Flip. Flip. Flip. Uh Oh.

Keep them reruns coming!

Wednesday, April 14, 2004
Flip. Flip. Flip. Uh Oh.

So last night I was getting ready to get rehearsal with my Act One Drama Team. This was special because I was bringing one Nate the Great with me. I needed to pack his bag with his cup, toys, and PJ's. I also had to call Carol about something. I grabbed the phone and dialed while I stepped out in the garage to get clean PJ's from the dryer. Chatted with her husband for a bit and right when Carol got on the phone, I placed my hand on the doorknob to go back inside.

"Hello?"

"Oh my gosh, I am locked out of my house."

I didn't yell it, it was a statement of disbelief and yet total belief as my mind flashed a picture of Nathan earlier this week discovering the little tabs on doorknobs. Oh look Mommy, you can flip them and flip them back. Flip. Flip. Flip.

I had been "flipped" out of my house. Daddy isn't home. I am in the garage. I can at least try the front door.

Locked. Darn us for being so responsible!

I stood at the front door trying to see through the LOCKED security screen. I hear kitchen cabinets opening and closing. "Nathan, that's not your cabinet!" I yelled in there. I pictures glassware being pulled from the shelves. It is then that my helpful friend Carol (who I am still on the phone with since this was such an amusing and entertaining event) tells me the story of when her twin girls locked her out of the house on purpose and went to the fridge and got out the CHOCOLATE CAKE. "That's not your cabinet, Nate!"

I go back and forth between the garage and front door, trying the doorknob in case he'd "unflipped" the lock. Nope. Peering through the screen so he knew I was there, I would give him reassuring words, "Don't worry baby boy, Mamma's right here." I was very concerned that he might freak out if he didn't see me after a while. Yeah, he didn't care.

I resigned myself to just waiting for David to get home from work so he might either have a key or come up with a brilliant entry plan. I wondered what my neighbors thought. I laughed at the story and immediately thought that I had to call everyone I knew how hilarious my son is. I also wondered if I should go to Target or Wal-Mart for those doorknob covers.

I decided Target, because I always love and excuse to go-wait a minute! The back door, the sliding glass door is open! I remembered that because I had GONE to Wal-Mart earlier and forgot to close it (we may be responsible but we aren't TOO responsible!) Now, how to get in. The latch to the gate is in the inside to that people can't walk in off the street and enter your house from the backyard. (Brilliant thinking.) I had to get creative. I saw one of my bigger and musclier neighbors and thought about asking him to jump over or hoist me up or something but it was then that I spied David's work ladder in the garage. Easy, set it up, climbed up, opened the gate, I was in!

"Nathan, I am back! Mommy is inside!"

I received the equivalent of a toddlers, "Oh. Hi."

David walked in the door only seconds later.
He agreed that we would go to Target as well.

David Does the Shopping

Summertime Reruns of 2008 continues...

A salute to my husband. Best Father Ever. And Wonderful example of strength in moderation.

Random Randomness

More of the Summertime Reruns of 2008...

February 27, 2006

You know, it occours to me that Dora and Boots could rid themselves completely of thier "Swiper Problem" if they simply didn't walk around the forest singing about where they were going every 5 minutes.

Wait...I've Read This Before

I'm going to be going on an "Electronic Vacation" for a short while..you know, where I try to be off the computer now that the kids are around all of the time? But just because I can't sit and waste all kinds of time online, doesn't mean I will leave you high and dry! So, this blog will be in reruns. And, much like watching old episodes of "Friends," I hope you will enjoy the trip.

Lets start off with a bang, shall we?
This is back from the days when I didn't have a blog, I just e-mailed amusing stories to my friends and family...


July 25, 2005
I Love the Nightlife

It’s 1:30am and I am up after a brief bit of shut eye. I have a headache from this blasted cold I feel like I have been fighting all of my life. It has moved into my chest so my coughs sound like I need to be trimming my 2 pack a day habit to just 1. (Or just switch cigarette brands.)

Being up at night when the rest of your family is sleeping feels like sneaking around a store after it is closed. You don’t turn on as many lights. Moving objects around, you take great care to keep them quiet. It is a rich feeling, like you have unlimited possibilities of what you can do. Time ceases to exist and the world (as confined by pajama clad activities) is your oyster. Will you clean up your house a little? Do you pay some bills? Start a book? Finish a book? Snack and watch TV? Or write poetic e-mails to your friends about your nightlife?

As I sit here in my pj’s (and a lot of you know what THAT means) I struggle over what to do while waiting for my 1 (one!) Extra Strength Tylenol to kick in. I have a book I started awhile ago that I haven’t really absorbed enough for a late night read. I will probably need to start it over but my internal CPU is operating on insufficient memory right now. If I add more information, things like my children’s names, my shoe size and what kind of car I drive will come running out the other side of my head, lost forever. I emptied the bags from my Target shopping spree (I can never go in there and get just ONE thing) and I could probably clean off the counter a little more. TV is always an option, I have 1,483 channels to choose from, there must be SOMEthing on. I have crocheting to do-I will be managing my own sweat shop from now till Christmas as I make scarves for everyone in my family as presents. (Family who may be reading this: Forget I said that. It isn’t scarves, I am getting you all hundreds of dollars worth of fabulous gifts and prizes!) Or I can simply continue to sit here surfing the internet, glad that no one can see me here in my pajamas (!!) and sandals.

Then there is my most favorite option: one of the above sedimentary activities coupled with falling asleep on my couch. It is so glorious to nap on my couch-a big hug that leaves you wanting for more pillows instead of a husband in your bed. (You are thinking, “Does she really mean that?” YES, I do!) Although sleeping on the couch is wonderful and feels like such a glorious treat, in the morning the magic in the relationship is gone and you can’t understand why the cushions are poking you and how the couch is trying to launch you onto the floor and the pile of clean laundry you were using as a pillow has flattened into an uncomfortable lump. The ends of your feet are slightly numb because the couch is too short by just thismuch and walking feels like a whole new sensation now that you are toeless. You could say it is a hangover (HAHAHAHA bad 1:30am joke!)

I think I will opt for the unmentioned activity of lying in bed and willing my headache to go away. I can feel it fading now and wonder if I gripe too much about only taking 1 (one!!) Extra Strength Tylenol since it does seem to be working a bit. I feel funny sitting here in my pj’s (a bit drafty, really) and I am all too aware that in only 5 hours, I will have a sweet faced boy kissing me awake. (It isn’t as sweet as it sounds, most of the time he forgets and instead puts his face up close to yours and you get to awake to the delightful feeling like you are being watched. And you ARE.) Good Night.

Imagine the Breakout Sessions

1 load of laundry and 6 pairs of pajammy bottoms.




Is there some sort of Pajammy Top Convention I don't know about?

At Least 5,000 Words Worth

We had a photo shoot recently for my mom's husband and his daughter and new granddaughter. (Did you follow all that?) Wandered out to Old Poway Park-my new favorite place and we had a lot of fun. It helps when babies are extra specially cute and grown ups are especially good looking.




Well, we snuck in a few shots of my kiddos as well. Here are only a few...

Lucy Goose Plays on the Tracks...

Nathan is seriously owning his 5 Year Oldness these days...

And who said Grandchildren aren't hazardous to your health?

Well, looky there, I guess that was about 7,000 words.

At the Beep

There is a watch downstairs under the couch or in a toy bin somewhere that has an alarm that goes off every night at 12:26am.


Oh listen, there it is now.

I Treasure You People

All of our shows are saying goodbye (for the summer) and it made me think of one of the best ever goodbyes on Television. I credit my parents for teaching me what "good television" is by raising me on the classics. While you start off laughing, it only takes 1 sentence spoken by Lou Grant to have you in tears. But the Mary Tyler Moore Show wouldn't leave you crying for long. And "It's a Long Way to Tipperary" is now part of television history.

I Also Tax Their Halloween Candy

The kids indulged in individual boxes of Animal Crackers this afternoon and you know what I love?




That little bit of lemon the "crackers" have to them...

...and how the taste stays deliciously in your mouth long after you have eaten the 10 you made your kids give you out of their own boxes of crackers.

Pimping Myself Out For Free Stuff

A present! A present! I love getting mail!

The way to my heart is to send me things in the mail-really. I will be yours forever. Send me garbage: if it has something interesting to read on it, I will adore it. But THIS was NOT garbage and I reminded myself that I needed to not let the fact that it was delivered to my doorstep sway my unbiased opinion.

Super cute dress in the mail from Kenneth Cole for me to review. Drop waist bubble skirt and jersey like t-shirt style on top. The bubble skirt caught my attention because while I do not think they are all that flattering on grown ups, on my sweet already bubble butted baby they are adorable. (Note how even the hairiest of children will still look attractive in this dress!) The design on the skirt was a brown pattern with a little bit of pink to it which is perfect should your fur or teddy bear nose be the same pink hue.. Adorable-the faint pink was a surprise when I pulled the outfit out of the plastic. I couldn’t try it on my sweetie girl since she is still in newborn sizes but I do know that once she is big enough, it will be worked into the wardrobe cycle. The outfit also came with a hat-sun hat style with a nice wide brim. The fabric was soft enough and the dress doesn’t look like it will lose its shape when washed.

It is missing a diaper cover-or "fanny pants" as we call them in our house. With a dress for a baby who is 6-9 months, I need something to cover up the nappies. I wish the white of the jersey and the white of the linen skirt "matched" but I think that's impossible. And, honestly, that's just me being picky! My favorite part of the whole outfit was the overall styling-it had a sophisticated look for a baby dress and I liked that a lot. Well done Kenneth Cole.

You can mail stuff to me anytime!



(PLEASE forgive the quality of the photo...had to use the camera phone this time.)

Happy Blogaversary To Me!

Yesterday was my Blogaversary. A word I wish I had come up with and that always makes me think of when Monica and Chandler go to Vegas and Monica says they can have their "plane-aversary."

I have been writing for 3 years now. 3 years of sharing waaay too much information. Even this year alone is example enough of the TMI...

Hey Internet! Look at my pee!
Internet, I make inappropriate jokes about dead grandmothers!
Well looky there, I talk about bodily functions again!
Isn't my husband amazing, Internet?
Remember when I stalked someone? Ha! Good times.
Dear Internet, I like to write letters.
And don't forget there was the Biggest Surprise of the Year
Oh yeah, and I did this last year.

And how did the Internet reward me for my loyal blogging? It paid me. (I got my first check from BlogHer yesterday. Which is a completely tacky thing to bring up. But don't you come here for all the tacky?)

Hope you stick around for more...

Amish-ly Redeemed

I have come to the conclusion that ANY bread that involves coating your pan in sugar and cinnamon can NEVER be messed up. Yum.

3 bags to give away...who's in?

Shortly After That, I Was Officially Shunned

I am a disgrace to the Amish Community.

Last week, I was given a Ziploc bag of goo containing the makings of Amish Friendship Bread. I was also given instructions that, after careful examination, looked like something I could handle. Mush the mag for, like 6 days, add a bunch of stuff, mush more days and then divide the mix and bake the bread.

(Sidenote: Can someone PLEASE explain to me how it is OK to mix up milk and sugar and flour and leave it sitting on my kitchen counter for days? I mean, this kind of goes against everything I know about cooking.)

The week followed with my brilliant husband asking me questions that cracked him up:
"Did you fondle your bag today?"
"Don't forget to squeeze your sack!"
I can't believe I just typed any of these out, I will stop.

Tonight I had to add the final ingredients, divide the mix and then bake the bread. Perfect for a Friday night. You can't use any metal utensils though. No big deal for me but the whole time I was tempted to toss my whisk in to see if the dough might explode or if I would suddenly find myself with a kitchen full of Amish people telling me how I was literally using the tools of the devil to make their beloved bread.

I added eggs, milk, vanilla...whoops-I put in twice as much cinnamon, well, it will just be very cinnamonny...sugar, baking powder-what? That was SUPPOSED to be baking powder but I put in baking SODA. Now I have twice the soda I need in so lets go ahead and toss in the right amount of baking powder too. Flour. Flour, flour.....ummm. I have 3/4 cup of flour and I need 2 cups. Hmmm, whole wheat flour will just have to do.

So to recap, that is twice the cinnamon, twice the baking soda and 1 1/4cups of whole wheat flour. Niiiice.

The bread is baking right now. I won't be going to bed until I sample my personal creation of Amish Friendship Bread. Maybe my version will be the kind you only give to your enemies. OR, it just might be the loaf you give to your best friend.




My hubby would laugh at the word loaf.

Swing Away, Nate

He is playing quietly, Luke Skywalker battles the Storm Troopers in a quiet dance on the kitchen table.

She walks over to him and, in a classic younger sister manner, snatches Luke right out of his hands and walks away.

He does what any older brother can do and yells:

"You...you BOSTON RED SOCK!"




That's telling her.

The One Where My Insides Jump Out and Run Laps Around Me

Biiiig photo shoot this weekend. A fundraiser for a local church's playgroup. I did a session for them last year at Christmastime. Two days, 14 families with some SUPER cute kids.

Best part so far? The over 100 degree temperatures we are having right now in Poway. And it is supposed to be even hotter tomorrow. Yay.

Anyway...after a break this afternoon, I was leaving to head back to the park. Grabbed the camera bag and ran for the door. It was then I heard the most sickening of sounds. It sounded like my heart breaking. And somewhere a few miles away at a T-Ball field, David was suddenly dizzy for no reason: The camera fell out of the bag and onto our kitchen tile.

I dropped to my knees immediately to survey the damage.

Flash? Looked good.

Battery? Everything was there.

Camera? I picked it up and staring back at me was a quartet of cracks running across the filter attached to our lens. I was sure the crack ran all the way through the lens and up into my heart.

The phone call I had to place to David was...well, I didn't like doing it. I might as well have been calling him to let him know Nathan had broken his leg. If Nathan was a camera and cost a bunch of money. Oh, and if we carried Nathan around in a backpack.

To make a long couple of hours short, after working hard to remove the filter from the lens, David was finally successful and-praise God-the lens itself was completely unharmed.

So what's the lesson here, kids?
1. Don't drop your camera.
2. Don't drop your camera.
3. If you drop your camera, build a time machine and go back in time and then UN drop your camera.

Coffee? Tea? Oui!

It took her over an hour to set everything up. But once her spread was complete-the guests lacked for nothing.




There were fresh flowers...from Mommy's potted plants outside........




Ice cream was abundant........

We had reading material........

And pancakes!
Yes, it's a breast pad.
Yes, Lucy calls them pancakes.
No, I don't have any left now.

Some of the honored guests included Baby Princess Belle, a Cabbage Patch Lil' Sprout, My Little Pony....

And, our sweet Ella Girl.

It was the yummiest tea party ever that ended with dancing to original music played by our delightful hostess who also demanded that we dance.
We obliged.

Where's My Salt?

Happy Mother's Day!

I am winding down my day watching the Survivor Finale (shhh, I don't know who won yet!) and everyone in my house is upstairs asleep. Ahhhh...that brings me such bliss. This is where I decide if I want to stay up all night, watch TV and pay for it tomorrow or do I go to bed and get the rest I need? Hmmmmmm.

Mother's Day was a nice one-started things waking up around 7 and realizing that I had slept all night long! Ella didn't wake up once (or if she did, she didn't state her case loudly enough to wake me up) and I had my first full night's sleep in months. Thank you Ella.

I told David that he should be thankful we go to church because then he doesn't have to get the kids together to make things for me. Lucy brought me the sweetest bunch of pipe cleaner and construction paper flowers she had colored-it melted my heart. I think I will keep them forever.

Nathan brought me a snail.

Seriously, a snail.

And I'm not even talking about something he found in a nearby bush. His Sunday School teacher gave it to him. In a cup. He was so excited to show me-as it was trying to JUMP OUT OF THE CUP AND ATTACK ME! It was going for my throat-honestly. I informed him-Nathan, not the snail, I don't talk to snails-that if he did not keep the snail IN the cup I was going to KILL THE SNAIL. I am not kidding, I looked my 5 year old in the eyes and meant every word I said.

Thank you Mrs. Yvonne, Sunday School teacher. Thank you for sending a SNAIL home for Mother's Day. I asked Nathan WHY we now had a snail as a part of our family...why had Mrs. Yvonne given everyone snails? He was quiet for awhile and told me, "I guess she wanted all of us to have a pet!"

The snail's name is Carlsbad Alexander Zabrosky. And Carlsbad is pronounced "carls-BAD" because he is BAD for trying to get out of the cup. As of right now, he is residing in a water bottle. He is expected to make it through the night but most likely not the week.

Oh, and have I told you all how I hate snails?

Well, at least I didn't crush the thing. My future daughter-in-law Alexis gave her daddy her teeny tiny baby snail to hold along with some potted flowers Mrs. Yvonne had also given the kids. (I didn't see the flowers when Nathan handed them to me-all I could see was the snail.) Damon took the potted flower's cup and dropped it into the snail's cup. Needless to say, both the snail and Alexis were crushed. Nathan was incredibly upset on behalf of his friend (and future bride.) I tried to get him to give her his snail but apparently his love for her just doesn't go that far.

Darn it.

Poke the Bear With a Stick

I kinda woke up on the grumpy side of the bed today.



But I think that's because the grumpy side had a five year old standing there who was calling out the time to me as each minute passed.

Him: Mommy, it's 6:03.

Me: Nathan, go away.

Him: Mommy, now it's 6:04.

Me: Nathan, if you know what is good for you, you will go away. NOW.

Him: Mommy, it's 6:05 and it's our park day today.

Me: GROWL!!



All together now....

Ten on Tuesday

1. It concerns me that the nightly airings of "Friends" feature ads for Boniva on a regular basis. I guess it's better than the ads for solutions to clinical depression that they used to run. Therefore, according to Channel 13, "Friends" fans aren't depressed anymore-our bones just might shatter into dust.

2. Monday has been my favorite day of the week for a long time because of band rehearsal (and goofing off with Russell) but since adding the Thursday Park Date with new friends I met through Nathan's school, Monday is gonna need to step up it's game.

3. I have a cleaning bug. The bad news is that it seems to last for about 15 minute periods. The good news is that is strikes multiple times a day.

4. Last night while getting frozen yogurt (aka "yooooooooogurt") Amy had to remind me that I was married and 31. And that my yogurt server could not be my new boyfriend. It was at second glance that I realized I was seeing him through yogurt covered glasses. And that he was probably jailbait.

5. Today I don't want to be the Parent....I want to be the Fun Aunt or Babysitter or Grandma.

6. I don't understand Toejam (or, as a friend's daughter calls it, Toe Jelly) in babies. Where are they walking around to get get all that junk inbetween their toes?

7. Kindergarten Registration is tomorrow.

8. Tomorrow is also the day I break down and cry over the fact that I have a Kindergartener.

9. The water bottles on my nightstand have organized themselves...


10: And, apparently, THEY ARE ALSO REPRODUCING!

So, Yesterday Happened

It all started with trying to sleep an extra 20 minutes while simultaneously teaching a 5 year old how we don't wake up someone who is sleeping IF WE WANT TO KEEP OUR PRETTY LITTLE FACES. I gave up and went downstairs to brown a bunch of beef for tacos and while I was doing that, Nathan ran downstairs to tell me that Lucy had written all over her bedroom walls. I went up to investigate and she had, indeed, written in pencil all over her walls. Again. After decorating my washing machine with purple marker that even Mr. Clean's Magic Eraser could not fix only 4 days earlier.

She had also pooped her pants and was officially in the running for the role of my favorite child.

As I dealt with all of those things, I heard a sharp cry come from downstairs where Nathan had somehow woken up the baby who had been sleeping very peacefully and now that she was awake, she was mad. And hungry. And told me as much.

I still had to finish preparing dinner and pack lunches for a playdate at the park that my kids did NOT deserve to attend. But since we were responsible for a friend who was meeting us there, we went anyway. I also had phone calls and text messages coming in like crazy with all sorts of nonsense and I was about ready to just take the baby (the only human in the house I liked at the moment) and leave to go to a nice quiet bookstore. Or Hawaii. I hadn't decided.

My friend Deanne texted me encouragement: "This is Survivor, lets vote the kids off the island." Amen, sister!



We made it to the playdate after I drove through Starbucks and treated myself to (iced venti soy green) tea (latte) and a donut. When the kids asked if they could have one, I said no. When they asked if they could have a piece, I said no. And when they made plans and decided that every Thursday Park Day they will get a donut starting next week, I said no. I stopped myself short of turning around and eating the donut while they watched and I most definitely didn't wave it under their noses so they could see how great it smelled. But that doesn't mean I didn't consider it.

I had a very nice time with my friend (but missed our other friends!) while our boys defended the fate of the galaxy playing light sabres with their bubble tubes. But no rest for the weary! I still had to go to Costco and deliver my dinners for Supper Swap which meant NO ONE was getting a nap that day. (And trust me, boy did I the KIDS really need the down time.)

We ran into Costco, ran around town delivering food and ran home. I made dinner for the big kids and looked on my counter to discover that the lettuce for the tacos I delivered was sitting on my kitchen counter. After the neighbors came over to watch the big kids, I hit the road and called the people I brought dinner to who all told me I was crazy for leaving the house again and to take my lettuce hauling butt and go back home.

Once David got home, we set out right away to get the big monsters into bed who were melting down quickly. While knocking the chunks off of Lucy and keeping Nathan from killing his baby sister with his love, David comes upstairs.

"Did you lose your wallet?"

(record scratch) "Whaat?!"

"I was checking the machine and some guy called about 4 times because he found your wallet. I called him back and it is definitely yours. Did you even know that you lost it?"

And to think, it was my WALLET I lost yesterday when all day I thought it was my MIND.