so squishy and sweet ever to grace the face of the earth.

Welcome.

Ella Anne Zabrosky
February 8, 2008
12:00am
6lbs 9oz, 19 inches long

God has a purpose for you on this earth...and I am excited to see what it will be.

The One Where I Get All Goofy and Sentimental (But Only For a Little While)

In general, I am not a sappy or sentimental person. I mean, I have a heart but I don't really get hung up or weepy over some of the things many of my friends love. Especially when it comes to songs. I am not moved by that "Christmas Shoes" song. "Butterfly Kisses" has nothing on me. And forget "Cat's in the Cradle."

But when Michelle called me last week and read me the lyrics to this song over the phone, I felt shivers running up and down my spine. And it wasn't because I was standing in line for the "Finding Nemo" ride at Disneyland and a cold breeze had run through. No,the smarmy, schmultzy lyrics had touched me-darn it.

Tonight, I bought the song on iTunes, loaded it up on the iPod that we use for Lucy's nighttime music and I sent it upstairs with David. I told him to listen to the song and rock Lucy in the rocker and I texted Michelle to tell her what I did.
She said I am evil.

David came back and he was a little, um, moved.
So I share this song with the rest of you. Especially those of you who have daughters.

(Not in the mood right now? Scroll down to the bottom.)

"Cinderella" by Steven Curtis Chapman

She spins and she sways to whatever song plays
Without a care in the world
And I'm sitting wearing the weight of the world on my shoulders
It's been a long day and there's still work to do
She's pulling at me saying "Dad I need you!
There's a ball at the castle and I've been invited and I need to practice my dancin'
Oh please, Daddy, please!"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone

She says he's a nice guy and I'd be impressed
She wants to know if I approve of the dress
She says, "Dad the prom is just one week away
And I need to practice my dancin'
Oh please, Daddy, please!"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone

But she came home today with a ring on her hand
Just glowin' and tellin' us all they had planned
She says, "Dad the wedding's still six months away but I need to practice my dancin'
Oh please, Daddy, please!"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone

In Other News:

Here are some click-worthy links!

Not sure who to vote for tomorrow? Follow this link, answer 10 simple questions and discover which candidate you match up to: http://www.votechooser.com/

Ever wondered if you could take on a swarm of 5 year olds if you were attacked?

Find out here: http://www.howmanyfiveyearoldscouldyoutakeinafight.com/

(Be sure to post your score on this one...I only got 16 but I think they should account for how many kids you already have to wrangle in 1 day.)

Still no baby...we have 13 days left.

The Fruits of Not Being in Labor

The day was already going to be jam packed already...

Non Stress Test at 11

Cooking for my Supper Swap Day during Naptime

Doctor's appointment at 3:30

Delivering Supper Swap Meals to my 3 Swappers

Guys and Dolls in El Cajon at 8 with my sis

I left the house at 9:45am...got home at 7:15am and it all had been completely rearranged for me. Plus, I got a prize!

At my non-stress test, I got to sit in an easy chair, strap a baby heartbeat monitor to my belly and relax for about 45 minutes to the soft gallop of the baby's heartbeat. My only job was to push a button every time she moved. It was hard though, my body reaaaaaally liked the east chair.

Afterward they took be back for an ultrasound. I also got to pee in a cup.

Oh yeah, I'm going to be talking a lot about pee today. If it bothers you, go read everything you need to know about finding and wearing the perfect pair of boots.

At the ultrasound, it was discovered that I am low on amniotic fluid. (That's the baby's pee.) I also had a slightly elevated blood pressure reading-which I have never had before in my life. Right before finishing up the ultrasound, the nurse swung the view so I could see sweet baby's face. She looked right at us and made the sweetest sucking movement with her mouth. It made both the nurse and myself cry.

It was shortly after that, when we discovered that I had trace amounts of protein in my urine sample I'd given. Coupling that with everything else, we placed a call to my doctor who decided that since it was only across the street, why don't I run over to Labor and Delivery and have them check things out. But don't forget to stop at the the lab first, they need blood and more pee.

Two cups were handed to me thins time. Listen people, I know I am pregnant and seem to live in the bathroom these days but you have GOT to cut a gal a break!

I called a few key people-freaked the crap out of them and spent most of my time in the waiting room reassuring them that I was pretty sure that-despite the mention of it by my doctor-I probably wasn't going to be induced that day.

Once I made it up to Labor and Delivery-which was hard to find, I have never gone in the front door since I only seem to have babies in the middle of the night once the front doors are locked-I got settled in. They strapped me into another set of monitors, both baby and blood pressure and I was thankful I remembered my book. I got about an hour of peace and quiet with my new book and wondered if it might be kind of fun to have the baby today.

Well, all the tests and things came back and there was no protein in my pee this time, my blood pressure was acting normally and the amniotic fluid wasn't concerning them. I was free to go!

But this glorious visit was not to be easily forgotten. Because, as with all wonderful trips to exciting and unusual locations, I got to take home a souvenir. The Labor and Delivery equivalent of bringing chocolate covered macadamia nuts home from a trip to Hawaii. But this souvenir came with homework as well.

See this?

I have 24 hours to use this. I pee in the white toilet insert, and then, because of the lovely spout at the front, I get to then pour my pee into the jug. Which, by the way, MUST be refrigerated. David refused to allow my jug of pee (do you believe me now? Lots of pee talk. Last chance for cute boot talk!) to enter the refrigerator so the cooler was prepared and lugged upstairs because I was NOT going to walk all the way downstairs to our pee into a jug 3 times in the middle of the night. It settled nicely into our upstairs bathroom.

My 24 hours is now up and tomorrow Lucy and I get to drive down to Labor and Delivery to make a delivery of our own. They will then test it for protein again and we will see where that takes us. And don't think I won't be presenting my jug of pee in class, It will be wrapped up nicely with a bow.

Because while I may be driving around town with over 30 ounces of my own urine, I have been raised correctly and know how to make a proper presentation of a gift.

Ten on Tuesday

1. As I pray for our sweet, and as of yet unborn, daughter Ella, I am praying for a completely will-less child. That she will have the sweetest of dispositions, sunny smiles and bright eyes but never want to make any decisions for herself. She will always be happy to succumb to the will of Mama. Sure, because she can't make her own decisions, she will probably live with us until she is 45 but I am willing to make that sacrifice.

2. In other news, anyone want a 3 year old little girl?

3. My pantry is currently holding 2 different holiday treats. While buying candy conversation hearts (Necco brand ONLY, thankyouverymuch) I discovered a small display of Cadbury Creme Eggs and couldn't pass them up. Every time I delight in their yummy goodness, I feel like I am cheating on Valentine's Day with Easter.

4. 2 Saturdays ago, I discovered a musical from my childhood on TV. It was about 20 minutes into it but I taped it anyway since our family only has 1 really bad VHS copy of the musical. I hadn't seen it in years and it brought me amazing joy to find it again. I made the kids watch it with me and now Lucy asks for "Pirates of Penzance" at least twice a day. (Who am I to say no?!) Nathan has taken to jumping around like a pirate and attempting a British accent. I haven't had to watch children's television in almost 2 weeks now! Plus, I am abundantly happy singing along with the musical that first planted within me such a strong love and desire for musical theatre.

5. Plus, who can resist Kevin Kline in THESE BOOTS?!


6. My husband is the worst spider catcher ever. Seriously, he is. He will be right next to the spider, tissue in hand, go in for the kill and miss the darn thing by, like a foot. Next thing you hear is him muttering and either chasing the darn intruder or trying to quickly reel the spider back up.

7. My husband also doesn't appreciate me making him a part of this Ten on Tuesday in such a fashion. I told him not to do hilarious things while I am actually sitting AT the computer blogging. Be less memorable.

8. We are attempting Disneyland tomorrow. The kids and me. Much to the concern of my friend Kristen who is afraid I will go into labor while riding Dumbo. I did my research and only discovered 2 other births at Disneyland in the past because usually once labor starts, people decide to leave the Magic Kingdom. (Why?! Why would you EVER leave?) SO, if I want to be memorable, I am going to have to visit Disneyland, go into labor, ignore the labor pains and then deliver right there underneath Sleeping Beauty's castle. According to Internet Lore, Ella would get a lifetime pass to Disneyland and also a special Disneyland Birth Certificate! Might be worth it.
Indiana Jones ride, here I come!

9. We started up a web blog for our Photography. You can visit to see some of our latest work, what we are bragging about, etc. Simply follow this link: http://zabphoto.blogspot.com/

10. Got my Christmas Letter printed up today. Yes, you read that right. I have almost all the cards ready, all the photos printed up and yet I never sent everything out! So, some of you will see an interesting sight in your mailbox in the next week or so, along with an explanation. And as you read it, remember, you are my friends because you enjoy the silliness.

Place Butt With Caution

We are on Day Three of Potty Training, (I know, I know, she's 3 and should be able to do this all herself by now but I am lazy so shut up,) and so far it is mostly good. In fact, we ventured beyond the walls of our home today and only had 1 accident!

On Day One, we just vegged out and set the timer for every 15 minutes to visit our new porcelin best friend. But, sometimes the timer would go off and Mommy would be doing something else and would forget to reset it or, or, or...you know the drill.

I was residing in that state of distraction when I was suddenly brought back to reality by Nathan who jumped up from his seat at the table (where a fierce battle for the Empire was being waged between Anakin Skywalker, Han Solo, Luke Skywalker and Luke's best buddy Biggs) and ran up the stairs hollering "Gross! Disgusting! Mooooom!"

I was trying to figure out what was going on when I heard more Toddler Expletives come from the upstairs bathroom, "It got all the way onto my underwear! Gross! Blech! This is dis-GUS-ting!"

"Nathan, what happened?"

"Lucy went potty on the chair and I SAT IN IT!"

"Lucy, did you go potty in the chair?"

My Sweet Innocent looked up from her Strawberry Shortcake Sticker book and delightfully replied, "Yes Mommy. Right there, in Nathan's chair." She lowered her head and went back to her stickers.

Well, what do you say to that?

You've Lost That Loving Feeling

I borrowed the video of "Top Gun" from my friend Jerry. I created a "jump" on the VHS Tape (remember those, kids?) from watching the volleyball scene over and over and over.
And over.

Because I wasn't allowed to see the movie, my friend bought me the soundtrack to "Cocktail" and I still know every song by heart.

When I found out that stars had addresses where you could send fan mail, I sent a copy of the 4 Spiritual Laws and a request for a "non rated R movie" so that I could actually see a film in the theatre.

My best friend Nicole and I waited with bated breath for "Far and Away" to be released--and once it was, we memorized every line.

I had a literal shrine up in my room so I could stare at my "Days of Thunder" poster as I fell asleep.

Like all overly dreaming romantic young girls, I adored "The Outsiders" but loved it even more because of Steve Randle and his, like, 3 actual lines.

And when we were on vacation and my parents let me stay up late enough to watch the Arsenio Hall Show (woo! woo! woo!) I cried when he came out.
I cried.
My family didn't know what to do with me.

And now, in turn, I don't know what to do with him:
Gawker.com



I miss Tom Cruise.

The Fug Girls really put it best in their article for New York Magazine.

Hear us out. Obviously, the world will never embrace Tom Cruise as the same dreamboat from the Top Gun poster tacked above our beds in junior high. That guy didn’t jump on Oprah’s couch, or engage Matt Lauer in a war of words about whose knowledge of psychiatry was more encyclopedic. He was not, at least publicly, the guffawing nutjob we see on this latest Scientology leak. His sweaty, intense proclamations of infatuation with meek little Katie Holmes officially turned our girlhood crush into someone we feared encountering in a dark furniture store (or a shrink’s office). Next time we play MASH, Tom Cruise is so totally off the “husband” list.

Sigh.
I miss Tom Cruise.

The One Where I Can't Return to Nathan's School

I had a photo shoot today with the family of my best friend from high school. 2 Mommies, 2 Daddies, 1 Grandad, 1 Me-Mah (Grandma), 1 puppy and 6 kids from age 6 to only a few months old. We were at a park and it was so much fun. I haven't had a chance to review the photos yet but I am hoping we have something with everyone looking at the camera. Alyssa had Lucy at home with her so I was all on my own once I wrapped the session up and headed north to Nathan's school to pick him up.

It was about 12:05 when I pulled into Nathan's school. He would be done with "Lunch Bunch" at 12:30 so I decided to make the most of my time and take a quick nap. I set the alarm on my phone, leaned the seat back and closed my eyes.

"That was a nice photo shoot today. Hope the pictures look good. It was good to see my friends I hope Lucy has been good for Alyssa. I need to do some laundry. Hmmm, I am really surprised how not tired I am. Normally I would have fallen asleep by......"
I was out.

I woke up to the sound of a horn honking. Someone nearby in the parking lot was having an electrical problem with their car and the alarm was going off and they couldn't get it to stop. In addition to the honking, her battery was dying so it just kind of sounded like a really sick seal had hitched a ride to Poway and was sitting on top of my car.

I looked around more to get my bearings and saw that the parking lot was almost empty. The playground was empty. My son was sitting next to his teacher on the playground. They were all alone. And the clock? Well it told me that despite arriving at the school 25 minutes early, I was now 15 minutes late picking him up!!

I popped up from my reclined position and ran across the parking lot, stumbling as I did since the rest of my body had not caught up with my brain. I can only imagine what an 8 months pregnant, drunk walking mother tripping on the curb toward the playground looked like to the sweet Assistant Teacher from my son's school.

"See teacher? I told you that was my mommy's car!"
To which I replied,
"Oh no baby, I am not your Mommy. I am some lady that you and your teacher will never see again. Your REAL Mommy would NEVER pick you up late because she passed out from pregnancy enduced exhaustion."



Anyone know any good preschools in the Southern California area?

35 Weeks and Counting

I am to the point in my pregnancy where I am visiting the bathroom multiple times a night.

And at least once a night I forget that I have already left the lid of the toilet up for my peeing convenience, I go ahead and lift the "lid" and I fall into the toilet.

That's comedy.

How to Become Harold Crick

Forgive me readers for I have not written...it has been 25 days since my last blog.

The last 3 months of 2007 held much for me.
I photographed 30 families,
lost my grandmother,
directed 2 different productions,
saw my mother get married,
suffered a severe panic attack,
was the featured singer for our women's dessert,
trained extensively on the "Fat Frog" lighting board,
attended 3 Thanksgivings,
hosted one on my own,
filled out (but didn't mail--yet) 50+ Christmas Cards,
grew a baby
and
drove over 1000 miles to ring in 2008 with dear friends.


There is so much to talk about, so much to say. So many pictures that beg to be shared and even more concepts to destroy with my snarky comments. But as I round the end of one year and begin a new one, the moment begs for a little reflection.

2007 was, in all honesty, one of the hardest years of my entire life. It rivals only one other in my 30 years. God has allowed me to be pushed, pulled, stretched and grown-all while kicking and screaming to many of you with the discovery of each "stretch mark," if you will. The year has driven me to my knees in exhaustion and tears and to the brink of panic and wondering if I was even worth existing on the face of this earth.

We got halfway through the year and I saw light. I saw hope. And then More came my way in waves. These incidences weren't as life changing right away but they carried a permanence that terrified me and left me with more questions that I could even begin to ask God...or anyone else with an inkling of wisdom.

2007 changed me as a person. I saw myself as a capable, strong woman who knew what she wanted and knew how to get it done. While I was certainly no cutthroat or even the most efficient of people I knew, when it came to what I was good at, you can bet it would get done they way I wanted it. No excuses, no dropped balls and no apologies. As I was continually broken down as the year continued, I saw who I was crumble at my feet. I became weak. I was inefficient. My house grew out of control, the things I loved, thirsted for, longed to accomplish were nothing to me. I lost joy in almost everything I once found getting me out of bed each day. I feel I owe an apology to the people I have met this year because I feel they have not received an accurate picture of who I am and who I can be when I am not pummeled to death by circumstances.

All of that being said...

I wouldn't ask for one thing to be different.
Were I to change the circumstances that have shattered me and caused me to change and stressed me to the breaking point, that would mean:

-I would not have a relationship with one of the most wonderful boys God ever put on this planet
-In turn I would not have met and embraced new friends who, while we do not share blood, find that sharing a love for a boy is enough to call each other family.
-Whole moments with God would have been left unmet. Therefore conversations I have had with others would be left unsaid and growth in my own life would not exist.
-I would not have a wonderful, special, God planned little girl coming my way in February

This is naming only a few.

My dear friend Sooz suggested a movie to me last year that, when I watched it, honestly changed my life. I got to watch it again this past weekend not only with Sooz, but with David and 3 other friends who have had their own breaking version of 2007 like I have. I found, once again, that "Stranger Than Fiction" holds the most amazing reminder of truth in it's last lines. I sobbed at the ending this last time, understanding it even more deeply than when I first saw it.

"Sometimes, when we lose ourselves in fear and despair, in routine and constancy, in hopelessness and tragedy, we can thank God for Bavarian sugar cookies. And, fortunately, when there aren't any cookies, we can still find reassurance in a familiar hand on our skin, or a kind and loving gesture, or subtle encouragement, or a loving embrace, or an offer of comfort, not to mention hospital gurneys and nose plugs, an uneaten Danish, soft-spoken secrets, and Fender Stratocasters, and maybe the occasional piece of fiction. And we must remember that all these things, the nuances, the anomalies, the subtleties, which we assume only accessorize our days, are effective for a much larger and nobler cause. They are here to save our lives. I know the idea seems strange, but I also know that it just so happens to be true. And, so it was, a wristwatch saved Harold Crick."

It is the Bavarian sugar cookies that saved my life this year.
This blog was one of them. My dear friends are another. The trip to Reno I just returned from. My strong rock of a husband, the people in my church who love me beyond what I thought imaginable and a God who is so much bigger than I if I would just let Him BE that way in my own life.

I am not better. I am different. I am not the kind of mother I hope to be...I need to find the patience I once had. I need to not allow disappointment in my own life get in the way of my obligations to others. I must be sure to realize it is not all about me.

2008 has already disappointed. When we got home, my house wasn't cleaner. I have already yelled at the kids more than I'd like and I don't think I have snuggled David as much as I should. But there is tomorrow, and the knowledge that each day has Bavarian sugar cookies just waiting for me to enjoy.

May 2008 hold more cookies than you ever thought existed. And if you don't think they are there, just look for them. Sometimes it is the little ones that were completely unexpected that taste the yummiest.

UPDATE! Baby it's....Perfectly Toasty Inside!

Heater is FIXED!
David, after hearing that I blogged about our heater being broken, was insistent on me adding a note that he has been trying to actually FIX the heater for awhile now. I was going to do so tonight but now I don't have to! He is quite talented in the area of fixing things and being generally handy and all he needed was a couple of parts. Well, parts came and now I hear the heater running!

Good News: Kids might sleep in a little more because it won't be 15 degrees in their room in the morning.

Bad News: We have kind of gotten used to the low(er) SDG&E Bill. Oh well.

Silly Thing I Took For Granted When I Wasn't Pregnant #43

#43: Stomach sleeping.

There is a funny family story of my Mom missing sleeping on her stomach when she was pregnant with me and my Dad building her a pillow bed on the couch with a hole left to put her stomach in. He got her all loaded up, she felt good and was ready to take a nap. He left for an extra long 10+ mile run. When Dad reached about mile 2, Mom realized that all of the blood in her body was running down toward her belly that was practically suspended in the air-no pillow supports or anything. The weight of her belly was pulling her down but the rest of the pillows kept her face and legs perfectly straight. And the pillow palace my dad had built was so high up, that to roll off the couch might have meant breaking her neck in the process. (Which, after a long while, she actually considered.)

By the time Dad was home from his run, needless to say he did not return to a well rested and grateful wife. You can imagine the "gratefulness" she expressed to her husband that afternoon.

There are whole chunks of my child delivery experiences with both Nate and Lucy that I don't remember. But I do remember my first night home each time and rolling over to fall asleep on my stomach.

Ahhhhh.
Stomach Sleeping, see you in about 10 weeks.

Baby, it's Cold Inside

They say the shoemaker's children have no shoes and the bakers children have no bread. So it goes in the house of the heating and air conditioning controls guy-no heat.

Our heater is broken. It has been broken for awhile but it was summertime then. Oh yeah, we'll fix it later-no big deal.
Well, it is a big deal when you wake up in the morning and your house is 67 degrees!

Our sweet roomie was bundled up on the couch last week when I said something about the heater being broken. She sat up and said, "Oh, well that explains it! I couldn't figure out what was going on! I mean, you run the air conditioner when its hot but why not the heater?" Poor girl lives in sweats and blankets these days.

I have picked a new favorite shirt of David's to stay warm in. It seems like every few months, I find a new one to live in. Currently it is a long sleeved brown one I got on clearance at Old Navy (I love you Old Navy!) for about $4.99. I got it because it has a picture of a guy with music headphones on and it was kind of rock and roll-ish. It wasn't till I got home that I realized the 2 ladies in the background of the picture had slinky dresses and a considerable amount of cleavage showing. Ha! I like to wear it every once in awhile to see how much attention people really pay to other's shirts.

Tonight, I don't mind the cold. We lit our first ever fire in the fireplace. Well, a fire was once lit in there by someone else who-despite insisting to the contrary-lit a fire and didn't open the flue and now our white brick hearth is a smokey grey. We avoided the fireplace (not thinking that it could have been user error) and decided to just give it a try tonight.

Oh the warmth! Oh the crackling! Oh the joy of seeing both of my kids go right into "mesmerized fire stare." It is wonderful. David went out and bought some firewood. And then we ran out so he bought some more...from the same checker as before. Ever had that happen? Sometimes I think the guys at Vons wonder if I am crazy considering sometimes I visit them 3 times in a day!

Last week I texted David when the temperature in our home hit an all time low of 65 degrees.
"Baby, it's cold inside."
"Put on more clothes," was his reply.
"Wow, now there's something I never thought I'd hear you say."
"It goes against my beliefs but you can take them off later."

Good to know the cold hasn't frozen his sense of humor.